Thursday, December 01, 2005

Romans 5-8

So much in my head and heart this morning.....and if I don't pull out and see it all for what it is I will begin another fit......This morning our Small Group leader women talking about Soul Care, talking about our lives and what is going on in them......Then I begin to battle with PRIDE of how well our church does in teaching us to BE authentic......it's a really vicious cycle and one where I usually end up thinking hmmmm....well then I must be doing pretty well too.....and then that takes me to the FALL of seeing the PRIDE for what it is which makes me prideful that I saw it and it just doesn't end...which is because all of it takes me away from You......my 'car's'...my engine sputtering off in the wrong direction.....

OHHHH boy I just sent one of my church's invites to my group of girlfriends and now I am all jittery and nervous and .....EXCITED...I don't know why I do this....OK STOP...what is going on inside me???...... I want my friends to KNOW JESUS....so freaking bad ...I know I know who's to say they don't but ...and there it is, the block to my accepting my struggle w/omnipotence and omniscience....BUT......
BUT if they did I would know......what a crock huh.....
I am so scared Father that maybe this will always be my struggle and how many people will I push away before YOU break it in me.......when can I live knowing how LITTLE I KNOW????

Romans 7: 4 So, my brothers, you also died to the law through the body of Christ, that you might belong to another, to him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit to God. 5 For when we were controlled by the sinful nature, the sinful passions aroused by the law were at work in our bodies, so that we bore fruit for death. 6 But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code.

Serve in the new way of the Spirit......I hope so Father....I HOPE SO......7: 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do..... 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25 Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

Romans 8: 15 For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." 16 The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. 17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
So much I understand...I think...and so much I want to understand....I am NOT to be driven by fear....not a slave to fear......but I am always flippin scared...which I guess IS different in that before I didn't KNOW how scared I was.....I just operated on what satisfied me and if I was scared or not being satisfied I RAN........now I'm just scared....baby steps I guess....just baby steps.....from childish fits on the floor to baby steps into .......into a NEW WAY to live......????

2 comments:

Melissa said...

Baby Steps Indeed...Fear can be a catalyst or a stumbling block...I'm praying and know that it will be your catalyst...it is the same way with me and Peace...people say you should have a peaceful faith, but that never happened with me...I still don't have it, guess I never will...I don't get all calm in knowing that God answered a prayer and will take care of me through a situation...I just have to push through the fear in my soul to find the kernel that is Him...and through the crashing waves I see the lighthouse...if that makes any sense at all!

Miss-buggy said...

so many of us need to take those baby steps. It is a learning process we all do together in one way or another.