inthequiet

2008-08-10T20:51:00.000-05:00

2008-04-29T09:03:00.003-05:00

Would love to have you join me here...... http://unforcedrthymsofgrace.blogspot.com/

1 Samuel 25 & 26; Psalm 63; Matthew 9

2008-04-22T08:28:00.003-05:00

You know I go through life praying for Him to make me different and then…well then I don’t particularly care for the different.

Matthew 9: 16"No one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment, for the patch will pull away from the garment, making the tear worse. 17Neither do men pour new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst, the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved."

Oh and go check Brant out today........He is...just go read it!!

As for me I'm done blogging......not sad about it or dramatic....just done. Get into Him...He's just what we need.

1 Samuel 24; 1 Chronicles 8; Psalm 57&58;Matt 8

2008-04-21T06:27:00.003-05:00

The whole of David calling Saul out, after forgoing the opportunity to end it by killing or capturing Saul, David pretty much calls him out and without a doubt lets Saul know he David follows and is obedient to God, while Saul is / has become an 'evildoer' and for some reason this time Saul listens....humility finally over shame? How soon will it turn again to shame? Does it have to?
Psalm 57, David wasn't afraid to Praise.
David counted on good vs. evil and good winning, is it THAT simple and if it was how would it change the way I live? David didn't live trying to save the world, he lived chasing after You. Didn't live trying to change Saul's mind~he in the running away from him found a deeper relationship with You??
Matthew 8: 22 (msg)Follow me. Pursue life.
Matthew 8:22 (niv) Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead.
It's not about me changing anyone's mind - being so wrapped up in their growth ...it's not about my giving anything away...it's about being so hotly in pursuit of You that I don't worry about anything but being close to You....Piper's Christian Hedonism....

Here's to all of us living in that pursuit.

1 Samuel 20; 1 Samuel 21; Psalm 34; Matthew 5

2008-04-18T09:36:00.003-05:00

Chaos at work…..stitches….tonsillectomy /adenoidectomy /tubes ……medicine sucks…..hospitality….earthquake…anniversary….That’s a one word or close description of the last week. And IF it weren’t for knowing You I would make every bit of it about me and you know what…I still do and in spite of that You take it and make it something different………it’s seeing the pain physical/spiritual /emotional of ‘others’ and taking THAT to You in prayer rather than mucking things up by doing what I might want to do or think is best…..
The chaos at work SUCKS….and yet there are moments of knowing as I sit at my desk that I’m here for a reason (oops about me)….
My husband getting stitches and being this amazing trooper. I mean the man has part of his thumb hanging off (the meaty part of it no bone contact) and he’s laughing and being this amazing guy…I mean seriously he just is freakin amazing!!
Grandson, only an itty bitty 2 years old…ok physically he’s as big as a 4 year old but he’s only 2…….and he HATES his medicine. Poor daughter has an infant (whom at this point Gabe is not too fond of because he wants ALL Mama’s attention) and 3 times a day she has to figure out how ‘this time’ she’s gonna get him to take it!!
Had an event at church and team leader was gone so I had to step in and up to the plate and git’r done…we did. I LOVE the cooking part but really hate every other aspect of it. Hate the does everything look good before we eat part, just want to give someone the food and let them take it to that ‘place’…at that point I kinda wanna just visit with people….I get this TASK streak in me that just gets in the way of EVERYTHING……keep thinking ‘if I’m not doing it’ it won’t get done and I don’t believe that…. but in the moment of a task looming that’s all I can see…..it sucks and is not a good, I’m not good at seeing people I just know I WANT to..weird I know.
And then this morning…an earthquake in Missouri…..seriously seriously…no I’m asking ?? an earthquake in Missouri???
And 31 years with the amazing guy who had stitches…31 years the last 10-12 of which have been THE BEST..figuring out what having Christ at the center of a marriage is supposed to, could, should…heck just wanting to want that, has changed the way we relate to each other and while that was hard to get used to…..dang it’s been amazing..(note to self, using the word amazing too much today) He is not only drop dead handsome but this seeking heart of his is magnetic, seriously magnetic. Not that we both have it every day, not that either one of us ‘gets it’ totally…..not that we don’t get on each others nerves and ….and …and yet…..there is something new after 31 years that makes every morning reading and journaling with him and the evenings alone become absolutely……wait for it.....AMAZING.
Oh and the guy living with us…he got up with us this AM and the time we had was filled with affirming and confirming in all of us THAT yup, this time with YOU is amazing! No matter how it may be a particular morning, the cumulative time is is…..dang got nothing better than AMAZING…….
Oh...I get it now, I'm just blessed........

