The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results…..
Seeing something this morning…..wanting to NOT look at and yet feeling very compelled to LOOK AT IT…..hearing BE PASSIONATELY PATIENT…..wanting answers NOW…..wanting to know what to DO NOW….wanting and what I need??????
Ezra 3: 3-5 Even though they were afraid of what their non-Israelite neighbors might do, they went ahead anyway and set up the Altar on its foundations and offered Whole-Burnt-Offerings on it morning and evening. They also celebrated the Festival of Booths as prescribed and the daily Whole-Burnt-Offerings set for each day. And they presented the regular Whole-Burnt-Offerings for Sabbaths, New Moons, and God's Holy Festivals, as well as Freewill-Offerings for God.
Luke 8: 10He said, "You've been given insight into God's kingdom—you know how it works. There are others who need stories. But even with stories some of them aren't going to get it:
Their eyes are open but don't see a thing,
Their ears are open but don't hear a thing.
Luke 8: 16-18 "No one lights a lamp and then covers it with a washtub or shoves it under the bed. No, you set it up on a lamp stand so those who enter the room can see their way. We're not keeping secrets; we're telling them. We're not hiding things; we're bringing everything out into the open. So be careful that you don't become misers of what you hear. Generosity begets generosity. Stinginess impoverishes."
Luke 8: 25 Then he said to his disciples, "Why can't you trust me?"
Luke 8: 34-36 Those tending the pigs, scared to death, bolted and told their story in town and country. People went out to see what had happened. They came to Jesus and found the man from whom the demons had been sent, sitting there at Jesus' feet, wearing decent clothes and making sense. It was a holy moment, and for a short time they were more reverent than curious. Then those who had seen it happen told how the demoniac had been saved.
37-39 Later, a great many people from the Gerasene countryside got together and asked Jesus to leave—too much change, too fast, and they were scared. So Jesus got back in the boat and set off. The man whom he had delivered from the demons asked to go with him, but he sent him back, saying, "Go home and tell everything God did in you." So he went back and preached all over town everything Jesus had done in him.
Luke 8: 48 Jesus said, "Daughter, you took a risk trusting me, and now you're healed and whole. Live well, live blessed!"
So to recap….
Fear keeps me, fear of what people will ‘think’ keeps me from simply and completely living in You…???
I may know YOU and in living for and in You ‘feel’ like I am doing right but it is going to be up to You re: everyone else….the people…the people and what they may think of me….(as I was writing that I flashed to the movie Sybil......her fearfully chanting ‘the people, the people'…)
Why don’t I trust You….oh I say I do….I want to….but why….won’t I…don’t I….can’t I????
Why aren’t I more reverent than curious……more obedient than stubborn….more patient than stubborn and impatient…..
Why am I afraid to tell my story….do I BELIEVE I have a story….
I am healed and becoming whole…..why don’t I patiently live like that, without worrying about what people THINK…..
It’s a big fat circle isn’t it, a spiral without end…….I WANT and You are providing me with all that I NEED and what I NEED right now is to live, practice what I preach……
Hey this is my dumping ground….my place to process outloud….to not burden others with the crap that goes on in my head….my heart…..if I didn’t allow myself to be crazy here……the people…the people would really be freaked out…… as it is......noone comments here anymore....not that I NEED approval or affirmation.......but truth is I think I do.......