Closer fellowship with God through dependence on Christ, on the Word…on the Holy Spirit….it’s cool and scary stuff at the same time….scary in that there really is no part of my life I can keep away from HIM and cool that…..well YOU feel Him so interested but then that’s just scary too…….All of it good and bad at the same time…….bad in that my heart hurts a lot and when it does I look at it and when I look at it I see more selfishness in me and yet in the looking is GRACE and…..bad in that maybe that’s good…….???
But see I get to thinking things I’m not sure I really know…I get to thinking I know MORE than I am supposed to know…I get to thinking…maybe the point is I get to thinking TOO MUCH………but ……
2 Chronicles 36: 11-13 Zedekiah was twenty-one years old when he started out as king. He was king in Jerusalem for eleven years. As far as God was concerned, he was just one more evil king; there wasn't a trace of contrition in him when the prophet Jeremiah preached God's word to him. Then he compounded his troubles by rebelling against King Nebuchadnezzar, who earlier had made him swear in God's name that he would be loyal. He became set in his own stubborn ways—he never gave God a thought; repentance never entered his mind.
14 The evil mindset spread to the leaders and priests and filtered down to the people—it kicked off an epidemic of evil, repeating the abominations of the pagans and polluting The Temple of God so recently consecrated in Jerusalem.
15-17 God, the God of their ancestors, repeatedly sent warning messages to them. Out of compassion for both his people and his Temple he wanted to give them every chance possible. But they wouldn't listen; they poked fun at God's messengers, despised the message itself, and in general treated the prophets like idiots. God became more and more angry until there was no turning back—God indiscriminately—and right in The Temple itself; it was a ruthless massacre: young men and virgins, the elderly and weak—they were all the same to him. called in Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon, who came and killed indiscriminately—and right in The Temple itself; it was a ruthless massacre: young men and virgins, the elderly and weak—they were all the same to him.
Set in my own stubborn ways….. never giving a thought to God and repentance… You could have said that about me before it never entered my mind, what did I have to repent of…??…. …before……before…making a decision to invite Christ into my heart….before making a decision that I was going to live a life of faith…before letting the Holy Spirit roam around every part of my life and before I was willing to listen to what He might point out to me…before…….and now the cool and scary part of HE has wanted to BE in every part and it was my stubborn refusal to admit how badly I needed HELP……
how badly I didn’t want to be seen as a freak…..and now knowing I AM a FREAK but not knowing how YOU want me to operate in that??? So yeah….how do you operate in a hearing from God that says……well just the fact that I ‘think’ I am hearing from Him tells me and you that I am a FREAK right???
So what now you know….what now???
You teach what you believe, but you can only reproduce who you are???
Am I supposed to reproduce a bunch of people who…who…..who love God with their whole hearts and are never going to be sure of anything save that the rest of their lives spent in seeking Him and His will…..what will YOU do in that???? Yeah....if only I could live there.....