Zechariah 4 - 6; Luke 12 (msg)

Arggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Do not want to hear what YOU are wanting to say to me this morning and yet to ignore You or.... it doesn’t seem HONEST this morning…..doesn’t seem….ah hell it doesn’t even seem possible to want anymore….the promise of YOUR GRACE IF I really listen….really hear…..responsively obey…….OK



Zechariah 6:15 "People will come from faraway places to pitch in and rebuild the Temple of God. This will confirm that God-of-the-Angel-Armies did, in fact, send me to you. All this follows as you put your minds to a life of responsive obedience to the voice of your God."

Your mind……I know this Crown thing is making me think things that I’ve never thought of before….making me look at the patterns of my life and while it deals with money that bleeds into everything…..lack of seeking counsel (wk 3) ….lack of honesty (wk 4). This morning my ability to, I don’t know... Dan and I being asked the questions WHY people lie or cheat or misrepresent and my response was to ‘ save face’ and to ‘get ahead’…Dans was simply PRIDE and GREED…..I didn’t see saving face as PRIDE until he pointed it out…Didn’t see a desire to get ahead as GREED….dumb huh??

So to put my mind to a life of responsive obedience…..I’ve been praying to become responsively obedient, praying to understand what it looked like and here it’s THINK about it……of course to think about it would be to not just be REACTIVE…..to be counterintuitive, hey if your intuitive response is to LIE wouldn’t counterintuitive be to be honest….I wish my nature was to BE HONEST but it’s not….I am more deceitful than I ever knew……..but in Christ I can become all these things…….I can???? Been praying to live life on the EDGE to live RISKY what would be more edgy and risky than to after a life of deceit to be honest??? But I thought it would be MORE GLAMOROUS…….hmmmmmmmmmmm

Luke 12: 1-3 By this time the crowd, unwieldy and stepping on each other's toes, numbered into the thousands. But Jesus' primary concern was his disciples. He said to them, "Watch yourselves carefully so you don't get contaminated with Pharisee yeast, Pharisee phoniness. You can't keep your true self hidden forever; before long you'll be exposed. You can't hide behind a religious mask forever; sooner or later the mask will slip and your true face will be known. You can't whisper one thing in private and preach the opposite in public; the day's coming when those whispers will be repeated all over town.

11-12 "When they drag you into their meeting places, or into police courts and before judges, don't worry about defending yourselves—what you'll say or how you'll say it. The right words will be there. The Holy Spirit will give you the right words when the time comes."

It just makes sense you know….ALL of it……

29-32 "What I'm trying to do here is get you to relax, not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep yourself in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Don't be afraid of missing out. You're my dearest friends! The Father wants to give you the very kingdom itself.
33-34 "Be generous. Give to the poor. Get yourselves a bank that can't go bankrupt, a bank in heaven far from bankrobbers, safe from embezzlers, a bank you can bank on. It's obvious, isn't it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being. 35-38"Keep your shirts on; keep the lights on! Be like house servants waiting for their master to come back from his honeymoon, awake and ready to open the door when he arrives and knocks. Lucky the servants whom the master finds on watch! He'll put on an apron, sit them at the table, and serve them a meal, sharing his wedding feast with them. It doesn't matter what time of the night he arrives; they're awake—and so blessed!
39-40 "You know that if the house owner had known what night the burglar was coming, he wouldn't have stayed out late and left the place unlocked. So don't you be slovenly and careless. Just when you don't expect him, the Son of Man will show up."
41Peter said, "Master, are you telling this story just for us? Or is it for everybody?"
42-46 The Master said, "Let me ask you: Who is the dependable manager, full of common sense, that the master puts in charge of his staff to feed them well and on time? He is a blessed man if when the master shows up he's doing his job. But if he says to himself, 'The master is certainly taking his time,' begins maltreating the servants and maids, throws parties for his friends, and gets drunk, the master will walk in when he least expects it, give him the thrashing of his life, and put him back in the kitchen peeling potatoes.
47-48 " The servant who knows what his master wants and ignores it, or insolently does whatever he pleases, will be thoroughly thrashed. But if he does a poor job through ignorance, he'll get off with a slap on the hand. Great gifts mean great responsibilities; greater gifts, greater responsibilities!
49-53 "I've come to start a fire on this earth—how I wish it were blazing right now! I've come to change everything, turn everything rightside up—how I long for it to be finished! Do you think I came to smooth things over and make everything nice? Not so. I've come to disrupt and confront!
From now on, when you find five in a house, it will be— Three against two, and two against three; Father against son, and son against father; Mother against daughter, and daughter against mother; Mother-in-law against bride, and bride against mother-in-law."
54-56 Then he turned to the crowd: "When you see clouds coming in from the west, you say, 'Storm's coming'—and you're right. And when the wind comes out of the south, you say, 'This'll be a hot one'—and you're right. Frauds! You know how to tell a change in the weather, so don't tell me you can't tell a change in the season, the God-season we're in right now.
57-59 "You don't have to be a genius to understand these things. Just use your common sense, the kind you'd use if, while being taken to court, you decided to settle up with your accuser on the way, knowing that if the case went to the judge you'd probably go to jail and pay every last penny of the fine. That's the kind of decision I'm asking you to make."

