Monday, September 18, 2006


So 3000 miles in 8 days on the back of the bike…..
I bitched and moaned beforehand ….

OH GOD give me a vacation….
oh yeah I can be...I AM that pathetic

I cannot believe how much I focus on what I WANT rather than resting in YOUR provision of what I need…..

I cannot believe how truly blessed I am……

Sitting on the back of the bike I think thoughts…I pray Roman 8:26 prayers…..I wonder and cry… I sing Praise songs…..I seem to in those moments be less about me, because I am on vacation??

I think ….well I THINK many things……

I thought about atheists and Lost People ….I think about the wounds life has left on them…I think how they must self protect….
I think how all He asks is me to love Him and others….all others……He doesn’t ask me to fix anyone…He doesn’t ask me to judge ....in fact He tells me quite clearly to NOT think myself better than anyone….To not worry but to PRAY….
He does say to LOVE OTHERS all others……I think I don’t because I SELF PROTECT and want more from them, want their love before I will love them…???

I think if I truly lived in the KNOWING what I know….

That I am protected if never safe…
That God is in control of everything…….
That I have already received more than I could ever earn or deserve or believe……

That I can’t earn God’s love anymore than I can lose it…..
That a life spent seeking Him is a life of incredible freedom and power and contentment….
That contentment doesn’t mean being LAZY…
That contentment doesn’t mean spiritually satisfied…….

That being spiritually dissatisfied means MOVE towards Him or turn back toward Him or open myself to HIM……

I thought about Lost People a lot….I wondered if the term Lost People is offensive….
I thought about when I was LOST, I didn’t know it….I didn’t want to hear about being LOST….but it didn't make me any less lost....

I thought about convictions without Faith ….you’re simply stubborn…I was…..
But convictions with FAITH has made me softer ....but the softness has brought me more convictions….
I thought about my convictions being based in what I have come to know from reading the Bible…and allowing.....well allowing the Holy Spirit to have free rein in my life.....allowing Christ to become...everything...I thought about how that happened...is happening.....
I thought about the Bible and how much JOY it brings me…
I thought about how that doesn’t make sense…..because I never read the bible and was scared of it and how the fear kept me from reading it and how did I lose the fear??
I thought about how SUPERNATURAL the Bible is….and yet there are people who read and believe and preach the Bible who perhaps have never experienced God or wrestled with Him over something they’ve read.
I thought about how I wrestle with Him.... about everything and how even in the losing I have come to love Him and and and the wrestling and the Bible…….
I also prayed alot of Romans 8:26 prayers....realizing that I don't know as much as I thought I knew.....made trusting the Holy Spirit with my prayers much easier.....so I prayed for alot of you.....Your names just kept coming to my mind and I just thought and prayed and trusted and.....
I thought and prayed.....about a lot and haven’t sorted much of it out ….
But I think I have liked writing it down here…….
So.....what do you KNOW....build your life on....what have YOU been thinking??

6 comments:

Bar Bar A said...

I am so glad your back! I missed you a ton and am glad we got to catch up a bit this morning via email !!

Larry said...

I've been thinking about self-esteem. A fahionable topic. People talk much about protecting it, maintaining it, strengthening it. Christians at the same time pooh-pooh the whole topic. It seems, though, that the wandering track of my life has led up to this particular idea and the only way to find out what it's about is to go take a look.

I don't want to. I long since have made accommodation with hating myself. Why upset the age-old patterns? Because God is interested in health.

Christine said...

I have bullet-proof self-esteem, but it isn't the cure-all they would have you believe.

Confidence in God is an unshakable thing, while self-confidence has to be worked on way too much, bolstered up by self-involved thoughts, causing the person to lack any real humility.
And humility is the road to God's feet, because it's the path of Christ.

By now, I would be so bold as to say that until we're ready to face our inherent lack of true worth, we won't find out the extent of God's love and grace. True confidence comes when we stop trying to convince ourselves of our own worth, shift the focus off ourselves and put all confidence in God.

You lost your fear because "perfect love casts out fear"~ your heart found God, not just your brain! :)

Sorry for the long post~

Jada's Gigi said...

What an awesoem trip that must have been. All that time to jsut think on HIm...beautiful! He is really working in you. I can see that very clearly.
I think I've been thinking about the song lyrics I posted last Friday. made to worship...I think I have come to the conclusion that we are NOT made to worship...we are made or fellowship...with Him, with His body...He has called us friends, not servants, though we are more confortable in the servant mode. Lots of things..I'll probably post on this later in the week....I'm finding it has something to do with the fire and water thing too...who would've thunk it?? :) Good to have you back.

MaryAnn M said...

3000 miles on the back of the bike...

i would be moaning about MY back!! LOL
i get done with a short ride to dinner and back and i am DONE!

Robert said...

Awesome thoughts!!! I think.... that God Jesus and the Holy Spirit want a love relationship and i find that so much harder to accept deep deep down as opposed to a set criterion of who They are and what They want etc your posts draw my heart to seek the living water Christ is always offering!!!