This quote will not leave me alone...from uprising I can think of no better setting for a sighting of You than a full surrender of me....Guide me to that full surrender, knowing full well my resistance to it and yet my desire for it......You know what ?....and of course YOU do there is NOT MUCH comfort in praying this today....not much assurance that I am not going to be tired, or lonely or and no assurance I will be appreciated....and yet full assurance of feeling closer to YOU...... so scared to pray it and yet more scared not to......head down, eyes up.....heart open.......ready to hear You whatever You say.....??? There is no better setting for a sighting of You than a full surrender of me.....What does a full surrender look like?? Am I even capable?? Do I want to be??
Ex. 35:21 and everyone who was willing and whose heart moved him came and brought an offering to the LORD for the work on the Tent of Meeting, for all its service, and for the sacred garments.
Ex. 36:2 Then Moses summoned Bezalel and Oholiab and every skilled person to whom the LORD had given ability and who was willing to come and do the work.
Ex. 36:6 Then Moses gave an order and they sent this word throughout the camp: "No man or woman is to make anything else as an offering for the sanctuary." And so the people were restrained from bringing more 7 because what they already had was more than enough to do all the work the LORD commanded to be done."
Can't help but read that and wonder...what if we are THERE now...with the MORE THAN ENOUGH to do what YOU command....what if I am withholding mine?? My heart is moved and I 'think' I am willing....but am I fooling myself and the full surrender is what YOU want / need for ....for....anything...everything.....I am scared Father but what if....like with Emma it's MORE " I DON'T WANT TO DO IT" than being scared????? Let me see if I can explain.....
Yesterday or I don't know what day...a day like yesterday I was given the gift of hanging out with Lynz and the kids. It's not often enough to suit me and I know I don't use the ones I get wisely but this day we were just hanging out. Emma my brilliant, beautiful, precious Granddaughter was told to.......well this time it was move to the seat with her booster seat it could of been anything...but this day it was to move into the seat in front of where she wanted to sit in the car. As Lynz insisted on her moving to the safer seat...Emma became tearful and said..."I'm scared."
Well we began probing her fear and she admitted she wasn't scared it was that she 'didn't want to move'.......What if I am using 'I'm scared' just like she did and it is just me NOT WANTING TO? ......
Acts 10: 1 At Caesarea there was a man named Cornelius, a centurion in what was known as the Italian Regiment. 2 He and all his family were devout and God-fearing; he gave generously to those in need and prayed to God regularly. 3 One day at about three in the afternoon he had a vision. He distinctly saw an angel of God, who came to him and said, "Cornelius!"
4 Cornelius stared at him in fear. "What is it, Lord?" he asked.
And then again maybe it is a healthy dose of fear as well. ...You don't generally ask us to DO the easy stuff do you....and yet what you ask us to do is about YOUR GLORY....and when we are about YOUR GLORY it's all good ..........I don't know probably making too much of this, wanting it to BE something and all it is ...is YOU saying surrender.....surrender ALL.......not for my life to be easier, not for me to be affirmed...but because YOU SAY SO......And truth is I'm NOT really that scared....I just don't want to do it.