It's like I been saying THIS ISN'T ROCKET SCIENCE but it is HARD........Be careful what you pray for you know????

Zechariah 1- 3; Luke 11

Who was Zechariah:
a priest and a prophet
instrumental in inspiring his fellow Jews to rebuild the Temple
means "Yah has remembered”
11th book of the twelve minor began prophesying during the same year as the prophet Haggai prophecies came from visions that showed God's power, God's judgment of sin, the importance of spiritual strength, and the promise of things to come, including the promise of the Messiah
concerned about the religious purity of the people and the morale of Jerusalem's leaders. To that end he attempted to inspire them

So he was in tune with God and wanted to inspire others. I think that is secretly or not so secretly what I want to be..... an inspiration to guide, point, INSPIRE people to seek YOU for themselves.

The journey is so worth taking, the humility though momentarily painful and for me repetively so…. .....BUT in the humbling YOU hold me, anyone who truly seeks YOU for YOU, not for appreciation or success or ……..whatever (we can't hide it..... YOU know it’s in there)….the humbling takes you to places you could never go on your own.

The point of the journey is to want what God wants MORE THAN ANYTHING.

In admitting to You repeatedly my …........or is it YOU revealing to me my constant desires??? That’s probably closer to true……I didn’t know, couldn’t know how all about me I AM without Your Spirit revealing that to me…..and in the revelation where I expect condemnation is GRACE…over and over again overwhelming GRACE.

Zechariah 1: 1-4 In the eighth month of the second year in the reign of Darius, God's Message came to the prophet Zechariah son of Berechiah, son of Iddo: "God was very angry with your ancestors. So give to the people this Message from God-of-the-Angel-Armies: 'Come back to me and I'll come back to you. Don't be like your parents. The old-time prophets called out to them, "A Message from God-of-the-Angel-Armies: Leave your evil life. Quit your evil practices." But they ignored everything I said to them, stubbornly refused to listen.'
5-6"And where are your ancestors now? Dead and buried. And the prophets who preached to them? Also dead and buried. But the Message that my servants the prophets spoke, that isn't dead and buried. That Message did its work on your ancestors, did it not? It woke them up and they came back, saying, 'He did what he said he would do, sure enough. We didn't get by with a thing.'"

Luke 11: 27 While he was saying these things, some woman lifted her voice above the murmur of the crowd: "Blessed the womb that carried you, and the breasts at which you nursed!"
28 Jesus commented, "Even more blessed are those who hear God's Word and guard it with their lives!"

