Dan’s brother is out of the hospital (and doing well btw) and Dan is driving at this moment to spend some time with him in Colorado…I am praying that Dan in these 11 hours in the car is just with God and that from that time spent he just IS with Tim. There are things I so wish I could express and that I can’t frustrates me and then I have to be careful that THAT very frustration doesn’t grow into a full blown FIT. This week in prayer, I was mostly hard hearted…..I know because of how it broke Sunday morning….I wish I knew when it was hardening or knew what to do or did what I am supposed to do to stay soft and….but I didn’t or don’t or won’t….. Wanting what I want over and over and……it becomes so strong and yet I don’t realize that (??) and even in prayer I am demanding God to do what I want and forgetting to TRUST what He wants….I don’t do that naturally, TRUST…..I think I yearn to naturally, but what I do is demand .
We made a mistake. What we should have done when people crossed the line of faith and become Christians, we should have started telling people and teaching people that they have to take responsibility to become ‘self feeders.’ We should have gotten people, taught people, how to read their bible between service, how to do the spiritual practices much more aggressively on their own.
This just grows my respect for Bill Hybles, which was already there. His vision and passion for lost people is what directed / inspired Roy Moran and his wife Candy to create Shoal Creek where I found, was led to, had revealed to me…I don’t know how to describe undertaking a journey of epic proportions and a relationship with Jesus, before unknown to me. It came and grew because they followed, Roy led….. where Wayne Cordeiro was also leading, creating a reading plan that allowed us to read the bible together and taught us to journal through our thoughts ….I love the Bible and say that reading it has changed my heart in ways I’m not even yet in touch with. The Bible is for all practical purposes to my mind is the only way we have now to know who God is. I know we as believers and followers of Christ have the Holy Spirit and I am coming to love and trust that voice in me but not always. I am first and foremost about me and that THAT is forgiven staggers me most days, but the thing is most days I am not looking at and seeing that penchant for what it is and accepting that forgiveness….
I love that even hard hearted He spoke to me and it broke my heart and in that breaking there is ever more desire to be in the Bible. One of the biggest blessing in my life is that I share this love and desire with my husband…..we don’t always get the same thingswe don’t always get to share what we do get, what we are wrestling with…but that we have this between us has grown our love for each other and others and leading us to the ‘all others’ piece…..I really believe that.
So I will continue to read and share what touches me here and pray for more and more to fall deeply in love with this book… Because I believe that the more people fall in love with it, what it says, the more it transforms us and the more we are transformed the more He can do in and through us because the transformation is nothing but LOVE….