As with most things not quite sure where the thought process started and yet here I am thinking about .......and wondering what your thoughts are......It seems as though my life is a tightrope......and as with any tightrope it is suspended high up in the air and it's a dangerous thing to walk. Now a tightrope to be suspended up high has to have or be suspended between 2 points....In the circus those points are platforms and to get to those platforms you must climb a really dangerous pole and at the top of the pole is the platform and the tightrope is suspended between the two of them.
In my life it seems at 50 I have scaled the pole and am now on the platform of 'my desires' , finally seeing it for what it is (because as you're climbing up you can only see it in the distance and THAT'S what you're going for) .....and here it is this tiny little platform........
and clear across the way, to be reached by walking this tightrope is another platform and that platform seems to be so far away and it is 'what God wants'.....
I spend alot of time tiptoeing out and away from 'my desires' ...timidly heading for 'what God wants', hitting a place of passion and even running towards Him and yet never resting in and on THAT platform, if I have ever really reached it??
As soon as the passion subsides and I start looking at what I'm headed for ....like Peter walking on the water you start to sink and on the tightrope you just start shaking and knowing you are about to fall so why not go back to the platform that I KNOW and just stand there some more.......
and what would it look like anyway you know.....
so I try really hard to walk the tightrope, to find the balance, the right amount of tension.....
So back to the platform of MY DESIRES.....
It's been exhilarating heading for the other side....
A moment to catch my breath and ......another step out...and another and another.....
the rope shakes...the temptation to quit.....and yet....
Hating the platform....knowing I can't go back...
could I really make it to the other side???
It calls to me...the more I see my own selfishness and feel His grace...
I mean I made it this far didn't I......
I feel His grace and feel His call ....
Another step out focused on Him .......
Almost running to Him and there comes a bit of a wobble in the rope...
Can't even see the platform now it is so much safer to go back.....
No I can hear Him calling me I run wildly onto the platform but never quite get my balance so
I end up running wobbly, disappointedly back...to the platform I KNOW.....
Am I supposed to do it slower?
Am I supposed to find a balance with each step??
All I can do for right now is see both the platforms and KNOW in my heart I am supposed to learn....to walk the tightrope to the other side.....
4 comments:
BJK,
The image of the tightrope...I can relate. How do we find balance? Why do we FEEL we are doing this alone. God is with us...the Holy Spirit is with us...we are being cheered on...
..."running wobbly, disappointedly back..." I understand.
Danielle
This is where community comes in so handily and practically. It is so wonderful to have saints around you as well as that great cloud of witnesses who are cheering you on, holding your hands and catching you when you fall off, even draggin you back to the platform when you don't wnat to try anymore....there is no good substitution for the church...I guess He knew that when He birthed Her...we are not meant to live this life alone.
Go ahead and fall off. The platform behind you has little to offer. The one ahead, you'll reach in time.
It's like skiing. If you feel yourself starting to fall, you're better off to get organized and just go ahead. Fighting it, you get tense and are more likely to break something.
If you fall off the rope--which you will do--God's hand is right there to catch you. I used to dread the abyss under the knife edge. Now I've been suspended over it so long I'm more or less used to it: nothing between me and Hell but God's hand. It's pretty strong.
I've not gotten much support in following Jesus from the church. I suppose if your thinking and ways of living fit the church's model of of what a person should be, you're in good shape. But those who ask harder questions and want real answers have no place to go, in my experience, except for God Himself. Ideally the church would be the place you go for understanding, but they're more often about protecting dogma and turf than actually helping people grow.
God has an individual path designed for each person. Churches try to standardize those paths into something that fits their structure. I think God laments the lack of freedom we give him in guiding us, and rebuilding us.
In short... you're doing fine. Keep on walking. God holds the rope...
I don't think Larry and I are on the same page with the whole "church" thing....my experience with the institutional church sounds much like HIs but that does not negate the true Church where Christ is the head...She does exist...I just forget that most haven't seen Her as She really is....
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