1 Samuel 17; Psalm 9; Matthew 2

2008-04-15T08:10:00.001-05:00

A seeking heart YOU never deny.

Psalm 9:9-10 9 The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed,

a stronghold in times of trouble.
10 Those who know your name will trust in you,

for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

2008-04-14T08:53:00.002-05:00

Had a great weekend....AWAY...at the LAKE, which until my daughter pointed out she was going to the BEACH I was totally satisfied with!! Thanks Dara! I was though, totally and completely content no matter it was 30, spitting snow and the water looked muddy from all the rain......

It was a time of rekindling friendship and in that rekindling we talked about God which of course stokes my fire any time. We talked about relationships and where our story fits in how we relate. We talked about how everyone has a story. We talked about what it looks like to become curious about another person's story, trusting You with ours, how maybe that curiousity is born out of selfishness but how You change and use and guide us to new ways and better ways to relate. It was just a great weekend and I am so very grateful for that time with her and that You were right there with us, that we could see and know that.

It was a time of reading, relaxing and red wine and reading, reading, reading.....I started Mark Batterson's book, In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day and it is really good. Alot of it challenging and in the same way affirming and confriming or is that the opposite way. It's just a book that speaks to me and I think alot of us. This quote is simply an example of it's content......take from it what you will and perhaps pick it up yourself, it's a good read.

When you get excited about God, don’t expect everybody to get excited about your excitement. Here’s why. When the Holy Spirit turns up the heat underneath you it disrupts the status quo. Some people will be inspired by what God is doing in your life. Others will be convicted. And they will mask their personal conviction by finding something to criticize. Nine times out of ten, criticism is a defense mechanism. We criticize in others what we don’t like about ourselves. (p159)

1 Samuel 11 &12 ; 1 Chronicles 1; 2 Corinthians 11

2008-04-11T08:54:00.002-05:00

In my work life I am surrounded right now by pain, not mine, others. I so desire to live as a light to those suffering. A light that shows them a way through their pain. I pray today to be so focused on You as to be that light.

1 Samuel 12: 20 "Do not be afraid," Samuel replied. "You have done all this evil; yet do not turn away from the LORD, but serve the LORD with all your heart. 21 Do not turn away after useless idols. They can do you no good, nor can they rescue you, because they are useless. 22 For the sake of his great name the LORD will not reject his people, because the LORD was pleased to make you his own. 23 As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by failing to pray for you. And I will teach you the way that is good and right. 24 But be sure to fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you. 25 Yet if you persist in doing evil, both you and your king will be swept away."

And there it is the comfort the hope of Your word. It’s like Piper says, the pursuit of You is not optional…… true joy and happiness come from that pursuit. In the midst of pain and turmoil the hope You and only YOU provide. It’s more than you can put into words and sometimes more than you can live and yet and yet…..it’s where I want to live and in that living maybe you become the light??

A song I heard this morning….these lyrics encourage me..
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I'm sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

How do you live ‘sweetly broken, wholly surrendered’ without this time with You?

I can’t preach this I can only live it. And the sweetly broken when it become painful what then do I exhibit??
2 Corinthians 11: 3 But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent's cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ. 4 For if someone comes to you and preaches a Jesus other than the Jesus we preached, or if you receive a different spirit from the one you received, or a different gospel from the one you accepted, you put up with it easily enough.

Here I am in the word struggling with freakin everything, what about those who don’t have the foggiest notion of a life in Christ? What does our battling each other/ourselves do for them? I don’t know if I like church or want to BE the church, I don’t know why there are so many ways to do church and yet I am drawn to the different ways…..drawn and repelled at the variety….what the hell is that about? My own lack of commitment…I am scared to do anything save for seek to follow and pursue You and in that pursuit what am I exhibiting?…I hope it’s a love that points to You and You alone. But I am really scared that all it does exhibit is a weak person. But maybe to be effective here at this office right now that weakness is where You will work…I hope so, Father I hope so.

1 Samuel 8 - 10; 2 Corinthians 10

2008-04-10T09:37:00.003-05:00

Bible is America’s Favorite Book ..???..Come on now, seriously if all who said it was their favorite book were reading it with a seeking heart.....wouldn't we look different?? I mean what would / could God do with the hearts on such a journey, at least that’s the way I see it. My heart is hard without You, without Your word, my heart is bound ….and…And that’s all I’m gonna say about that.

