Do you know how to tell your story??
Where are you at in your story??
I think I am at a place where God is so real…experientially REAL and from reading the bible I can also intellectually KNOW He’s real... so for now I am blessed and my prayer is for when that moment comes.... and we all know that we have them when I don’t FEEL or experience Him I can still choose to KNOW......that He is there, always has been and always will be……It’s taken a lot of wrestling…a lot of surrender…to feel this…to know this…..but it’s real….
He’s real….now how to live in and under such BIG stuff……because in the knowing HOW REAL He is …..I am coming to know how very little I know......and that feels…..makes me feel small and yet for the first time sensing the FREEDOM in that…..
And then you read Corinthians…..could I live in such poverty and disdain…me who craves approval?? Could I live...1 Corinthians 4: 9 For it seems to me that God has put us apostles on display at the end of the procession, like men condemned to die in the arena. We have been made a spectacle to the whole universe, to angels as well as to men. 10 We are fools for Christ, but you are so wise in Christ! We are weak, but you are strong! You are honored, we are dishonored! 11 To this very hour we go hungry and thirsty, we are in rags, we are brutally treated, we are homeless. 12 We work hard with our own hands. When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it; 13 when we are slandered, we answer kindly. Up to this moment we have become the scum of the earth, the refuse of the world….
Would in that moment I be able to CHOOSE to believe??? Because there would be no experience?? The churches in China…they pray for us to endure , to experience the persecution they endure there……I don’t know….am I supposed to?
If I did KNOW then when it came or comes….it would be ME doing it or still THINKING I was and the whole of it is....... it never is ..me….I without Christ…..without depending on Him am not only lost but incapable of enduring anything……
I don’t wish for any trials I just pray that when they come…when the valley of death or darkness comes I can somehow…someway….CHOOSE to remember what I know today….. I don’t want to be dishonored…….to be persecuted…..but HE IS REAL……
Just a lot to process….more and more to ponder…but from all the wrestling and being beaten or pinned….
no….
in the surrender, the abandoning myself to You and Your will in the calling of UNCLE…there is nothing but GRACE…..scandalous……ridiculous GRACE……
2 comments:
Ahh the definition of a laborer with Christ...I Cor 4:9...
There was a band of believers in the mid centuries called the Waldensians(actually there were hundreds)...they sent out workers to minister among the churches which had no local leadership only these traveling workers...an old man paired with a young man...when these young workers were chosen by thier churches to be sent out they were each given a miniature guillotine as a token of their commitment to Christ and His church...it was basiclaly a death sentence in those days to even BE Waldensian much less be a worker among them...
Their very real knowing of Him carried them, even propelled them into danger...ours will carry us too and if necessary keep us in danger as well.
I'm so thankful you are knowing Him..really knowing Him...that's bedrock..
Jada's gigi - fascinating comment. Wow.
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