Tuesday, March 28, 2006


So to 'do it' I would have to know how....I 'think' I 'did it' in NOLA.....first time in....what age are you when you become so self absorbed???.....so let's say 48 years.....the first time in 48 year that I have been other focused....been God focused....following......at least that's what it 'felt' like.

It felt like being where you are supposed to be ...when you are supposed to be there.... doing what you are supposed to be doing.... It felt like I 'heard' Him say just love them, the people that came through the tent . And loving them didn't mean 'doing' something for them or even trying to get them to tell me their story....I just loved them........weird and yet at this moment that's all I can do to describe it.... I want to go back and see if I can analyze the moment.....what was I thinking.....??

The thing is I don't think I was, thinking that is....I just was where I was supposed to be.

Why don't I get that here??

Because here is familiar, things that happen have happened and I can gauge how to get the best result...I can manipulate and control to get what I want.... There I was not, I couldn't and the weird thing is I didn't even want to.......so why can't I do that here...why can't I forget about myself long enough to 'hear You' or maybe it's just again..... DO IT...........

I am reading Chasing Daylight by ER McManus and it's good to be reading it now. The realization of 48 years spent thinking about me can take you down a really nasty path....one of hopelessness. This book says we LEARN from our past and we make choices based on what we have learned....That's pretty hopeful even at 50!

"The most spiritual activity you will engage in today is making choices. All the other activities that we describe as spiritual- worship, prayer, meditation- are there to connect us to God and prepare us to live. While moments are the context within which we live, choices chart the course and determine the destination...."

So there are choices to be made today, directions to go, people that need .......love......and I pray to listen and follow and choose....

4 comments:

jel said...

thank you

(((())))s

have a great day!

lex said...

"why don't i get that here?"

i think "that" is something that is only got in total God dependence. NO forced us into it. we were staying in a warehouse, we were doing things way out of our comfort zone. therefore we couldn't be independent from Him there. now if we can only figure out how to consciously choose God dependence every day...

loved this post...loved that you put words on that feeling of being where you know you are supposed to be...

Bar Bar A said...

Wow, B, that is a great quote about our choices being spiritual activity!

I see you as a very "other centered" person. When you were in NOLA it was an out of the normal experience, but I see you giving to others all the time through your blog and comments.

Someday we will all "get it" when we finally get home for good :)

Jada's Gigi said...

Wow, to step outside ourselves...in to His realm...where everything is "about Him and is Him" that's actually where I'd like to live.
So glad you went and got to experience that. Salty isn't it?:)