The book of JOB, my understanding of who God is is changing.
Not a vending machine for me to go to when I want or think I need something.
Not a stern Father waiting to slap my hand in discipline.
Not a JUDGE waiting for me to screw up and thus pass judgement and sentence on me.
Not a big ooey gooey marshmallow god looking to embrace me into believing in him.
Not …..all the things He’s not and what He is becoming to me is this amazing mysterious God with ways I can never fully comprehend and yet relational enough that THAT is His desire, my heart seeking Him and THAT understanding….Me, insignificant selfish, sinful, selfprotecting me to trust Him with everything. To KNOW He provided it all and desired me to appreciate and acknowledge all of it, where it came from and use it for purposes He designed. Not because I am supposed to but because IF I do, WHEN I do……there is a life I never dreamed possible there for me to claim.
A life I don’t deserve and yet receive.
A life I don’t understand, but in my believing in Him and His goodness will be what He intended and what He intended is good….not without danger and pain and trials and difficulties but in trusting Him in the danger, through the pain and trials and difficulties…..good. Not a life that looks like what I could ever imagine or thought to be good….but in the trusting of HIM , the life He has planned. I don’t know and maybe I never will but in the seeking of Him and His will there is risk and excitement and purpose…….
Job 2: 13 Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.
I wonder if my trusting of You will ever get me to the place where there is nothing I HAVE to say……to just be able to sit with someone for even 2 days without trying to offer something when truly there is nothing I have to offer, but in the sitting and trusting YOU will that, would that be comfort enough???
Before I had advice, I had answers and solutions…..now I don’t but that doesn’t seem to stop me from conjuring some up and yet this new faith, understanding, trust of and for YOU am I becoming different??? I see my friend turning away from you, building walls to protect herself from any and all who can hurt her and in her pain she even sees YOU as someone out to hurt her….can I …am I supposed to simply trust YOU myself, pray for her and listen…..for how long…….not my place to preach to her TRUST YOU but for me to TRUST YOU MYSELF……. ....her suffering has gone on for years……how can I get her to go to YOU for comfort if I am not comforted by you…….
I started writing a story about her the other day…. Once upon a time there was a Princess born to a King. She was a precious little child and the love she had for her Father and his love for her was legendary. But as children do she grew up and when she came out from under her Fathers protection , no that’s not what it was because her Daddy always protected her. It’s when she decided that living in and under Daddy’s rules, no that’s not it either. Her Daddy was no longer ENOUGH for her and thus began a relationship with that word that came close to destroying her. ENOUGH
Easy to see in someone else but I saw it in me……ENOUGH can still drive me, wanting more and never having ENOUGH……but I need to sit with her and let YOU be enough for me in the listening and in THAT being my comfort, perhaps there will be a day when she seeks the same ……..
Acts 6: 15All who were sitting in the Sanhedrin looked intently at Stephen, and they saw that his face was like the face of an angel.
In the middle of accusations ……filled with the Holy Spirit..full of faith and trust…speaking of things he didn’t know first hand, that he got through the OT teachings……that’s what I have now…..the Bible and for good or bad, for right or wrong THAT is my truth and with the power of the Holy Spirit dwelling within me THAT I am going to trust…to be like Stephen…filled with the Holy Spirit and faith and trust in all that is unseen…..Acts 7: 59 While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, "Lord Jesus, receive my spirit." 60 Then he fell on his knees and cried out, "Lord, do not hold this sin against them." When he had said this, he fell asleep.
What if you know…what if we believed like Stephen………