arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...I feel like a piece of soggy toast....like a dirty sock all limp and stinky in the corner of the laundry basket...like a bug squished on the sidewalk still kind of oozy....like a leaf all brown and crinkly blowing in the breeze...yup I feel like all of them....at the mercy of.....used up and yet still wanting to be revived and renewed and reused....see this all makes total sense to me and really makes me feel better to write it down even. In my weakness YOU get stronger and I am feeling pretty weak right now....tired and weak....used up and well you get the picture.
So I come to YOU right now Father with a broken and contrite spirit and heart waiting and willing to be revewed by YOU and YOUR word....deep breath and KNOW that it is and will be as YOU want IF I slow down and just wait and follow.....when what I want to do is RUN SCREAMING FROM ALL OF IT:
*Small Group Crap
needy people and not wanting to pour any more of myself into them..
*Christianity Explored NEW ministry
Hospitality Team
Prayer and Encouragement Team
*Estro Fest
would rather go to the surprise party...
*Company coming for a funeral
*A house 1/2 done
*2 kids coming home to live
*the holidays
See not one of them life threatening or AWFUL...just me not dealing well w/life?? Just me being so easily overwhelmed???....
So YES I am overwhelmed....yes it happens easily but my not looking a the why's of it isn't helping....Do I take all of it apart and figure anything out???...do I blindly just trust that what happens is supposed to happen???..what IS my responsibility?? what do I DO??? Can you just tell me it's ok to RUN??.....lol I know I know NOT AN OPTION.....
The whole of JOB thinking himself 'righteous' and then the youngest of the friends..... Job 32:1 So these three men stopped answering Job, because he was righteous in his own eyes. 2 But Elihu son of Barakel the Buzite, of the family of Ram, became very angry with Job for justifying himself rather than God. 3 He was also angry with the three friends, because they had found no way to refute Job, and yet had condemned him. 4 Now Elihu had waited before speaking to Job because they were older than he. 5 But when he saw that the three men had nothing more to say, his anger was aroused.
v ..... 1 So these three men stopped answering Job, because he was righteous in his own eyes.
Righteous in his own eyes...noone answers or challenges you/me because I am so righteous in my own eyes? It doesn't ever feel that way but that's what I've done, created this illusion around myself?? I don't know and I am scared that it is true...but I think I am angrier that noone challenges it?? The whole of being sad and lonely and impatient?? Maybe it's true but it won't always be....YOU are softening me.....
v . 3 He was also angry with the three friends, because they had found no way to refute Job, and yet had condemned him.
That's what I am ......feeling condemned but not refuted...like it would be too much BOTHER to refute me so just let me go and .....why am I so lonely Father?? Is it really that I have done it to myself?? Or what about the part where being a follower of Christ is lonely ....is there a line, have I blurred the line...is this Satan right now making me think........and then Galatians.....
5: 1 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.....is it the old story of the elephant where the smallest piece of string can keep him bound because of his/her own mindset, feeling/having grown up thinking I was ....feeling BOUND? When what I am is free.....that when I get this way it is ME putting myself there? Christ died to make me, make all men FREE......the slavery is the sin of trying to please people?? Not serve them THAT is my job...but in trying to ....PLEASE them.....
6 For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.
Keep running...ERM message of FINISHING the race and my realizing I NEVER finish anything......what's going on inside me right now?? Just tired and a wanting to quit....wanting to quit the race as per usual and I hear PRESS ON....I AM running a good race and only if I quit can it be lost because YOU won it for me....so fear or patterns of behaviour or fatigue I will press on.....'faith expressing itself through LOVE' ....THIS is not natural it IS SUPERNATURAL!!! Galatians 5: 13You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. 14 The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself." 15 If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.....and the 'tired' part...
PRESS ON....Galatians 6: 9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers....WEARY Yes but don't stop...PRESS ON.....JJ is right PRESS ON!! And what would I do or be were it not for this....Your Word Father.....encouraging me right where and when I need encouragement......Thank YOU Father...THANK YOU...
No comments:
Post a Comment