Even more………simply in the guarding of the Word……..it’s that important?? In order to guard it I have to be seeking it and in the seeking of it in my life I become blessed……WOW…….for a God who owes me nothing that sure sounds like a lot!!!

And then this so simple and believable and real…tears come to my eyes and my heart just swells with believing it….Luke 11: 33-36 "No one lights a lamp, then hides it in a drawer. It's put on a lamp stand so those entering the room have light to see where they're going. Your eye is a lamp, lighting up your whole body. If you live wide-eyed in wonder and belief, your body fills up with light. If you live squinty-eyed in greed and distrust, your body is a dank cellar. Keep your eyes open, your lamp burning, so you don't get musty and murky. Keep your life as well-lighted as your best-lighted room."

The only way to keep my wide eyed wonder is to keep Your Word in my heart….to trust and believe that through IT you are speaking to me……because let’s face it I WANT to be a light pointing people to YOU….

Luke 11: 46 He said, "Yes, and I can be even more explicit. You're hopeless, you religion scholars! You load people down with rules and regulations, nearly breaking their backs, but never lift even a finger to help…..

IT'S NOT ABOUT RELIGION……be it Emergent or Christian or Catholic or Baptist or………it’s about Him and His Word……His word keeps us open to Him…….not to read it for legalistic purposes but because it is what HE GAVE US TO KNOW HIM……and through it and HIS SPIRIT guiding us…….all we want to DO is know HIM……..The point of the journey is to want what God wants MORE THAN ANYTHING…..maybe He just wants to be known………and then, well THEN HE takes care of everything else…….but I kinda wonder if knowing HIM may take the rest of my life and right now this moment….that’s worth living for…….

"He swiftly uncovers my tendency to use 'questioning' as a way to avert obeying."...UPRISING


There's much more here......

Ezra 4; Psalm 113 & 127; Luke 9

Luke 9: 23-27 Then he told them what they could expect for themselves: "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat—I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? If any of you is embarrassed with me and the way I'm leading you, know that the Son of Man will be far more embarrassed with you when he arrives in all his splendor in company with the Father and the holy angels. This isn't, you realize, pie in the sky by and by. Some who have taken their stand right here are going to see it happen, see with their own eyes the kingdom of God."



So He tells the boys to be about HIS business…and he’s there to watch and teach and …….41 Jesus said, "What a generation! No sense of God! No focus to your lives! How many times do I have to go over these things? How much longer do I have to put up with this? Bring your son here."

THEY don’t get it, so why should I? They can’t heal or reach or teach people and HE was teaching them, He was with them for crying outloud….why do I think I am supposed to….because…because like them I want to….soooo badly, be about His business….. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you?....so, what is the REAL me???

‘the point of the journey is to want what God wants MORE THAN ANYTHING’….so ….that’s inside of me….deep inside of me covered with the filth of me….covered with the pride I suffer from…covered with the desires for stuff in the here and now is a desire to want what YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING…..a desire waiting for me to live in…….

Ezra 2 - 3; Luke 8

Luke 8: 48 Jesus said, "Daughter, you took a risk trusting me, and now you're healed and whole. Live well, live blessed!"
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results…..

