I posted yesterday my realizational of being the whore and perhaps it was too in your face.... this from Henri Nouwen says what I am thinking today....
I have this print of Rembrandts Prodigal on my mantle...my daugther got it for me when she was in Russia from the museum where the original hangs. The story of it for and in my family is for another day. But the picture speaks volumes.....the elder brother in it haunts me....which one are you??


Daily Meditation for June 30, 2006
written by Henri Nouwen
_........................................................._
Coming Home
In the parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32), there are two sons: the younger son, who runs away from home to an alien country, and the older son, who stays home to do his duty. The younger son dissipates himself with alcohol and sex; the older son alienates himself by working hard and dutifully fulfilling all his obligations. Both are lost.
Their father grieves over both, because with neither of them does he experience the intimacy he desires.
Both lust and cold obedience can prevent us from being true children of God. Whether we are like the younger son or the older son, we have to come home to the place where we can rest in the embrace of God's unconditional love.

Psalm 104

1-14 O my soul, bless God! God, my God, how great you are!

beautifully, gloriously robed,

Dressed up in sunshine,

and all heaven stretched out for your tent.

You built your palace on the ocean deeps,

made a chariot out of clouds and took off on wind-wings.

You commandeered winds as messengers,

appointed fire and flame as ambassadors.

You set earth on a firm foundation

so that nothing can shake it, ever.

You blanketed earth with ocean,

covered the mountains with deep waters;

Then you roared and the water ran away—

your thunder crash put it to flight.

Mountains pushed up, valleys spread out

in the places you assigned them.

You set boundaries between earth and sea;

never again will earth be flooded.

You started the springs and rivers,

sent them flowing among the hills.

All the wild animals now drink their fill,

wild donkeys quench their thirst.

Along the riverbanks the birds build nests,

ravens make their voices heard.

You water the mountains from your heavenly cisterns;

earth is supplied with plenty of water.

You make grass grow for the livestock,

hay for the animals that plow the ground.

Praising You for people who write the songs....no not Barry Manilow although he did have some songs in his day that were catchy.... :)

I am thinking this morning of Derek Webb, his song The Wedding Dress was one when I first heard it.....'what the heck???' "Me a whore??? '

Reading the story of the Prodigal was the same way.... it's only recently seeing myself as the PRODIGAL...I was the Elder Brother....

My whoring is for approval.....for people to LIKE ME.....
My whoring is for affirmation, always looking to please, to hear that 'good job', that fills me up for about a minute before I am whoring after more and more and more approval....the pleasing is never about THEM it's about filling me up....

So today I am praying that I will run down that aisle.........

If you could love me as a wife
and for my wedding gift, your life
Should that be all I’d ever need
or is there more I’m looking for
and should I read between the lines
and look for blessings in disguise
To make me handsome, rich, and wise
Is that really what you want

I am a whore I do confess
But I put you on just like a wedding dress
and I run down the aisle
and I run down the aisle
I’m a prodigal with no way home
but I put you on just like a ring of gold
and I run down the aisle to you

So could you love this bastard child
Though I don’t trust you to provide
With one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side

I am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers so less wild
That I would take a little cash
Over your very flesh and blood
Because money cannot buy
a husband’s jealous eye
When you have knowingly deceived his wife

Praising YOU

Again that it's a journey or this morning I can see it as the race we are called to run, a marathon this life....not to be finished but to be endured and persevered through.....following Christ the whole way of it. For 'safe' people and places to coast beside and again remembering never to coast for too long.







For authors who challenge and stimulate your thinking and point you to Him....who stir you up more than entertain.

For mornings...where it 'feels' like all is fresh and you get a 'do over' every time. For the aroma of coffee on those mornings.....for the people who had guts enough to look at coffee beans (now tell me,does that look like anything you put in YOUR coffee pot??) and figure out how to roast them and grind them and run hot water over them and then drink it.....I'm more of an early adopter I would never have thunk it or have been brave enough to try it!




For motorcyles and the freedom that comes from being on two wheels. For vacations when the urge to run away can be subdued with an actual physical get away.
For motorcycle vacations!!

I am praising YOU
I am praising YOU

My daughter.....if what she is in had happened 2 weeks ago I don't know that she would have handled it as well as she is handling it now. She has been wrestling with You and You have met her, conquered her, comforted her to a degree that I can't help but PRAISE You for all of it!

