Friday, September 22, 2006

So much I am learning about myself and while usually I would want to run screaming from the clear picture…..it seems as though that hasn’t worked for 40 some years so why not …..I don’t know LOOKATIT maybe……

Several years ago on our first major trip on a bike I came to realizations about myself that haven’t quite left yet…..so more to learn I guess.

We were riding on a much smaller bike so while I enjoyed it there were things about it that caused….discomfort……After (to my mind and butt) a particularly long day of riding we came to a town at the base of a mountain and all I wanted was a Subway sandwich and a dinky motel room in this dusty little town, the name of which I cannot even recall. My husband on the other hand the driver and controller of this trip saw a sign saying Mt. Wilhelmina Lodge and wanted to summit this particular trip or leg of the trip with this 20 some mile road up the Mountain.

I being stubborn and less than agreeable began to pout……not one to rant and rave and make my wishes known (shouldn’t he sense my discomfort?) so I sat back and pouted. I am not proud of this…..not proud of THIS being how I always act in the face of not getting what I want…..So we began the summit, my husband excited and desiring to share this ride with me and me in my head and heart HARD and pouting….we passed pull off after pull off where my husband wanted me to see where we’d been…to see the scenery……the incredible vistas of mountains and trees and sky and sunset…….it wasn’t until we hit one particular vista….Blue Vista that I even glanced at what he was encouraging me to enjoy with him……I barely looked but what I saw was pretty incredible…..mist and clouds all an incredible shade or shades of BLUE….I wouldn’t let him know I thought it was beautiful and still he took me higher….in reflecting back on this with Dan, it was hard for him…he not only wanted to summit he wanted me to appreciate and enjoy the gift he felt he was giving me……but no….I was still pouting….

At the top…the LODGE was incredible and affordable….I can’t give words to the experience of getting up the next morning and walking with my husband, who forgave my pouting…..through heights and sights and incredible views.

In looking back I see how often I do this to God…never willingly going where He desires to take me……never obedient to what He wants…...Thank God He forgives me as well and perhaps I am learning to push through the tough stuff….learning that what is hard is worth going through to get to where He wants me to go….learning that what I want is so much less than the NEEDS He provides…….

So wants versus needs….I got a lot more to learn….alot more to wrestle with.....

2 comments:

Bar Bar A said...

This was perfect for me to read before I go up to my mountain retreat tomorrow!...because this is one of the things I am wrestling with. My wants vs. the things I Need that He provides so generously and lovingly.

Jada's Gigi said...

Love this post! Great analogy! I am definitley one who goes kicking and screaming...no pouting here, I make my wishes known loudly! well usually...LOL I'm a brat, what can I say... My hubby doens't drag me but God surely does...He continually graciously encourages me (sometimes with extreme predgidous) to see things His way. for which I am eternally grateful!!