Daniel 9-10; Psalm 123; Luke 5

So much.....that's what I want to scream...YES scream "so much so much so much" and yet if it were to stop I would be sad, I would be restless. This call to surrender 'feels' so all encompassing, so vital and important, so conversely scary and exciting.

I don't know, I just know that God is calling me to 'something' and if I don't follow, don't 'answer', don't 'surrender' I will feel........empty.......

Daniel 10: 15 While he was saying this to me, I bowed with my face toward the ground and was speechless.

Psalm 123: 1 I lift up my eyes to you, to you whose throne is in heaven.
2 As the eyes of slaves look to the hand of their master, as the eyes of a maid look to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the LORD our God, till he shows us his mercy.

Luke 5: 8When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus' knees and said, "Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!"
Luke 5: 12While Jesus was in one of the towns, a man came along who was covered with leprosy.[c] When he saw Jesus, he fell with his face to the ground and begged him, "Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean."

First, I see the reverence of and for God.
Do I possess that?
You have to know where you're at to know where you're going?.....

I came to Christ with a view of God that was ambivalent, I had to go look up the word and YES it applies.... 2 a : continual fluctuation (as between one thing and its opposite) b : uncertainty as to which approach to follow.....I don't think I knew as the word came to mind just how applicable it was, is. But have I ever been AFRAID of God?? Is reverence FEAR??
See this is where I just get lost....and yet the PULL to be closer to YOU is so incredibly strong.......maybe I am to become 'speechless'......maybe I am feeling the YOKE of slavery of serving You and while it is ....
Matthew 11:28-30 28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
....it is a YOKE there are in the NIV version alone 60 references to a YOKE in the old and NEW testament.......for someone who wants what she wants all the time a YOKE denotes some kind of slavery and yet the life I have lived without being in Christ has been the worst kind of bondage....I know I know it doesn't make any kind of sense but to me it is starting to.....so there it is, the mush that is my brain and my heart.....the ying and yang of wanting to follow so much and seeing yourself as stubbornly unwilling......but YOU have to know where you are AT before you can know where you are GOING and I want to follow Jesus...I do, I really do....