I am praising YOU
I am praising YOU

My husband....dang that Man is incredible. Yesterday in my typical fashion placing the responsibility for us getting up firmly on his shoulders ( we can push the 'sleep' button time and time again) ....He got up and came to my side of the bed and whispered in my ear......Would love for you to come and spend some time with God and I.

I am praising YOU
I am praising YOU

Your word, Your Holy Spirit guiding and convicting and comforting those that read it with a seeking heart....never denied in turning to YOU....

I am praising YOU
I am praising YOU

The sunshine, the lengthening of our days as we enter into SUMMER. IMHO the best season of the year.....

I am praising YOU
I am praising YOU

THE BEST TEACHERS to help us enjoy summer are little children. They do not yet work in offices. They do not own calendars with tasks crying out to be done. I love to see the parks fill up with young life each summer. … I am joining them for a day, lest I grow old before my time. … As a child, I was quite successful at living life fully, because I had not yet learned to live by the calendar. I lived by heart.Macrina Wiederkehr, in The Circle of Life

Your Spirit ready to enter into the lives of any and all who turn to YOU. Ready to join any and all on a journey to discovering a freedom that is staggering.

I am praising YOU
I am praising YOU

The journey....like any 'trip' full of deserts and oasis of rest, mountains where we can see and valleys where we can only see in front of us. Patches of curves that excite and straightaways where we can coast (but not for too long) because there is always another curve or u-turn just ahead. The journey traveled in and with Christ guiding us to other travelers and where we are always on the look out for other companions...looking to guide others to the way that is full of truth and light and unfathomable freedom.

I am praising YOU
I am praising YOU

For creative types...Writers, producers, directors, photographers and actors and all those who make the movies that entertain us in this summer of Block Busters. As much as I enjoy summer there is nothing like a diet coke and a popcorn in a darkened theater watching what THEY come up with.

I am praising YOU
I am praising YOU

For weddings... Summertime is full of unions.... and all they entail. Families getting together and celebrating the creation of a NEW family. Watching children dance in the middle of a bunch of young adults or even us old people who can't help but get into the Hip Hop beat and even some old school rap....Let's be honest now who can sit still when the kids get to dancing to

Ice Ice Baby!!!

I am praising YOU
I am praising YOU

For marriage......for the finding of that one special person. For marriages where they know that THAT person is NOT going to fill them up. For marriages where they know that the purpose is not their happiness, it's not their job to fill each other up but to love, challenge, encourage and walk with each other into a journey of Holiness. Gary Thomas says or rather asks....'what if the purpose of marriage is NOT to make us happy but to make us Holy.'.....For marriages committed to figuring that out.

I am praising YOU
I am praising YOU

I am praising YOU Father this morning that no matter how alone we may 'feel' we are never truly ALONE.....You are ahead of us....You have our backs and ask that we operate in LOVE in that inbetween scary place knowing we are fully protected even when we are unsafe.

I am praising YOU

Casting Crowns:

"Praise You In This Storm"

I was sure by now

That You would have reached down

And wiped our tears away

Stepped in and saved the day

But once again,

I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rollsI barely hear

Your whisper through the rain"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy fallsI raise my hands and

praise the God who gives

And takes away

I'll praise You in this storm

And I will lift my hands

For You are who You are

No matter where I am

Every tear I've criedYou hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm

I remember whenI stumbled in the wind

You heard my cryYou raised me up again

My strength is almost gone

How can I carry on

If I can't find You

As the thunder rollsI barely hear

You whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord

The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Praising YOU for my CHURCH........And that surprises me because I have 'felt' so much lately that I didn't 'think' was good whenever I thought about IT and yet this morning I am struck with the passion for God that was born in me in all that disappointment.........

They the body of people in my CHURCH seemed as though they were always disappointing me and yet THEY are the ones who pointed me from the very beginning towards God, Jesus, the BIBLE...they never once made me think or wanted me to think it was about Shoal Creek.........and IF I had run from them would I have ended up running from God or just to another body of people who would have disappointed me and ..............

I don't know.... all I do KNOW is that THIS MORNING I am praising You for my church and for YOUR plan for THE church......we are people born of sin yada yada yada what that means is we will screw it up over and over trying to get what WE WANT and yet You never give up....You never stop wanting what YOU WANT FOR THE CHURCH.......It's all we have isn't it? A bunch of humans each of us wanting to HONOR YOU but in that is wanting to do it our way because we don't or can't fully KNOW what you would want....or could we???

