Thursday, May 04, 2006

2 Samuel 8-9; 1 Chronicles 18 - 19; Matthew 21


It's a Mess in Here!!!

Started with Women's Group this morning Ephesians 2...the whole Alive in Christ.....and realizing in the last month or so the freedom that is in Christ and in that freedom is so much...it IS so energizing.....alive in Christ......diving in.....riding the wave......freefalling....all of it connected to surrender.....and in the surrender....well it's much better than the sick Carousel I used to ride...I wonder if I even still have my ticket?? Probably and will pull it out next time I get scared and will go back to something SAFE, back to what I know / knew....but I hope not....RISKING EVERYTHING seems a much better way to live.......

Seeing myself as childish versus CHILDLIKE
Realizing I am an Israelite (always wanting to do what 'is right in my own eyes') versus surrendering my will and becoming fully devoted to Christ...
Seeing myself as the WHORE (hearing Derek Webbs song last nite I think it was 'The Wedding Dress' )...the PRODIGAL and realizing I am welcomed home....I do like or tend to mix my metaphors ( I told you it was messy!)

2 Samuel 8: .....The LORD gave David victory wherever he went. (repeated 2X in 8)

David's treatment of Mephibosheth, Grandson of Saul, son of his good friend Jonathan.....David a man after God's own heart.....I can learn much from him. He on his good days gave God all the glory and accepted that all victories were from Him on his bad days.....well.....like I said alot to learn from him and everyone....

The whole depth of thought thing though keeps coming back to me. Before I knew I was childish or rebellious or whorish I really and truly thought I was good people. No depth of thought just reacting and thinking my thoughts. This last 5 years or so becoming a seeker of You has changed EVERYTHING.
How often do I want to go back now?? Only when things get BAD or HARD or difficult or out of control or lethargic or apathetic or _________ insert anyword.....the going back to what I know instead of into what I KNOW....Living counterintuitive is the only way.....depth of thought, thinking about....everything rather than just reacting. Will I ever be able to react in a Godly way without thinking??
No probably not because then it would be ME and ........depth of thought.....but it's such a mess in there......which again is where reading the Bible has changed being afraid of what is in there to accepting it......?? accepting that it is Him wanting to change me and following that.......

And then this verse has been in my mind for weeks....how did that happen you know....having verses get stuck in my brain??? Thank you Father that is does.....alive in Christ, having as the whore, the brat, the stubborn mule fallen on You and recieved totally unearned GRACE.....
Matthew 21: 44 He who falls on this stone will be broken to pieces, but he on whom it falls will be crushed."

I don't think BH reads here but I think of him as I read this.....so loved and yet too stubborn to recieve it and I just pray he is not crushed.....

Check her out.....neater.....less messy....very powerful stuff!

4 comments:

Judas Hate said...

Thank you for your kind words:-)

Story idea credit goes to Curious Servant.

Took me a while to write as each time I tried to begin the story, all I kept thinking of was the movie "Antz".

Be well and happy.

J.

Jada's Gigi said...

What a tumultuous few years you have had...those first real breakthroughs of revelation are like that...but let me encourage you...something inside of you has been broken, has changed...you will never go back to being the same as before, there is a place of KNOWING inside that will never be the same again
Not that you won't continuously need Him and His grace but there ain't no going back now, sistah! :)

Larry said...

Yes... no going back at all. The bridge behind you is burning, but no matter. God will treat you well. Forward is the way, following his footprints, holding his hand, His spirit inside to do his slow inevitable work of changing your heart. To resist is to be miserable. Well, more miserable than you are when in a particularly difficult time.

I wish churches understood this kind of thing, but they don't. All machinery and steps and performance. God is bigger than our ideas of him, and goes about his business of changing hearts without regard for the current intellectual fashion in evangelism or discipleship.

Listen to him. His voice ever whispers "It will be better ahead." One day maybe I'll even believe it. As it is... I nibble forward, eyes closed, dreading the future. I've been trained well but God's teaching can change that. Is changing it. I wish it felt better.

Bar Bar A said...

the beauty is that your recognize these things. Hope that makes snese its very late.