Seeing something this morning…..wanting to NOT look at and yet feeling very compelled to LOOK AT IT…..hearing BE PASSIONATELY PATIENT…..wanting answers NOW…..wanting to know what to DO NOW….wanting and what I need??????
Ezra 3: 3-5 Even though they were afraid of what their non-Israelite neighbors might do, they went ahead anyway and set up the Altar on its foundations and offered Whole-Burnt-Offerings on it morning and evening. They also celebrated the Festival of Booths as prescribed and the daily Whole-Burnt-Offerings set for each day. And they presented the regular Whole-Burnt-Offerings for Sabbaths, New Moons, and God's Holy Festivals, as well as Freewill-Offerings for God.
Luke 8: 10He said, "You've been given insight into God's kingdom—you know how it works. There are others who need stories. But even with stories some of them aren't going to get it:
Their eyes are open but don't see a thing,
Their ears are open but don't hear a thing.
Luke 8: 16-18 "No one lights a lamp and then covers it with a washtub or shoves it under the bed. No, you set it up on a lamp stand so those who enter the room can see their way. We're not keeping secrets; we're telling them. We're not hiding things; we're bringing everything out into the open. So be careful that you don't become misers of what you hear. Generosity begets generosity. Stinginess impoverishes."
Luke 8: 25 Then he said to his disciples, "Why can't you trust me?"
Luke 8: 34-36 Those tending the pigs, scared to death, bolted and told their story in town and country. People went out to see what had happened. They came to Jesus and found the man from whom the demons had been sent, sitting there at Jesus' feet, wearing decent clothes and making sense. It was a holy moment, and for a short time they were more reverent than curious. Then those who had seen it happen told how the demoniac had been saved.
37-39 Later, a great many people from the Gerasene countryside got together and asked Jesus to leave—too much change, too fast, and they were scared. So Jesus got back in the boat and set off. The man whom he had delivered from the demons asked to go with him, but he sent him back, saying, "Go home and tell everything God did in you." So he went back and preached all over town everything Jesus had done in him.

Luke 8: 48 Jesus said, "Daughter, you took a risk trusting me, and now you're healed and whole. Live well, live blessed!"

So to recap….

Fear keeps me, fear of what people will ‘think’ keeps me from simply and completely living in You…???

I may know YOU and in living for and in You ‘feel’ like I am doing right but it is going to be up to You re: everyone else….the people…the people and what they may think of me….(as I was writing that I flashed to the movie Sybil......her fearfully chanting ‘the people, the people'…)

Why don’t I trust You….oh I say I do….I want to….but why….won’t I…don’t I….can’t I????

Why aren’t I more reverent than curious……more obedient than stubborn….more patient than stubborn and impatient…..

Why am I afraid to tell my story….do I BELIEVE I have a story….

I am healed and becoming whole…..why don’t I patiently live like that, without worrying about what people THINK…..

It’s a big fat circle isn’t it, a spiral without end…….I WANT and You are providing me with all that I NEED and what I NEED right now is to live, practice what I preach……

Hey this is my dumping ground….my place to process outloud….to not burden others with the crap that goes on in my head….my heart…..if I didn’t allow myself to be crazy here……the people…the people would really be freaked out…… as it is......noone comments here anymore....not that I NEED approval or affirmation.......but truth is I think I do.......

So much I am learning about myself and while usually I would want to run screaming from the clear picture…..it seems as though that hasn’t worked for 40 some years so why not …..I don’t know LOOKATIT maybe……

Several years ago on our first major trip on a bike I came to realizations about myself that haven’t quite left yet…..so more to learn I guess.

We were riding on a much smaller bike so while I enjoyed it there were things about it that caused….discomfort……After (to my mind and butt) a particularly long day of riding we came to a town at the base of a mountain and all I wanted was a Subway sandwich and a dinky motel room in this dusty little town, the name of which I cannot even recall. My husband on the other hand the driver and controller of this trip saw a sign saying Mt. Wilhelmina Lodge and wanted to summit this particular trip or leg of the trip with this 20 some mile road up the Mountain.

I being stubborn and less than agreeable began to pout……not one to rant and rave and make my wishes known (shouldn’t he sense my discomfort?) so I sat back and pouted. I am not proud of this…..not proud of THIS being how I always act in the face of not getting what I want…..So we began the summit, my husband excited and desiring to share this ride with me and me in my head and heart HARD and pouting….we passed pull off after pull off where my husband wanted me to see where we’d been…to see the scenery……the incredible vistas of mountains and trees and sky and sunset…….it wasn’t until we hit one particular vista….Blue Vista that I even glanced at what he was encouraging me to enjoy with him……I barely looked but what I saw was pretty incredible…..mist and clouds all an incredible shade or shades of BLUE….I wouldn’t let him know I thought it was beautiful and still he took me higher….in reflecting back on this with Dan, it was hard for him…he not only wanted to summit he wanted me to appreciate and enjoy the gift he felt he was giving me……but no….I was still pouting….