Again just this morning praising you for my church....
In Biblegateway .com typed in church:
112 re: NIV
110 re: Msg
111 re: KJ
120 re: NKJ 112 re: NASB

Type into Google search 'what did Jesus say about church?' and you get 19,800,000 hits......so many people trying to definitively say what Jesus said....HUMANS screwing it up....BUT we're all HUMAN so even me saying all this.... I don't know....

I only know that all I have to KNOW God right now outside of my own thoughts, feelings and experiences is the BIBLE...that's it for good or bad outside of that it's all human and I KNOW the bible has been translated by humans but it's all we have...how did I get back to the Bible??

I do PRAISE You for your word.........I praise You that You tried to communicate to a really stubborn people, that YOU try all the time and we mess it up, perhaps I am messing it up here???

The word of God it speaks to me and I believe it speaks to anyone who picks it up with a seeking HEART.

So back to praising you for my church.......Thank You for placing a passion for God in a human person that tries to reach lost people with the gospel of Christ any way it can......using music and drama and the ministry of Small Groups....releasing fallible passionate people to show Christ to others through committing to doing life with them. To constantly laying before us authors and theories and challenging us and disappointing us and yet never leaving the mission statement:

The mission of Shoal Creek Community Church is to turn spiritual seekers into a community of fully devoted followers of Christ. Our meetings, teaching, worship, and outreach are simply components of this over-all objective.
We desire to accomplish this by following the teachings and examples of Jesus Christ found in the Bible. One of the most striking of these is the fact that Christians are called not only to love God, but also to love one another. Being a devoted follower of Jesus also means being devoted to a community of other believers. This is what we want to create and mature.

Jesus humbly pointed to the Father.....
Paul as a human became more and more humble in his ministry and pointed people to Jesus.....
WE as the church must point to Jesus .....to the good news the Gospel of Jesus...to the Bible and there we have to get out of the way and allow God to do what He does best......

and then I remember NOONE could have told me this......people tried but I wouldn't/ couldn't hear.....

THE bible no way could one book ....no way could such an old book.......it's just a book....it's too hard to read......I don't understand how....I don't see why.....

But it does...it did......it was the only thing that held the power to break my heart, to in that brokenness see how much He loved me, loved all of us........So I guess I praise you for my Church which pointed me to the Bible........didn't force me but held it up, pointed to it .......and that's I guess all I am trying to do here......

I can connect anything but I read this quote yesterday .....
"Have you ever seen someone pull a photo out of their wallet and argue about the supremacy of this particular loved one? Of course not. They show you the picture and give you the opportunity to see what they see."
That's what I 'think' I am thinking about the Bible this morning......

Praises for Women you can really talk to, connect with, serve with, minister with~to~and be ministered to by, who become real friends, who challenge and guide you, who KNOW you and let you KNOW them.......

Just struck this morning by the different roles women play in our lives and even though we have our faults our sins.......as women what would we do without other women in our lives....no matter how they frustrate and or bless us!

Praises for the seasons. What an AMAZING GOD you know w/the creativity and wisdom to give us seasons to grow....to die.....to thrive....to rest in......just... if left to our own selfish devices we wouldn't have had the creativity and wisdom to create so much diversity. He knew....He knows.....

Praises for the diversity in the animal kingdom...again such CREATIVITY. Did you know the woodpecker has a cushion between his beak and his brain so he doesn't kill himself pounding at things! (If He did that for the woodpecker how much MORE He did in and for us!) God created so many amazing wonderful creatures.
The diversity in us humans is praiseworthy as well...the different personality and strengths and yes weaknesses He placed in each individual and our struggle is to learn how to grow and appreciate each other....to be grown by each other...it's staggering how much thought He put into each one of us! Making some people with technical minds that have developed the world wide web making communication with each other possible...getting to meet people here we would never get to meet across the country.....Giving others the gift of TEACHING so our children benefit from the knowledge and experiences of our History..... Chefs and cooks who experiment and perfect foods...combining foods giving us so much pleasure and then those gifted with creating dining experiences to enjoy the food the chefs or cooks have created......You could go on and on you know, so many different gifts and passions in a world beyond our scope of imagination and yet HE did...imagine it all......create all of it.

Praises for the natural wonders of this amazing planet.....waterfalls and mountains......valleys and trees (so many different species of trees again with the creativity!) ......the vastness of the oceans ...the tides.....sunrises and sunsets.....

I love this Danielle.....beginning the day in PRAISE really looking at the STUFF we are surrounded with and celebrating where it came from.... to often I wake up looking at what I don't have instead of celebrating what I am surrounded by....

