All to Jesus I surrender

All to Him I freely give;

I will ever love and trust Him,

In his presence daily live.
I surrender all, I surrender all;

All to thee, my blessed Savior,I surrender all.
All to Jesus I surrender,

Humbly at His feet I bow,Worldly pleasures all forsaken,

Take me Jesus, take me now.
I surrender all, I surrender all;

All to thee, my blessed Savior,I surrender all.

Wow those are some lyrics aren't they?? Written over 100 years ago. A daily struggle and yet one I feel really called to today especially......or finally or.... I don't know anymore......I am fearfully surrendering it all (smoking-weight loss and $$$$).........choosing in this moment to live surrendering All.......help me moment to moment to remember YOU are God and I'm not.....

I surrender all but what I WANT is a friend who will explore me....who won't be scared by the BLACK HOLE that is me....who won't run away and throw me away.....I want to be LOVED........Ah hell who am I kidding, I got that....YOU are the most amazing God and I know that YOU know all this without me saying it and THAT should be enough, it sometimes is enough......But today I am feeling even more wretched and worthless than usual or maybe it is the first time I have felt truly worthless??? And in that worthlessness I sense YOU right here....loving me and pulling me deeper and deeper into feeling all that I am feeling....not to get stuck but to be pulled towards freedom.......wierd huh??? What a weak link huh?? Always and forever the weakest link.......and that just sucks....and yet what keeps me right here with YOU......that weakness.......You are a funny funny God you know....I don't mean that with any disrespect and yet maybe that too is a problem...approaching You with reverence and fear.......maybe I need even more of that?? Ooooooh boy......Thank You Father for the journey.....