At the top…the LODGE was incredible and affordable….I can’t give words to the experience of getting up the next morning and walking with my husband, who forgave my pouting…..through heights and sights and incredible views.

In looking back I see how often I do this to God…never willingly going where He desires to take me……never obedient to what He wants…...Thank God He forgives me as well and perhaps I am learning to push through the tough stuff….learning that what is hard is worth going through to get to where He wants me to go….learning that what I want is so much less than the NEEDS He provides…….

So wants versus needs….I got a lot more to learn….alot more to wrestle with.....

Daniel 5-6; Psalm 130; Luke 3

Life can feel like a roller coaster ride, the chink chink chink of the chains taking you to the very top.....everything coming together and making sense and yet.....at the top.....you don't stay. After getting to the top.....the rush....there is in all likelyhood a big drop coming........PRIDE....will inevitably get in the way and ..

whooooooooooooooooosh.......

back down again......

VACATION..........chink'

I know.....I have learned....that it is in the valleys that I grow......chink'

I know.....I have learned....this is nothing I can or have earned .......chink'

I know......I have learned....there is nothing to be gained by running away.......chink'

I know......I have learned....that all YOU need is me to be available....to be faithful.......chink'

I know......I have learned....I am NEVER alone.......chink'

I know......that after the rain comes the rainbow ...I saw one come in after the rain on the bike on the ride in Colorado, more than once ....so stormy and then there it is the sun and......chink'

I know..... I have learned ....that I get to thinking .....I KNOW too much........ .......

I'm on it though you know, this roller coaster and I can't get off.....to get off would be to miss the life YOU have planned for me....I don't even think I want to get off anymore.....I used to be a quitter...please God I don't want to be any longer.....I think YOU are changing me........

I found this this morning in rereading some of my journals....woke up sour, you know just back from vacation in the routine again...sour.......in reading Daniel seeing that it was his doing what he'd always done in faith.....the king said of his God, of MY God....He is a saviour and a rescuer.

Daniel 6: 25-27 King Darius published this proclamation to every race, color, and creed on earth:
Peace to you! Abundant peace!
I decree that Daniel's God shall be worshiped and feared in all parts of my kingdom.
He is the living God, world without end.
His kingdom never falls. His rule continues eternally.
He is a savior and rescuer.
He performs astonishing miracles in heaven and on earth.
He saved Daniel from the power of the lions

Daniel lived out so faithfully God's plan for his life that an unbeliever ended up Praising God...... God's plan only needs my being available......and then

Luke 3: 7-9 When crowds of people came out for baptism because it was the popular thing to do, John exploded: "Brood of snakes! What do you think you're doing slithering down here to the river? Do you think a little water on your snakeskins is going to deflect God's judgment? It's your life that must change, not your skin. And don't think you can pull rank by claiming Abraham as 'father.' Being a child of Abraham is neither here nor there—children of Abraham are a dime a dozen. God can make children from stones if he wants. What counts is your life. Is it green and blossoming? Because if it's deadwood, it goes on the fire."
10The crowd asked him, "Then what are we supposed to do?"
11"If you have two coats, give one away," he said. "Do the same with your food."

What if you know....what if HIS PLAN is not for me to be wealthy but to be generous??? What if we all as believers followed HIS PLAN........What if I did??

So 3000 miles in 8 days on the back of the bike…..
I bitched and moaned beforehand ….

OH GOD give me a vacation….

oh yeah I can be...I AM that pathetic

I cannot believe how much I focus on what I WANT rather than resting in YOUR provision of what I need…..

