Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Yesterday I wrote I don't know anyfreakinthing......and yet today I know I'm stuck again.....or maybe I never get unstuck? 'What if' I ask myself, I never get unstuck......what if my pride is too deep, my stiff necked pride is too deep.....

But that's a lie......I am not the same, I am not what You intend yet, but I am not the same....am I?

I get caught between what I think and what I think I know.......what about what I do know?

I know that Christ died for me, for all of us and THAT makes all the difference so I am NOT the same...
I know that my focus on You ...YOU do amazing things. I have experienced it so I KNOW it......and even if I hadn't/didn't have the experience, I have YOUR word and I read it and see it....You do what YOU do in spite of us.....
I know this is all the same old crap....it never changes......YOU see inside me and just want me to see it.........but what happens when I do?? AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN??.......
I know each time I have to choose to believe, to remember that I am forgiven.....
I know I am forgiven.
I know this life is not about me no matter how much I want it to be in these stuck moments....
I know that I want to live a life rich and full with You at the center, no matter how many times I get stuck.
I know that you placed that desire in me and if I don't run away YOU will do what YOU will do....
I know that I break Your heart, repeatedly....
I know that because of Christ You forgive me.
I know I will never understand such forgiveness but finally I DO KNOW it's without limit, because of Christ......and nothing else...because You are a God of LOVE.....
I know Christ ....that Christ died for me, for all of us.
maybe someday I will KNOW this and REST in it........

To claim the truth of ourselves we have to cling to our God in solitude as to the One who makes us who we are....Henri Nouwen

2 comments:

So I Go said...

"I know that I break Your heart, repeatedly"

wow.. powerful post, through and through.

Paula said...

Awesome post! Can't wait to get that Nouwen book from the library. If you get a chance today, could you stop by my hubby's band's site and leave a comment www.thehalftimeband.com
I want to hit the band's site with many comments as an "I love you" to Hubby Bill.

Thanks,