Reading for a group Desiring God by John Piper. It’s a heady read not something I would have maybe picked up and yet in the reading of this I am finding myself agitated and moved and even affirmed. Affirmed in that my love for scripture is real. This sentence alone says what I believe have believed these last (dan and I came to it’s been 8 years reading this plan! 8 years and I still get something most days, 8 years and I wake up excited to read. 8 years, I am blown away by the love and power and conviction and forgiveness I experience from time with You in Your word. As I write this there is no pride but an absolute stunning awareness of the power available to any and all who…with a seeking heart come.) Anyway the sentence stating much more succinctly what I have found ….The Word of God begets and sustains spiritual life because it begets and sustains faith…….Faith is born and sustained by the Word of God, and out of faith grows the flower of joy.

1 Samuel 10: 17 Samuel summoned the people of Israel to the LORD at Mizpah 18 and said to them, "This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: 'I brought Israel up out of Egypt, and I delivered you from the power of Egypt and all the kingdoms that oppressed you.' 19 But you have now rejected your God, who saves you out of all your calamities and distresses. And you have said, 'No, set a king over us.' So now present yourselves before the LORD by your tribes and clans."
How this attitude must have broken Your heart, people freed and choosing bondage….Dan and I again talking about that a lot lately and how very little different we are from them. Our bondage is a little less blatant maybe but every bit as binding.

2 Corinthians 10: 3-6 The world is unprincipled. It's dog-eat-dog out there! The world doesn't fight fair. But we don't live or fight our battles that way—never have and never will. The tools of our trade aren't for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture. We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.

More from Piper Chp. 5:
Paul puts it so plainly: "Whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that by the steadfastness and by the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope" (Romans 15 :4) . The whole Bible has this aim and this power: to create hope in the hearts of God's people. And when hope abounds, the heart is filled with joy.
To be so focused on You to create hope.......to be so focused on You my hope my joy leaks out....I don't know but I 'm gonna keep goin......

"We should live by faith, be known by love and become a voice of hope." E R McManus

1 Samuel 1 & 2; Psalm 66; 2 Corinthians 7

2008-04-07T09:24:00.004-05:00

The web is an amazing tool, the places you can visit, the opinions you can read, it truly is amazing. I find it mostly fascinating and yet there are those times when my objectivity is challenged or seems to be.
I am mostly random today and yet as usual I can see a thread of connection. I blog and read others blogs in a desire to connect, to deeply know others. I desire in the reading of others to BE provoked and agitated and in that not obsess , but to think deeply about whatever has been agitated within me. That's generally what happens when I read an opinion I may not share....I love reading the differences and I desire transformation and my passion to be....freed, to be ...I don't know.
I have to work a job, I would love to pursue my passion and yet at this time, this season of my life I have to work and what if my passion is growing in working?? Can we blend our passions with our jobs? Can it not be that jobs allow us to pursue our passions?
Another random thought...how often do we look at the words we write, the thoughts we express from any other place other than our right to express them? Do we need to? How easily influenced or agitated are we by others? Do we need to worry about how we agitate and influence others?

NIV 2 Corinthians 7: 8 Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it—I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while— 9 yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. 10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 11 See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter. 12 So even though I wrote to you, it was not on account of the one who did the wrong or of the injured party, but rather that before God you could see for yourselves how devoted to us you are.

MSG 2 Cor. 7:8 know I distressed you greatly with my letter. Although I felt awful at the time, I don't feel at all bad now that I see how it turned out. The letter upset you, but only for a while. Now I'm glad—not that you were upset, but that you were jarred into turning things around. You let the distress bring you to God, not drive you from him. The result was all gain, no loss.
10Distress that drives us to God does that. It turns us around. It gets us back in the way of salvation. We never regret that kind of pain. But those who let distress drive them away from God are full of regrets, end up on a deathbed of regrets.
11-13 And now, isn't it wonderful all the ways in which this distress has goaded you closer to God? You're more alive, more concerned, more sensitive, more reverent, more human, more passionate, more responsible. Looked at from any angle, you've come out of this with purity of heart. And that is what I was hoping for in the first place when I wrote the letter. My primary concern was not for the one who did the wrong or even the one wronged, but for you—that you would realize and act upon the deep, deep ties between us before God. That's what happened—and we felt just great.

Paul ‘agitated’ the Corinthians…..are we not called to agitate others? What truly IS agitation to another person? What happens to you when you are agitated? Are you easily agitated?
I pray to be easily agitated and not so easily aggravated. I pray to in the agitation go to YOU and more and more fall into Godly sorrow and not get stuck in the worldly kind.

