Hosea 13-14; Psalm 100-102; Hebrews 5

I live so scared to LIVE You....why is that?? And is it even true??

A day of seeing YOU everywhere and in everything....
These days come more and more often and I am so grateful...

How did it happen??? ....for it to come to You infiltrating every part and parcel of my life....
Ahh....You always DID it's just that NOW I finally see it....THANK YOU...

Sitting at breakfast w/______...I pray for her and her Mom...PERIOD...I have no solutions or anything to offer but prayer....

Listening to _____ last nite, his prayer to be broken...I pray You honor it in a way he doesn't expect...I pray he FEEL YOUR love and power so tangibly....and that THAT be the driving force of his life, of our lives...YOUR LOVE....and in that love we LOVE lost people more and more and more...
LOST people...is that judgemental??...

i repent, i repent of confusing peace and idolatry by caring more of what they think than what i know of what we need

by domesticating you until you look just like me

i am wrong and of these things i repent

that combination of verses gives me alot to wrestle with....I don't know anything Father other than YOUR SON changes lives...changes Hearts and that seeking You, being found by You is the thing worth living for.....that LOVE .....so I come to You and Your word today with tears and a repentant heart, a seeking heart.....I pray to be soft and yielded to Your power ...pray to hear and immediately OBEY You.....

Hosea 13: 6 When I fed them, they were satisfied;

when they were satisfied, they became proud; then they forgot me.

How true....and yet WAS true could be applicable???....or ....

You just never let me be 'satisfied' now because I will become proud STILL...

I don't know...

what do I yearn for??...

everything else in my life is satisfying but I still yearn for a purpose ....OK a verifiable purpose with what???..... some kind of title or defined duties....I don't know......were YOU YOU to satisfy that longing I would become proud and forget You??.....hmmm...maybe.... and truly is this seeking YOU a purpose so wrong... ....it is a DRIVE...???

ooooo "but the drive should be loving others" and of course I continue to make everything about me so it's NOT seeking YOU it is seeking YOU to provide something for me.....ouch.....

I don't know I just overthink things so much .......just.....just what???

I KNOW what I am supposed to be doing and living and I just freaking keep on doing and living the way I want.......no that's not true...I have moments of being focused on You and trusting YOU totally....it's the other moments that I need to repent of...or maybe I will just always be......stubborn and rebellious??

Hosea 14: 9 Who is wise? He will realize these things. Who is discerning? He will understand them. The ways of the LORD are right; the righteous walk in them, but the rebellious stumble in them..