Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Isaiah 65- 66; Psalm 62; John 3


The wedding was stunning and gorgeous and touching and real and emotionally stimulating and draining…..we were served by our church family in ways we can never repay and that is uncomfortable and probably exactly where He wants me…humbled and awed……empty……standing at the foot of the cross with NOTHING….....NOTHING......

That’s what it has felt like the last couple of days and while it is extremely uncomfortable I am scared for the feeling to leave as well….to go back to self protecting and mask wearing and capable…able…hands carrying what they always carry and unable to receive any of what HE desires to give me……His Grace...His Amazing Grace...

And then John 3 and being born again…..trusting what we can’t SEE…coming empty handed…..….. verse 15…..and everyone who looks up to him, trusting and expectant, will gain a real life, eternal life….

So simple to read and so hard to do..PRIDE insists that I BRING something…anything and YOUR desire is for me to empty handed receive this NEW LIFE in Christ….living vulnerable and trusting, without self protecting or wearing the mask of ‘confidence’ .....of ability….……..living naked and free……..simple to say and very HARD to do……
Again Larry Crabbs words come to mind….’the point of the journey is to want what God wants MORE than anything’ and this life is about more and more repenting of what I want…….
Dan Allender says….”Repentance is a process that is never accomplished once and for all. It is a cyclical, deepening movement that , like a snowball, picks up weight and speed as it rolls. Repentance opens the heart to the bitter taste of sin and the sweet joy of restoration. It clears the senses in a way that exposes depravity and affirms dignity. It awakens our hunger for our Father’s embrace and deepens our awareness of His kind involvement. And when we are deeply, truly touched by HIS LOVE, we will move boldly into the bittersweet privilege of loving others. “

So it’s kind of messy this morning…so much JOY in the sadness, the emptiness….an empty......... repentance perhaps...??...…and the JOY....the JOY is Him…..so probably tomorrow will try to write more of the JOY of the wedding…and it was an evening of such JOY.

6 comments:

Becky said...

So simple to read and so hard to do..PRIDE insists that I BRING something…anything and YOUR desire is for me to empty handed receive this NEW LIFE in Christ….living vulnerable and trusting, without self protecting or wearing the mask of ‘confidence’ .....of ability….……..living naked and free……..simple to say and very HARD to do……


So true. So true.

becky

Bar Bar A said...

Good stuff, B.

I'm reading a Larry Crabb book right now - that quote may even be from it.

Joy in the sadness - I cant' relate to that. I can't even relate to joy in happiness sometimes.

Jada's Gigi said...

What does God want more than anything?? :)
His Son perhaps....
I can't wait to hear all about the wedding. They are so wonderufl and give us opportunity to be so vulnerable....
Living free is not as hard as we make it I'm thinking...we just have to get used to it and we don't allow it long enough to get used to it...
I think I need to practice being free a lot more! Being vulnerable, a lot more! Gaining His purpose, His Son, a LOT more!
Welcome back...I know you don't want to come but it happens ot us all...:)

jel said...

hi, Thanks for stopping over,
come back anytime.

take care!

lex said...

"when we are touched deeply, truly touched by His Love, we will move boldly into the bittersweet priviledge of loving others."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wow! what hope this gives me in the seemingly hopeless pursuit of longing to learn the ability to love others and falling short. it is supposed to be Him and not me that gets me closer to this divine calling.

it was awesome to be a part of the wedding sat.! it was beautiful! so very beautiful...

bjk said...

Ain't THAT the truth!!! The hopeless pursuit is
perhaps not so hopeless just OUT of our control!