Judges 19 -21; 2 Corinthians 4

2008-04-04T08:20:00.002-05:00

Tuesday, April 04, 2006
He calls us out of comfort into uncertainty. Faith is all about character, trusting in the character of God, being certain in who God is and following Him into the unknown. ....Chasing Daylight / ER McManus

And this morning 2 flippin years later moved by this:

Judges 21: 25 In those days Israel had no king; everyone did as he saw fit.
I have a KING and to live following Him.......
2 Corinthians 4: 16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Judges 17 & 18; Psalm 89; 2 Corinthians 3

2008-04-03T08:56:00.002-05:00

Finally shared with Dan a lot of my ‘feelings’, I KNOW that they in themselves are not worth anything but in the sharing they seem to dissipate, which is probably MORE of what I should get out of journaling. Will I always and forever BE about ME and the answer is a resounding YES but in the YES is YOU…..in the shame and embarrassment of the YES is YOU affirming that while THAT is who I am it is NOT where I will stay or..... is it more in the affirmation is without that recognition I wouldn’t seek YOU so I am the reason I NEED YOU….I don’t know but in the giving of this raggedy old self to YOU I find, I accept..receive the GRACE YOU so generously offer.

I have been wrestling with this quote….. It is the nature, and the advantage, of strong people that they can bring out the crucial questions and form a clear opinion about them. The weak always have to decide between alternatives that are not their own. -Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I am such a weak person, STUBBORN and willful but so weak. Looking for the approval of the ‘strong’…….FEELING very subject to the strong…….in my weakness YOU get stronger……not ME getting stronger but YOU, can I WANT that more than strength for myself??
2 Corinthians 3: 12-15 With that kind of hope to excite us, nothing holds us back. Unlike Moses, we have nothing to hide. Everything is out in the open with us. He wore a veil so the children of Israel wouldn't notice that the glory was fading away—and they didn't notice. They didn't notice it then and they don't notice it now, don't notice that there's nothing left behind that veil. Even today when the proclamations of that old, bankrupt government are read out, they can't see through it. Only Christ can get rid of the veil so they can see for themselves that there's nothing there.
16-18 Whenever, though, they turn to face God as Moses did, God removes the veil and there they are—face-to-face! They suddenly recognize that God is a living, personal presence, not a piece of chiseled stone. And when God is personally present, a living Spirit, that old, constricting legislation is recognized as obsolete. We're free of it! All of us! Nothing between us and God, our faces shining with the brightness of his face. And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him.
Our lives becoming brighter and more beautiful…..I pray so. I am surrounded by those that need this freedom that I can’t figure out how to live in. I am surrounded by those who need to know a God of LOVE a God of consistent and unconditional love, a JUST God when everything around them seems unfair. A God who will love them in their mistakes and sin and yet call them to a life of fruitful abundance. The more I see my own inadequacies and stubbornness the more I KNOW the HOPE of Him who saves. To LIVE DRENCHED…THAT’S my prayer for us who know Him.

Judges 11 & 12; Psalm 50; 2 Corinthians 1

2008-04-01T08:55:00.002-05:00

Yeah, me too…daughter of the King….and one messed up female.

What a God you know to take us as we are and through the submitting of myself to the power of the Holy Spirit I won’t stay as I am?? Is that messed up theology??? I desire so much to be different, sometimes I think I desire THAT more than I desire Him, or is it just me desiring Him that much? I don’t know and if I don’t somehow remain in this not knowing I am afraid of going back to where I KNEW it all.

What you were feeling, what you were deciding, what you were thinking…….I had a big old dose of omniscience going for me or thought I did. And now I seem to live in this constant state of dependence and hope.
I write here because I so desire people to come alongside of me on the journey and yet I think I may write like I have stuff figured out or maybe I write like I am so lost. I know in my REAL life I am recognizing a tendency to isolate. I don’t know what to do with that because I kind of like it. For someone who lived in fear of being lonely, how now I crave being alone and mostly don’t feel like I’m lonely. Now there are times when loneliness comes but I think it’s in those times I am looking for people to be the ones who fill me and I know from experience, I know what to do to get them to fill it…but I took from them way more than I ever gave.

