I have a group of women friends, once or twice a month we get together and laugh and vent. My heart for them is huge and yet I withhold ME from them.
Is that true?
Yes....no.....
I withhold from them the part of me that desires God for them. Now is that withholding or obedience or patience or wisdom or faith or.......
I don't know? I know I love God....I love Jesus more than anything. I know I don' t talk about You with them. I did and almost drove them away. In that bloom of being in LOVE with You.......
No that's not true.....In the first throes of being in LOVE with the possibility of YOU I talked too much...I preached at them......I tried to convince them and anyone else who would listen that what I was thinking was right, what I was wanting to believe I needed them to believe with me......and now that I am IN LOVE WITH YOU.....I can't talk about it because of past mistakes?? Or because they need to see my love for YOU by seeing how I love them.....??
I need help sorting all this out you know....I need help with the clutter that is my brain and worse yet my heart .....and yet I will let noone help me.......
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1 comment:
Oh Becky, how good it is to be back in your house so to speak, I have just spent the last 30 minutes catching up on your post, and you got my blood moving...your truthful words concerning your journey, what you are working through, are like cool rain on my soul, a salve that not only quinches the pain, but ignites a willingness to push past it...you are a blessing beyond words and truly one of the most amazing people I know...I find a human humble quality in the way you passionatly love the Lord, thank for allowing me only a brief glimpse into that...thank you Lord for my dear sister Becky! Thank you! thank you!
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