Thursday, November 17, 2005

Happy Birthday Dara!!!

Decided I should blog about my daughter as today is her 25th BD!!

What a ride, this parenting trip has been. What a mess I made of it and yet how God has blessed us in spite of the mistakes. What a blessing being a parent IS. What a blessing our children ARE.

Dara my middle child. She of the dramatic bent, of the roller coaster ride of emotions, of the incredible fingerprint of God.

Parenting her was my/our toughest gig. She was not going to allow me to be about ME. She had a will and a determination that I misread in so many ways. Misread because I didn't know how to read people , I only put them in boxes that I could control. And Dara was not to be boxed in and as soon as I realized that...well there of course is MUCH MORE to the story than that.

I parented the only way I knew how. I loved my kids but I didn't KNOW nor LOVE God more and so I parented my kids, I managed my kids....I didn't KNOW the mystery of God.

The journey began when my oldest was a senior in High School. She was a delight, because she stayed in the box I created for her and for that I will be eternally sorry. Her leaving or the potential of her leaving for college created a void that scared me and in that my period of omnipotence and omnicience I anticipated that SHE too would experience a void in her life that was surely going to send her straight into a CULT. ( Do you know how it hurts to write that I THOUGHT I was omnipotent and omnicient...I HATE admitting that but it was sooo true) ...Thus began our journey at Shoal Creek. The journey of realizing we were not, no matter how we had successfully presented ourselves GOOD PEOPLE.

My biggest fear was one of my children ending up in therapy thus proving my inadequacy at parenting (remember everything is always about ME)...became true. I don't know how else to explain the journey...there have been so many ...and see this was going to be about DARA....

What can I say....we battled...we fought......we loved each other......I wanted her to be whole and happy and I think what God wanted was her to be WHOLE and FREE and to Glorify Him.....I didn't KNOW I swear I didn't know......I am reading this book about Soul Care and the what if's are staggering....what if we are NOT to be Happy in our marriages , our jobs, our relationships....what if they are not about making us HAPPY but about in the midst of it figuring out how to Glorify God...This is BIG STUFF and not easily understood....But that's the journey and the BIGGEST joy of my life. It's been messy and hard and complicated and confusing and the best part of my life....finding, being found, seeking , being sought, God through Christ in His Spirit ....again about Dara....

She is to me the epitome of a story. She fought hard against Him, against believing in Him, against yielding her life to Him and yet in the battle HE became more and more real and released in her More and MORE passion and exuberance and love and a FREEDOM she has always sought. I thank God for her in my life, I thank God for her journey, I thank God for saving her and guiding her deeper and deeper into finding His will for her life.
Happy Birthday Dara you have the fingerprint of God.....follow you MOM


Bruce said...

Happy Birthday Dara!

I know, mom, how difficult it is to parent, but I only had one daughter.

I'm guessing from Dara being out in CA, seeking God's will and face, that somewhere along the line you and your husband did ok. We do the best we can and then leave the rest up to God. What else do we have?


Anonymous said...

Oh my! I have often thought, those very same thing! What if life is not all about being happy? What if we are meant to glorify God through difficult imperfect times? What if we're missing so much because we're just "sticking through" it to get to the happy. I love thinking stuff like that. I love sticking people with the what ifs. Thanks for this post.

curious servant said...

I want to thank you for your frequent visits and words of encouragement on my blog. I especially wish to thank you for your prayers.

May God continue to bless you. happy Thanksgiving.