I don’t know just a lot rambling around in this mushy brain of mine and writing here lets me let it out.
Had breakfast with a gal that I think may have some of the same ‘stuff’, cool and yet absolutely frightening that I may want to be affirmed more than want to challenge and encourage her ….. She verbalizes well the ‘stuff’ that I internalize and won’t trust anyone with, any person with. So either You have this tremendous way of orchestrating our lives or I’m so flippin about me as to MAKE it appear that way….I want to believe it’s YOU and I want to follow You wherever it leads….
The story of Jephthah…makes me very sad this morning. Instead of following God he makes a vow that ‘if’ God allows him to succeed he will sacrifice the first thing that comes out of his house on his return…it’s his daughter! Just wanting what we want instead of trusting what and where God takes us…or at least this morning as I read that’s what it seems like. I want my success MORE than I want what He wants…..
2 Corinthians 1: 20 For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God. 21 Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, 22 set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.
Or…maybe I am coming to WANT to want what You want…..

2008-03-31T08:29:00.001-05:00

Who are you?

Judges 4 & 5; Psalm 39 & 41; 1 Corinthians 13

2008-03-28T08:47:00.001-05:00

1 Cor. 13: 4-7
Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.

Love doesn't strut,

Doesn't have a swelled head,

Doesn't force itself on others,

Isn't always "me first,"

Doesn't fly off the handle,

Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,

Doesn't revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,

But keeps going to the end.

Judges 1 - 3; 1 Corinthians 12

2008-03-27T08:39:00.004-05:00

Running away or running to ……away or to and how do we realize which one we’re doing? YOU know already and we who are just so prone to running that we don’t take the time…don’t know how to figure out….there is much to this, in this for me and yet not only for me at 50 (ok 52) taking the time with You has become an answer, a way to slow down and allow You to take me where I need to go. How do you help another person find their way to You? Someone who knows You and then again those that are far from YOU.
A life of introspection in and of itself is not good without the Spirit we continue to move and do and operate out of what we think is right, best for us. The whole ‘heart is deceitful above all things’ for me comes into play and I NEED to know that the Holy Spirit is in there as well guiding me to truths I can’t see without Him. The stubborn part of me resists and yet the yielding that sometimes come in conviction deep and loving, keeps me hoping that YOU are taking me and any of us in YOU to Your purposes. Wow even writing this ‘feels’ weird BUT to not would be worse.

1st Corinthians 12: 4 There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit. 5There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. 6 There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men. 7 Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. 8 To one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom, to another the message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, 9 to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, 10 to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. 11 All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them to each one, just as he determines.

As I have been surfing this AM went to an old blog of mine and found this from a year ago:

Friday, March 30, 2007
Prayer – Communication with God People who love each other talk to each other. What they think and feel, they express. The deeper the intimacy, the deeper the communication. As believers, prayers is the language of our relationship with God. Because he is spirit, we do not always use words: thoughts, feelings- even groans are part of our interaction (Psalm 38:8-9; Romans 8:26)As we grow close to him, we also hear back from Him – authoritatively through scripture and personally through inner promptings and leadings. As we deepen our prayer life, the confidence, humility and love we find with God spills over into all of life….Bill Hybels

The use of scripture is transformational, not informational - as we come to know it more, we aren't satisfied until we come to know Him well. Bill Hybels

Joshua 23 & 24; Psalm 44; 1 Corinthians 11

2008-03-26T09:13:00.004-05:00

Someone once told me ‘you can’t give away what you don’t have’….I want to give away a desire for Him….I need an obedience I guess to live IN this life of RISK and submission. And it feels risky to submit…..there is much I think I want in life and yet there is nothing I HAVE that I would trade for what I want…so today to live in the surrender that is looking out for the good of others…oh yeah I’m that self involved to need to be reminded to think even think of others, let alone look out for their good, to serve them... and it’s risky to think that THAT’S wrong. So today to live in the humbleness that THAT kind of dependence brings…or is it living in dependence that THAT humility brings??
Living as a fish out of water is bound to be painful…..but I wouldn’t trade this pain and discomfort for anything, because it’s here that I FEEL YOU the most. I am tired though Father and will need you today to guide me strongly in caring more, looking more to their good than to my own……tired when your call is to be alert and prayerful and You will do what YOU will do…and I guess the truth of it is tired or not YOU WILL.

Joshua 24: 14 "Now fear the LORD and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your forefathers worshiped beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the LORD. 15 But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."

1 Corinthians 11: 17-19 Regarding this next item, I'm not at all pleased. I am getting the picture that when you meet together it brings out your worst side instead of your best! First, I get this report on your divisiveness, competing with and criticizing each other. I'm reluctant to believe it, but there it is. The best that can be said for it is that the testing process will bring truth into the open and confirm it.

Truth into the open and confirm it……to be tested and come out dependent on You is the best I can hope for….I want to WANT what You want MORE than anything, I pray to submit to that wanting…..I pray to become a woman after Your heart MORE than after atta boys and approval. I am tired remember and wanting what I want comes much more naturally…..praying to seek You and YOUR heart MORE than anything…..Your Grace, is better than life.

