Friday, December 09, 2005

1 Timothy 5-6; Titus 1-3

I have committed to going quiet on my blog and yet there is so much going on in and through me...so You and me huh (and yet I post it).....the room....the doors bulging....but You just outside calling me to just rest.....trying to understand GRACE what a wonder it is.....Doreen a new email / blogging friend really gave me some things to chew on....the whole of 'it's my love for YOU that is challenging me to obedience'......that just sounds so true...because IF I DIDN'T love YOU I wouldn't even be able to go any further and yet do I even understand YOUR love but but but......just so much and I want to rest in that for awhile unless it is so far wrong theologically that YOU take me out of it....I do love You....Your Son......and Thank You for Your spirit helping me in all of this.......but my mind races in thinking 'I LOVE God'...... and it's not just words???...... I am crying in this moment of realizing that I do......love You....just hope that THAT is Ok....??? And like Paul says ...if I can be loved and fall in love with YOU then really!!!.......well it's just flippin amazing!!
1 Timothy 6: 6But godliness with contentment is great gain. 7For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. 8But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. 9People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. 10For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs....ok so....just the other day saying why don't I just start praying for $$ and all that goes along with it....it's where I go when I'm angry and ME CENTERED...oooh we don't have enough....wooooo I want this or that......but in focusing on You this morning....feeling LOVE for You I feel such contentment, but the problem is I don't live in that moment...I can't .....I work and have to be around people and yet yesterday Tozer said.... As long as you set yourself up as a little god to which you must be loyal there will be those who will delight to offer affront to your idol.......and there it is me making myself a God beyond even the omni....I have made myself an IDOL???......and realizing yesterday until I am in Heaven I won't be about YOU ?? But that doesn't make any sense there is no hope then and my love for you is SELF serving as well.....I don't understand????

6But godliness with contentment is great gain....What is godliness??? I am scared that I am fooling myself......scared that I am fooling YOU??? Malachi 3:6 For I, the Lord do not change. .....You are behind me and in front of me and beside me....if I'm not afraid to look YOU will show me....but I AM AFRAID!!

Titus 3: 1Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, 2to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men. 3At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. 4But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, 5he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, 6whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, 7so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. 8This is a trustworthy saying. And I want you to stress these things, so that those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing what is good. These things are excellent and profitable for everyone....This sounds like the answer I am looking for.......
So I am going to stay or try to stay focused on YOU on being loved by and loving You and in that Love You will do what You will do...please I hope this is OK...I hope this is right.......I love You Father...

3 comments:

lex said...

just finished a book called the preist by francine rivers. it's insight into aarron, moses' brother's life and it has left me reeling. i wanted to share it with you because the struggles presented hit so close to home for me and helped me rest, if but for a moment, in the fact that He is God and i am not...something i know you also wrestle with.
something about learning more about the old testament God reminds me that, "He is not safe--but He is good." somehow that helped me struggle less and trust more. don't know if that's where you are at right now or not but it was a good read and a convicting story.

Crissi said...

It is in our struggles and our questions and our uncertainty when we unexpectedly find our answers. I saw a lot of my own confusion in yours. You're not alone.

Melissa said...

Once again I'm humbled at the journey we are on and how God allows you to speak directly to my heart!