Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Leviticus 18 & 19; Psalm 13; Acts 19

Acts 19: 32 The assembly was in confusion: Some were shouting one thing, some another. Most of the people did not even know why they were there.

That sentence means so much to me today, this morning. Living a life about me, hollering always hollering what I thought, wanting someone to listen to me, ALWAYS wanting someone to listen to me....contributing to the cacophony of noise, trying to obliterate the confusion in my brain....thinking I knew so much and yet living in this constant fear that it wasn’t enough.
Not even knowing…..not even knowing…..
see words are so inadequate, heck there aren’t any (but I always try) and besides I am supposed to live it…live following and the thing is the more I do …the more I remember to follow… the more the blessings overwhelm me.

We just returned from Los Angeles, a visit with our daughter there. Did so much and had such a good time. But the best, the absolute HIGH POINT of the visit for Dand and I was to have a conversation with her and her boyfriend…wouldn’t have, couldn’t have happened before You guiding me/us. It maybe could have but I /we wouldn’t have trusted anything and I /we would have preached, cajoled and manipulated.... and been so afraid and in our fear would have driven her away.... and now it’s just opening my heart, giving my heart, our hearts to You and following.

In the following You lead to 'being vulnerable' ....You lead to loving more and different ‘others’ than I would have ever ‘chosen’…..following is hard….

1 comment:

Holy Chaos said...

following is hard...

shutting my mouth is hard...

sometimes life is just plain hard