Joshua 21&22;Psalm 47;1 Corinthians 10

2008-03-25T14:18:00.002-05:00

I feel like a fish out of water, skin tight and unable to breathe when I am thinking more about me than others…..1 Corinthians 10: 24 Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others….this is new too because I think about me a lot….
I think I live my life looking out for me when You call me to a life of RISK…
I feel like a fish out of water when I am wanting more than looking at what I have.
I feel like a fish out of water when I am looking more at where I’m at than where I’ve been and where You’d have me go, risking everything because people coming to know YOU is more important than anything.
I feel like a fish out of water when I am looking for love more than loving.
I feel like a fish out of water when I …
I I I I I …..it’s all about me and more and more when I feel like a fish out of water I don’t want to jump back in…even though the relief would be quick……but I know the urge to jump back out would hit or maybe IF I continue to jump back in my heart will harden and I will just contentedly swim around the bowl instead of living this life of day to day…moment by moment surrender.
I feel like a fish out of water when ….maybe I just am a fish out of water????

Joshua 3- 6; 1 Corinthians 4

2008-03-19T08:55:00.004-05:00

How can a sheep do anything but look to the shepherd?

And what if that is enough?

Woke up at 3:30 this morning with Karlee on my heart…..
worry about nothing and pray about everything, sometimes easier said than done and yet YOU say do it.
This passion I have for scripture…..what to do with it?

This passion I have for lost to be found…..a week of sensitivity. It is said that this is a week in the secular world where it can’t be denied or at least there is much pointing to You. I don’t know and my desire to BE SOMEONE probably gets in the way of following my shepherd.
So today to pray for others, all others. To read YOUR word and pray for a spiritual awakening and for those awakened to come into contact with followers of You filled with a love You provide.

1 Corinthians 4
1-4 Don't imagine us leaders to be something we aren't. We are servants of Christ, not his masters. We are guides into God's most sublime secrets, not security guards posted to protect them. The requirements for a good guide are reliability and accurate knowledge. It matters very little to me what you think of me, even less where I rank in popular opinion. I don't even rank myself. Comparisons in these matters are pointless. I'm not aware of anything that would disqualify me from being a good guide for you, but that doesn't mean much. The Master makes that judgment.
5 So don't get ahead of the Master and jump to conclusions with your judgments before all the evidence is in. When he comes, he will bring out in the open and place in evidence all kinds of things we never even dreamed of—inner motives and purposes and prayers. Only then will any one of us get to hear the "Well done!" of God.
6 All I'm doing right now, friends, is showing how these things pertain to Apollos and me so that you will learn restraint and not rush into making judgments without knowing all the facts. It's important to look at things from God's point of view. I would rather not see you inflating or deflating reputations based on mere hearsay.
7-8 For who do you know that really knows you, knows your heart? And even if they did, is there anything they would discover in you that you could take credit for? Isn't everything you have and everything you are sheer gifts from God? So what's the point of all this comparing and competing? You already have all you need. You already have more access to God than you can handle. Without bringing either Apollos or me into it, you're sitting on top of the world—at least God's world—and we're right there, sitting alongside you!
9-13 It seems to me that God has put us who bear his Message on stage in a theater in which no one wants to buy a ticket. We're something everyone stands around and stares at, like an accident in the street. We're the Messiah's misfits. You might be sure of yourselves, but we live in the midst of frailties and uncertainties. You might be well-thought-of by others, but we're mostly kicked around. Much of the time we don't have enough to eat, we wear patched and threadbare clothes, we get doors slammed in our faces, and we pick up odd jobs anywhere we can to eke out a living. When they call us names, we say, "God bless you." When they spread rumors about us, we put in a good word for them. We're treated like garbage, potato peelings from the culture's kitchen. And it's not getting any better.
14-16 I'm not writing all this as a neighborhood scold just to make you feel rotten. I'm writing as a father to you, my children. I love you and want you to grow up well, not spoiled. There are a lot of people around who can't wait to tell you what you've done wrong, but there aren't many fathers willing to take the time and effort to help you grow up. It was as Jesus helped me proclaim God's Message to you that I became your father. I'm not, you know, asking you to do anything I'm not already doing myself.
17 This is why I sent Timothy to you earlier. He is also my dear son, and true to the Master. He will refresh your memory on the instructions I regularly give all the churches on the way of Christ.
18-20 I know there are some among you who are so full of themselves they never listen to anyone, let alone me. They don't think I'll ever show up in person. But I'll be there sooner than you think, God willing, and then we'll see if they're full of anything but hot air. God's Way is not a matter of mere talk; it's an empowered life.
21 So how should I prepare to come to you? As a severe disciplinarian who makes you toe the mark? Or as a good friend and counselor who wants to share heart-to-heart with you? You decide.

