Just feeling sorry for myself today I guess......and not sure why?
I hear "Focus on ME"..
I hear it and I'm trying but there is this other voice that is nagging at me.....WHY??

Father God....Jesus I am so frightened...no, not frightened....weary...that's it, just coming off vacation and I am weary....weary of continuing to fail...weary of never giving it to YOU....weary of giving it to You and feeling just another wave coming.....weary of keeping my head above water....weary.....

And then I read YOUR precious word:
Is. 50:4 4 The Sovereign LORD has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. (YOU heard me...why am I surprised?) He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught. (reminding me of my unteachable heart??)
Is. 51:6-7 6 Lift up your eyes to the heavens, look at the earth beneath; the heavens will vanish like smoke, the earth will wear out like a garment and its inhabitants die like flies. But my salvation will last forever, my righteousness will never fail. 7 "Hear me, you who know what is right, you people who have my law in your hearts:Do not fear the reproach of men or be terrified by their insults. (focus on YOU, always and always. Focused on ME, I get lost and weary...focused on YOU on JESUS I see my salvation assured....)
2 Peter 1: 2Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. 3His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 4Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. (thinking always about myself...)
If only you know...to think on and about...to focus on YOU.....and in that focus... 5For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 8For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. (and I want to....perservere and to grow in love....I want to be effective and productive.......in Christ I am assured?!!)
If I don't figure out how to NOT be so focused on me and how to focus on You there are people who won't know??
Ok it's not my job...or is it??......
This is all too wonderful to know THAT much I have figured out...is it my job???....9But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins. 10Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, 11and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
I don't know anything but how wonderful You are....
I don't know anymore what to do or say or be.....I am weary unless I am focused on You and focused on You I am......excited and scared at the same time....so I guess just keep on keeping on, remembering it's all been done .....focused on You I am absolutely smitten, in love with my saviour.....HE DID it for me....focused on that I see.......a quote I picked up yesterday....
You get to check in with God morning-by-morning, moment-by-moment. You get to spend time late at night or before the sun rises seeking the face of the Lord. It’s not got to, it’s get to—and that makes all the difference in the world, for once you’re free from the ‘got to’s,’ you invariably do more than you ever did before......unknown
I am blessed to have this relationship...I am blessed beyond belief and that I forget that, I am sorry...the weariness so much of me focused on ME and I am sorry....