I go to ‘minister’ to my daughter and she ends up ‘ministering’ to me…..is that about me or is that what He intends?? I don’t know, I know that time with her is a blessing, a HUGE blessing in my life. Finding out, discovering that ‘to be understood’ is such a deep longing in me….do I take advantage of those who already LOVE me, have to love me as in my family?
I love that my husband admits that he doesn’t understand me but that he wants to, tries to and seeks to understand just blows me away......do I do that for others, or am I so in the mode of getting them to understand me that I miss those opportunities?
What would it look like to truly seek more to understand than to be understood ?
The vulnerability piece, where does that fit in this journey? Can we just lean into the one who does understand and truly trust others?
If I don’t trust can I really ever hope to be someone who others trust? Why is that important to me?
These are the questions …always the questions floating around in here…can anyone FIX me? And boy if anyone tries what would I do? What the hell do I want……to want what HE wants more than anything….I really do…please God help me with my distrust and inability to be truly vulnerable and …..nope that’s it for this AM……
Hebrews 10: 15 The Holy Spirit also testifies to us about this.
First he says:
16 "This is the covenant I will make with them
after that time, says the Lord.
I will put my laws in their hearts,
and I will write them on their minds."
So to want what He wants IS in there……and ….and nothing…..it’s just that.what I want ALWAYS gets in the way…..but it’s in there and in the seeking, the wrestling more and more I want it and less and less I run away from it…..but I still run…I still like the Israelites in the desert with the cloud and the fire guiding them …miss moments
and then there’s GRACE…….in truly looking at it....and seeing it for what it is I am never banished I am always just called closer and closer…..what an amazing God….because when you think about it, really think about it…it’s pretty ridiculous…..Grace that is, beyond what we can imagine…..
22 let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. 23Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. 24And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. 25Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
35 So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. 36You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. 37For in just a very little while,
"He who is coming will come and will not delay.
38But my righteous one will live by faith.
And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him."
39 But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.
It’s a race and I’m a ‘runner’ but never been one who has run or even participated in TEAM sports, maybe I am just learning what it’s like to be a part of a team??? I remember playing basketball with my uber talented husband and children and telling them noone could play defense on me that all I wanted to do was shoot the ball…..
I told my husband yesterday this training for the mountain is hard and I’m not sure I like hard…..God help me , humble me to my place on ….me on a team??? ……too prideful to ever take my place ??? Too scared?? I hope it’s not too late……I’m scared of how very much I have to learn on this trip…..really scared….