A sheep yup......nothing but a sheep.....be that 'someone' who follows Him and maybe those we rub against will seek Him for themselves.

Joshua 1-3; Psalm 37; 1 Corinthians 3

2008-03-18T08:40:00.002-05:00

1 Corinthians 3: 6 I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. 7So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. 8 The man who plants and the man who waters have one purpose, and each will be rewarded according to his own labor. 9 For we are God's fellow workers; you are God's field, God's building.

Ginny Owens I AM

No Lord, he said, you've got the wrong guy

Simple conversation gets me tongue-tied

And you're telling me to speak with a maniac king

Or could it be I've lost my mind

Besides, I am weak, don't you want someone strong

To lead them out of Egypt when they've been there so long

And anyway, they won’t believe You ever spoke to me

It's not your problem, God replied

And the rest is history’

Cause there's a bigger picture you can't see

You don't have to change the world, just trust in Me'

Cause I am your creator,

I am working out my plan

And through you I will show them, I Am

Now Lord, are you sure?

He's just a shepherd boy

Too small for battle gear with a giant to destroy

What on earth can he do with five stones and a sling

It's not your problem,

God replied' Cause I can do anything

There's a bigger picture you can't see

You don't have to change the world, just trust in me'

Cause I am your creator, I am working out my plan

And through you, I will show them

I am the first, I am the last

I am the present and the past

I am tomorrow and today

I am the only way

Great Lord, she said, I'm just a simple girl

You say that I will bring your son into the world

How can I understand this thing You're gonna do

It's not your problem, God replied'

Cause, there's a bigger picture

And you don't have to change the world (oh no)

I'm your creator, I am working out my plan

And through you, I will show them

There's a bigger picture, you can't see

You don't have to change the world, just trust in me’

Cause I am your creator, I am working out my plan

And through you, I will show them, I Am I Am

And I sit at Panera struggling against powerlessness……

Deuteronomy 32 - 34; 1 Corinthians 2

2008-03-17T08:48:00.002-05:00

1 Corinthians 2: 6-10 We, of course, have plenty of wisdom to pass on to you once you get your feet on firm spiritual ground, but it's not popular wisdom, the fashionable wisdom of high-priced experts that will be out-of-date in a year or so. God's wisdom is something mysterious that goes deep into the interior of his purposes. You don't find it lying around on the surface. It's not the latest message, but more like the oldest—what God determined as the way to bring out his best in us, long before we ever arrived on the scene. The experts of our day haven't a clue about what this eternal plan is. If they had, they wouldn't have killed the Master of the God-designed life on a cross. That's why we have this Scripture text: No one's ever seen or heard anything like this, Never so much as imagined anything quite like it— What God has arranged for those who love him. But you've seen and heard it because God by his Spirit has brought it all out into the open before you.
10-13The Spirit, not content to flit around on the surface, dives into the depths of God, and brings out what God planned all along. Who ever knows what you're thinking and planning except you yourself? The same with God—except that he not only knows what he's thinking, but he lets us in on it. God offers a full report on the gifts of life and salvation that he is giving us. We don't have to rely on the world's guesses and opinions. We didn't learn this by reading books or going to school; we learned it from God, who taught us person-to-person through Jesus, and we're passing it on to you in the same firsthand, personal way.
14-16 The unspiritual self, just as it is by nature, can't receive the gifts of God's Spirit. There's no capacity for them. They seem like so much silliness. Spirit can be known only by spirit—God's Spirit and our spirits in open communion. Spiritually alive, we have access to everything God's Spirit is doing, and can't be judged by unspiritual critics. Isaiah's question, "Is there anyone around who knows God's Spirit, anyone who knows what he is doing?" has been answered: Christ knows, and we have Christ's Spirit.

Self contempt or thinking I am just crazy as my Dad said is sometimes easier than the truth and yet in the TRUTH is freedom.....a freedom I don't know how to live in...a truth that takes me deeper and deeper into dependence on Him...