I cannot believe how truly blessed I am……

Sitting on the back of the bike I think thoughts…I pray Roman 8:26 prayers…..I wonder and cry… I sing Praise songs…..I seem to in those moments be less about me, because I am on vacation??

I think ….well I THINK many things……

I thought about atheists and Lost People ….I think about the wounds life has left on them…I think how they must self protect….

I think how all He asks is me to love Him and others….all others……He doesn’t ask me to fix anyone…He doesn’t ask me to judge ....in fact He tells me quite clearly to NOT think myself better than anyone….To not worry but to PRAY….
He does say to LOVE OTHERS all others……I think I don’t because I SELF PROTECT and want more from them, want their love before I will love them…???

I think if I truly lived in the KNOWING what I know….

That I am protected if never safe…
That God is in control of everything…….
That I have already received more than I could ever earn or deserve or believe……
That I can’t earn God’s love anymore than I can lose it…..
That a life spent seeking Him is a life of incredible freedom and power and contentment….
That contentment doesn’t mean being LAZY…
That contentment doesn’t mean spiritually satisfied…….
That being spiritually dissatisfied means MOVE towards Him or turn back toward Him or open myself to HIM……

I thought about Lost People a lot….I wondered if the term Lost People is offensive….

I thought about when I was LOST, I didn’t know it….I didn’t want to hear about being LOST….but it didn't make me any less lost....

I thought about convictions without Faith ….you’re simply stubborn…I was…..
But convictions with FAITH has made me softer ....but the softness has brought me more convictions….
I thought about my convictions being based in what I have come to know from reading the Bible…and allowing.....well allowing the Holy Spirit to have free rein in my life.....allowing Christ to become...everything...I thought about how that happened...is happening.....
I thought about the Bible and how much JOY it brings me…
I thought about how that doesn’t make sense…..because I never read the bible and was scared of it and how the fear kept me from reading it and how did I lose the fear??
I thought about how SUPERNATURAL the Bible is….and yet there are people who read and believe and preach the Bible who perhaps have never experienced God or wrestled with Him over something they’ve read.
I thought about how I wrestle with Him.... about everything and how even in the losing I have come to love Him and and and the wrestling and the Bible…….

I also prayed alot of Romans 8:26 prayers....realizing that I don't know as much as I thought I knew.....made trusting the Holy Spirit with my prayers much easier.....so I prayed for alot of you.....Your names just kept coming to my mind and I just thought and prayed and trusted and.....

I thought and prayed.....about a lot and haven’t sorted much of it out ….

But I think I have liked writing it down here…….

So.....what do you KNOW....build your life on....what have YOU been thinking??

Dallas Thoughts......

2 Great articles about Dallas Willard....here and here.......

We're afraid to follow Jesus, because then we'd have to die and rise with him.......... Do we expect a new Christian life will just happen without our having to make inconvenient changes in how we live Monday to Sunday? If so, we are like people who want to be solvent and who also max out their credit cards. Or people who want to be sexually pure and who also bookmark porn sites. Or people who want to speak Japanese without all the tiresome study that's normally required. Here's Willard's devastating summary:
The general human failing is to want what is right and important, but at the same time not to commit to the kind of life that will produce the action we know to be right and the condition we want to enjoy. This is the feature of human character that explains why the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Prescription So what to do?
The first thing to do is to trust our Christian friends who have died with Jesus Christ when they tell us it's going to be okay if we do it, too. This, in my judgment, is one of the greatest services offered to the church by our Christian friend Dallas Willard. He is a brilliant, modest, immensely experienced Christian older brother, calling to us from the Resurrection side of things. His books all call out, in one way or another: Come on over. It's going to be okay to die first. You have to do it, and you can do it. Not even Jesus got a resurrection without a death, and he'll be at your side when you surrender your old life. Trust me on this. If you die with Jesus Christ, God will walk you out of your tomb into a life of incomparable joy and purpose inside his boundless and competent love.

