Monday, May 15, 2006

Loneliness is creeping back in and I can see that it is only because of my unmet expectations.....and I can see this but I truly don't know how to live without them, expectations that is. Oh I think I can see how but I don't see how I will be able to do it and that I want to is PRIDE or that I can see how I can't humility??

So I read blogs and think that we are friends.....and to not have expectations on those friendships is easy because perhaps we're not even really friends?? Perhaps we are just narcissistic people loving to talk about ourselves and blogging let's us believe that people really care about us? No I don't believe that because there are bloggers that I pray for ALOT....and that I hope keep me in their prayers.....

The day is bright and sunny
My heart is filled with joy
My mind is never sure of anything anymore.....

My hearts desire is obedience
My mind wants to FEEL accepted and loved??? my mind????

The day is bright and sunny
My heart is filled with joy
My mind is full of darkness and desire.....

My hearts desire is obedience, to KNOW and follow Your will
My mind wants what it wants and gets lost in the difference of the two...??

The day is bright and sunny My heart is filled with joy
My mind is wanting what it wants and stubbornly fighting to get it...

Which do we follow, our minds or our hearts??
Which do we trust? Neither ? How do we choose to believe in something we can't see or comprehend with our minds and yet how do we continue to live without our hearts engaged....

You DO NOT have to disengage your mind to believe.
You do not have to suffer the tyranny of logic.
You do not have to be a slave to your own desires.

YOU will have to think deeply.
You will have to release your heart from wherever it has been bound to or whatever has held it captive.
You will have to live a life of doubt and faith together . You will be able to in that balancing act find Peace, a peace that will continue to elude you until you see YOURSELF for who and what you really are and in that sighting, that realization.........reach out and receive what is always and has always been offered......

9 comments:

Praying for your Prodigal said...

Peace to you my blogging friend!

Diane

MaryAnn M said...

hey there...

Sarah said...

Like the new look....Praying for you. May the Lord grant you peace and give you inspiration as you always inspire us. Thank you

Judas Hate said...

Thank you!

I like this post, but feel sad that you are experienceing loneliness.

I truly hope an abundance of warmth, friendship and love will soon surround you with a great big hug:-)

J.

jel said...

I think we are on the same wave link today!


take car

Bar Bar A said...

This was heavy, B. I wish I could not relate, but I can. I pray for you and care about you and hope that this dark cloud passes over quickly.

Larry said...

It could be we've been sold a load of shoddy goods in the loneliness department. A zillion movies and even more books describe instant, heart-to-heart communication, and then a ride over the hill into happily ever after. When we don't get that, something must be wrong.

How about a different model? It could be that no human being can satisfy our need for companionship. It could be that only God can assuage that deep inner loneliness, and perhaps after we've gained some confidence in that there would be less suction on human relationships. Less neediness, which might lead to a flowering of shared interests.

The above is theory. I'm in the process of testing it because the only person who has ever convinced me of love is God, and I don't have any idea how it works with other people.

bjk said...

Larry believe it or not I think you are a lucky one......

Christopher said...

"YOU will have to think deeply.
You will have to release your heart from wherever it has been bound to or whatever has held it captive.
You will have to live a life of doubt and faith together ."

well said, that strike a close chord.