Deuteronomy 25 - 27; Galatians 5

2008-03-14T08:55:00.003-05:00

What if we looked at denominations as the table of Disciples? Not really getting along and yet all loving Jesus?
What if we looked at our leadership communities the same way? None of us having the full story or in the having of it shaping it to our preferences.... and yet looking, constantly continually looking to the one who does……
What if I did, pulling the plank out of my own eye and focusing all my heart, mind, strength and soul on Jesus.
Galatians 5: 13 You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. 14 The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself."[b] 15 If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.
Life by the Spirit
16 So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 17 For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.
19 The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

2008-03-13T09:29:00.000-05:00

"For grace to be grace, it must give us things we didn't know we needed, such as the pain of loss, or illness, or spiritual drought. As we stumble through the altered landscape of our lives, we find that God is enjoying our attention as never before. And maybe that's the point. We have finally dropped the mirror, and are looking for God."—Kathleen Norris

Deuteronomy 19-21; Galatians 3

2008-03-12T09:10:00.002-05:00

Feeling exceptionally broken yesterday and definitely refusing to go where You desire. Then hearing the story of my most precious Granddaughter, well this morning the picture I got was I was throwing a fit …I see You in everything and yet don’t operate in that seeing….I still act childishly instead of childlike and in the aftermath, the covering of myself with self contempt I can lose whatever it is You are leading me to, or seem to.
Galatians 3: 1 You crazy Galatians! Did someone put a hex on you? Have you taken leave of your senses? Something crazy has happened, for it's obvious that you no longer have the crucified Jesus in clear focus in your lives. His sacrifice on the cross was certainly set before you clearly enough.
2-4 Let me put this question to you: How did your new life begin? Was it by working your heads off to please God? Or was it by responding to God's Message to you? Are you going to continue this craziness? For only crazy people would think they could complete by their own efforts what was begun by God. If you weren't smart enough or strong enough to begin it, how do you suppose you could perfect it? Did you go through this whole painful learning process for nothing? It is not yet a total loss, but it certainly will be if you keep this up!

So anyway re: Miss Emma, her all of 5 and getting ready for kindergarten. Part of that getting ready is SHOTS. She kept telling her Mom she was going to be brave and walked right into the office without appearing to have a fear in the world. BUT when the needle came out and into her little arm, she lost it and was strong enough to make the nurse withdraw the needle 3 times, making for herself 7 shots, instead of 4. All were surprised at her reaction and said they would not have predicted that from her.
I have heard for sometime in regards to the S personality that we are ‘outwardly compliant and inwardly defiant’ ‘heard’ it to distraction and yet I see how it is true, heartbreakingly true.
I am basically scared of everything and will with a certain amount of obedience (rule keeping) go into most everything and then……I can ‘fit’ with the best of them……becoming childish instead of childlike and trusting. I don’t know, I think I am still processing a lot of it BUT bottom line I do want to be that child of faith following where YOU lead.

5-6 Answer this question: Does the God who lavishly provides you with his own presence, his Holy Spirit, working things in your lives you could never do for yourselves, does he do these things because of your strenuous moral striving or because you trust him to do them in you? Don't these things happen among you just as they happened with Abraham? He believed God, and that act of belief was turned into a life that was right with God.
7-8 Is it not obvious to you that persons who put their trust in Christ (not persons who put their trust in the law!) are like Abraham: children of faith? It was all laid out beforehand in Scripture that God would set things right with non-Jews by faith. Scripture anticipated this in the promise to Abraham: "All nations will be blessed in you."
9-10 So those now who live by faith are blessed along with Abraham, who lived by faith—this is no new doctrine! And that means that anyone who tries to live by his own effort, independent of God, is doomed to failure. Scripture backs this up: "Utterly cursed is every person who fails to carry out every detail written in the Book of the law."
11-12 The obvious impossibility of carrying out such a moral program should make it plain that no one can sustain a relationship with God that way. The person who lives in right relationship with God does it by embracing what God arranges for him. Doing things for God is the opposite of entering into what God does for you. Habakkuk had it right: "The person who believes God, is set right by God—and that's the real life." Rule-keeping does not naturally evolve into living by faith, but only perpetuates itself in more and more rule-keeping, a fact observed in Scripture: "The one who does these things [rule-keeping] continues to live by them."

Deuteronomy 16 - 18; Psalm 38; Galatians 2

2008-03-11T09:52:00.001-05:00

I have a confession to make: I only study deeply because the Bible is the only thing I trust in life. My life is as messy as anyone else’s – I have family troubles, job issues, financial needs and emotional challenges that could probably use some therapy. I struggle with sins just as much as anyone. I am not “there” yet, wherever that might be. I cling to the scriptures and try to point people to them because I’ve tried a lot of other things, and the scriptures are singularly reliable. I’m too afraid to trust anything else. …Scott Birkhead