The disciplined life will cost us. But, as Willard notes, the undisciplined life will cost us far more, now and forever.

2 Kings 25; 2 Chronicles 36; Jeremiah 40 & 41; Revelation 12

Closer fellowship with God through dependence on Christ, on the Word…on the Holy Spirit….it’s cool and scary stuff at the same time….scary in that there really is no part of my life I can keep away from HIM and cool that…..well YOU feel Him so interested but then that’s just scary too…….All of it good and bad at the same time…….bad in that my heart hurts a lot and when it does I look at it and when I look at it I see more selfishness in me and yet in the looking is GRACE and…..bad in that maybe that’s good…….???
But see I get to thinking things I’m not sure I really know…I get to thinking I know MORE than I am supposed to know…I get to thinking…maybe the point is I get to thinking TOO MUCH………but ……

2 Chronicles 36: 11-13 Zedekiah was twenty-one years old when he started out as king. He was king in Jerusalem for eleven years. As far as God was concerned, he was just one more evil king; there wasn't a trace of contrition in him when the prophet Jeremiah preached God's word to him. Then he compounded his troubles by rebelling against King Nebuchadnezzar, who earlier had made him swear in God's name that he would be loyal. He became set in his own stubborn ways—he never gave God a thought; repentance never entered his mind.
14 The evil mindset spread to the leaders and priests and filtered down to the people—it kicked off an epidemic of evil, repeating the abominations of the pagans and polluting The Temple of God so recently consecrated in Jerusalem.
15-17 God, the God of their ancestors, repeatedly sent warning messages to them. Out of compassion for both his people and his Temple he wanted to give them every chance possible. But they wouldn't listen; they poked fun at God's messengers, despised the message itself, and in general treated the prophets like idiots. God became more and more angry until there was no turning back—God indiscriminately—and right in The Temple itself; it was a ruthless massacre: young men and virgins, the elderly and weak—they were all the same to him. called in Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon, who came and killed indiscriminately—and right in The Temple itself; it was a ruthless massacre: young men and virgins, the elderly and weak—they were all the same to him.

Set in my own stubborn ways….. never giving a thought to God and repentance… You could have said that about me before it never entered my mind, what did I have to repent of…??…. …before……before…making a decision to invite Christ into my heart….before making a decision that I was going to live a life of faith…before letting the Holy Spirit roam around every part of my life and before I was willing to listen to what He might point out to me…before…….and now the cool and scary part of HE has wanted to BE in every part and it was my stubborn refusal to admit how badly I needed HELP……

how badly I didn’t want to be seen as a freak…..and now knowing I AM a FREAK but not knowing how YOU want me to operate in that??? So yeah….how do you operate in a hearing from God that says……well just the fact that I ‘think’ I am hearing from Him tells me and you that I am a FREAK right???
So what now you know….what now???
You teach what you believe, but you can only reproduce who you are???
Am I supposed to reproduce a bunch of people who…who…..who love God with their whole hearts and are never going to be sure of anything save that the rest of their lives spent in seeking Him and His will…..what will YOU do in that???? Yeah....if only I could live there.....

Doing a Crown Ministries Study re: how you handle money…not well, never have, never even thought about or wondered IF God cared about me and money…just prayed when I wanted MORE….involves verse/scripture memorization……the verse for this week:

Luke 16:11 Therefore if you have not been faithful in the use of worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches.

The quote : We can teach what we believe, but we only reproduce who we are……

That scares the crap out of me…

Is it too late?

Father God I hope not ~ I pray not~ I KNOW not.
But who I am has to change…..

Philippians 4:13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Ephesians 2: 10 For we are HIS workmanship created IN Christ Jesus FOR good works which God prepared for us BEFOREHAND, that we should walk in them. (emphasis mine)

His plan…….now to go quietly ~ submissively ~ yet thoroughly FREE into it……..