This morning reading in Daniel re: his vision of the 'end times' and then in Luke where Jesus is tempted.

Struck by my ability to get sidetracked.....focused so much on what I can't do instead of focusing on Christ and surrendering my will to want to DO something. Struck by the futility of the times we are living in, so much terror and tragedy in the Gulf States focused on how I wish I could DO something.......sidetracked.... and so much thinking 'I know' .....sidetracked ....in me worrying about family and friends NOT SAVED (what makes me think I know hearts??).... that I miss what and where God may want me to be or doing. How can I risk anything when I am so worried about everything.......and I hear worry about nothing and pray about everything....so I need to PRAY alot more and LISTEN alot more.....

Nothing profound here, nothing I don't discover daily.......and yet this SURRENDER feels different..........maybe that's the point you know.......that there is nothing I CAN DO and facing how badly I want to be GOD and DO SOMETHING and then realizing....how really sinful that is....did I just say " I want to be God?"
Again nothing profound just more of the same old same old.... I think of the movie Bruce Almighty, he wanted to be God and look what happened to him??
I love Christ with my whole heart and soul and yet 'maybe' I am still just wanting to BE God??? I am reading the 139th Psalm in the mornings and finding such solace there...verses 4 &5 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me and then verses 23 & 24 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting......
So YOU know this about me and what me to LOOK AT IT and see it for what it is and focus on Christ and surrender ALL to YOU.....
You gotta know where you are at before you can know where you are going.....I am at the beginning......will always come back to the beginning.....and then I go to my inbox and THIS is what I open......


September 21, 2005
MISSIONARY PREDESTINATIONS
And now, saith the Lord, that formed me from the womb to be His servant. Isaiah 49:5

The first thing that happens after we have realized our election to God in Christ Jesus is the destruction of our prejudices and our parochial notions and our patriotisms; we are turned into servants of God's own purpose. The whole human race was created to glorify God
and enjoy Him for ever. Sin has switched the human race on to an other tack, but it has not altered God's purpose in the tiniest degree; and when we are born again we are brought into the
realization of God's great purpose for the human race, viz., I am created for God, He made me. This realization of the election of God is the most joyful realization on earth, and we have to learn to rely on the tremendous creative purpose of God. The first thing God will do with us is to "force through the channels of a single heart" the interests of the whole world. The love of God, the very nature of God, is introduced into us, and the nature of Almighty God is focused in John 3:16 - "God so loved the world. . ." We have to maintain our soul open to the fact of God's creative purpose, and not muddle it with our own intentions. If we do, God
will have to crush our intentions on one side however much it may hurt. The purpose for which the missionary is created is that he may be God's servant, one in whom God is glorified. When once we realize that through the salvation of Jesus Christ we are made perfectly fit for God, we shall understand why Jesus Christ is so ruthless in His demands. He demands absolute rectitude from His servants, because He has put into them the very nature of God. Beware lest you forget God's purpose for your life.