2 Samuel 19 & 20; Psalm 55; Matthew 28

There’s a lot going on and as per usual not about me and yet I sense other people’s ‘stuff’ or I interject myself into other people’s ‘stuff’ or we’re all just broken people and there’s always gonna be ‘stuff’.
In the ‘stuff’ is opportunities to point people to You……there’s opportunities to listen and I hope and pray that that’s all I do……I pray to be aware and sensitive to it and yet to always fight my urges to interject myself into and fix…..like I could fix anything…!

(TNIV)
Matthew 28: 8 The women ran quickly from the tomb. They were very frightened but also filled with great joy, and they rushed to give the disciples the angel’s message.

20 Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

(Msg.)
Matt. 28:8 The women, deep in wonder and full of joy, lost no time in leaving the tomb. They ran to tell the disciples.

20 I'll be with you as you do this, day after day after day, right up to the end of the age."

It’s ok to be what I am w/is frightened and yet anticipatory and filled, becoming filled with JOY……and YOU are with me…….so just to live grateful and prayerfully focused there……I don’t know how but knowing that I want to and it seeming to be what YOU want……just frightened and yet not filled with fear, filled with anticipatory joy……
I remember learning to snorkel and how paniced I got and how in the panic I would raise my head up out of the water and basically quit and start over. I somehow heard in my head for the first time ‘keep at it’ and I did, breathing through the panic eventually and the rewards were……it was so relaxing I got to see things I’d never seen and may never see again…I got to swim with sea turtles in the ocean swim with SEA TURTLES and seals….it was amazing…

The next morning I saw the journey, the spiritual connection to how I had handled the learning to snorkel and how I heard ‘perservere’/ ‘keep at it’…. I don’t think I knew in the moment I was ‘quitting’ and yet in the looking at it now I see the pattern…panic and quit…oh I always start again but I don’t, have never perservered whether in relationships or whatever I have./had a pattern of panic....quit…..start over…panic...quit….start over…quit…….if I lived anticipatorily frightened and confident??

Anticipatorily frightened…..yet joyful would I….will I still panic??
Seems as though everything these days has a spiritual connotation…..thinking deeply without obsessing it just seems different…..