Tuesday, August 09, 2005

I blog because I have so much crap and stuff and ...... in my head and I really don't ...you either read it or no.....and for the first time in my life....I don't care.....I love Christ with my whole heart and soul....I want to do things for Him but don't or at least to me it seems as though I don't DO enough or what I'm supposed to or.....so I blog.....I journal every bit as much if not more than I blog but I pray and hope that at least I don't talk as much as I did......I guess you would have to ask those around me if this is true.......You know what as I reread this I think I do...talk as much but maybe I am beginning to LISTEN more....??
I am a person who cannot tell a story, cannot take you from A - L without jumping ahead to Z and hitting on Q and R (and maybe even more) before I ever make it back to L......I can't talk about any one subject because to me all subjects come back to God, to Christ and what He can do (or worse yet making it about me HAS DONE in my life)......so I blog....and journal....and in my head....oooooh boy, it's a party.....but it's not bad.....is it?? Am I being prideful and stubborn or am I being God lead in this endeavor?? This call to quiet......to stop pursuing approval and affirmation.....

You see the thing is tho...IF I'm not going for those (a/a) who am I working/doing it for? I feel as though I am working in and for Christ it's just hard when there are NO....other signs....so am I doing the right thing??

Please Father God.....all this stuff in my head and heart that I won't or can't share with others....I give it to YOU and beg YOU to sort it out and guide me deeper and deeper into a commitment to YOU and following where YOU lead.......

So what am I learning from all this blogging and journaling??

There are alot of people out there who think like I do...they write better but when I read their thoughts I am comforted that there are alot of people out there who love Christ more than anything......we fail and flounder and fall but we do love Christ!!

God is AMAZING and LOVE and POWER and FORGIVENESS and when we remember THAT.....HE does amazing things through us. We don't do anything HE does it through us or around us , when we are focused on and following Him.

It's easier to talk about Jesus than to live like Him.....but the more we focus on Him, we begin to live FOR Him and maybe then He will guide us to living LIKE Him....???

We ain't never going to 'get it' and be able to 'keep it'...Oh we are blessed with moments of incredible awareness and vision and LOVE .....but we're all fallen and way too selfish to do that, to stay , to keep 'it'.....BUT when we are focused on how much we are loved and forgiven we do begin to love and forgive and maybe someday we'll stay there... but then again I don't think so....way too self involved to allow God, to allow Christ to reign in us every moment of every day...and yet the forgiveness when we come back, truly come back heartbroken and repentant.....YOU ARE AMAZING GOD...

Heartbroken and repentant are very important and not something we can manufacture. A seeking heart He never denies and a seeking heart is very prone to become broken and broken though painful is fixable....I think I am discovering that broken is much much better than...protected and hard and plastic ....like a big old sofa with the hard plastic covering on it...it's a sofa alright but it's never been lived in or on and until it's broken in.....it's just a piece of furniture and without the plastic it is a piece of the home......

So that's what's floating around in there today...

3 comments:

Paula said...

Wanted to drop by and thank you for your kind words today at my site. I totally agree with your post. Until you're broken, I don't think you can really appreciate the gift of Christ. We're just here to learn to love Him and we'll be home in just a little while! Thanks for sharing your heart.

Barbara said...

"God is AMAZING and LOVE and POWER and FORGIVENESS and when we remember THAT.....HE does amazing things through us. We don't do anything HE does it through us or around us , when we are focused on and following Him."

This really spoke CLEARLY to me Becky!

www.beingbarbara.com

Melissa said...

Amazing! I'm Breathless! Oh how weak I am, but thank God He is strong...let me not be ashamed, may He consume me indeed! Your reflection causes me to reflect deeply!