2 Kings 6: 16 "Don't be afraid," the prophet answered. "Those who are with us are more than those who are with them."

What if ...you know....what if I operated in that....that being protected if not necessarily SAFE place...That He is ahead of me .....That He has my back and all I have to do is operated in THAT inbetween scary place! What an amazing God! Praises for all that He IS, has done and continues to do.......

2 Kings 4-5; Psalm 83; 1 Timothy 2

I love being Gigi!!! Check this out and see why!

I am struck this morning with blessings and want to just Thank God for everything in my life and at the same time there are things that I want to pray for......Danielle is leading us in 40 days of PRAISE!!
Can we praise and pray / ask God....... at the same time?? I think so ........

1 Timothy 2: 8-10 Since prayer is at the bottom of all this, what I want mostly is for men to pray—not shaking angry fists at enemies but raising holy hands to God. And I want women to get in there with the men in humility before God, not primping before a mirror or chasing the latest fashions but doing something beautiful for God and becoming beautiful doing it.

Your Mission

Do you remember the old Mission Impossible TV series and how it opened up weekly with "Your mission should you choose to accept it......"

Cue the music......see the exploding tape recorder and.......


Your mission should YOU decide to accept it is : Think of a time when you were ready to give up, but someone’s encouragement kept you going. What did that person do that had such an impact on you? (Optional: Write a note to that person, telling him )

1 Kings 17-19 ; Colossians 2

You probably see these pages and dismiss this entry....heck I would have.......Noone could have told me a couple of years ago that to read the bible was important....NOONE...
In reading Colossians just so struck by the journey........

Why do we begin it? Noone can MAKE us .....We grow up in churches with parents and those in authority not trusting God enough to allow it to BE A JOURNEY......????

Not trusting God enough, that is the crux of it???
We live in a world where we 'think' we need to control all the evil, all the negative and before we know it that desire for control becomes it's own evil.......sounds so simplistic and I know it's just my own inner voice, unprocessed thoughts .......but look at this:

Col. 2: 2-4 I want you woven into a tapestry of love, in touch with everything there is to know of God. Then you will have minds confident and at rest, focused on Christ, God's great mystery. All the richest treasures of wisdom and knowledge are embedded in that mystery and nowhere else. And we've been shown the mystery! I'm telling you this because I don't want anyone leading you off on some wild-goose chase, after other so-called mysteries, or "the Secret."

in touch with everything there is to know of God.....in touch with the Bible......it has to be about that.....because that is the only thing that contains all there is to know about God....the supernaturalness of the book, the words. It has the power to transform lives, to soften hearts.
If you take it out of the equation we come back to someone else's interpretation or worse yet our own, without it constantly tenderizing our hearts. What else has stood the test of time. Religions...no corrupted by people.......
Denominations within religions born of that corruption...that human desire to want it our way ALWAYS......
Religious leaders...they die.....some of them not founded in the simplicity of the BIBLE fall away but nevertheless they all die.....

The bible has been around, will be around..........a book so amazing that IF we can humbly submit to reading it life change is guaranteed....but the humble submission to it, not to any person or institution but to IT has to be foundational........

You can know about God but I don't believe you can know Him without this book.........
IMHO.....
And you know what makes me the saddest this morning........noone could of told me this a couple of years ago....NOONE...

1 Kings 16; 2 Chronicles 15&16; Colossians 1

Chaos

Communication misfires
Personality clashes
Hidden agendas
Unmet Expectations

Where do I go?

Desiring more to be understood than to understand....
Desiring more to be understood than to understand....
Wanting what I want more than anything.....
Wanting what I want more than anything....

Is that where I go???

or how I got there....into chaos??

This is chaos...?

What about people whose health is less than healthy?
What about people who experience loss and tragedy beyond what I can comprehend?

Chaos is chaos ....right?

The point of the journey is to want what God wants more than anything..........
He is NOT a God of chaos???

The point of the journey is to want what God wants more than anything.........HOW???

2 Chron. 15: 2 Chronicles 15: 1-6 Then Azariah son of Obed, moved by the Spirit of God, went out to meet Asa. He said, "Listen carefully, Asa, and listen Judah and Benjamin: God will stick with you as long as you stick with him. If you look for him he will let himself be found; but if you leave him he'll leave you. For a long time Israel didn't have the real God, nor did they have the help of priest or teacher or book. But when they were in trouble and got serious, and decided to seek God, the God of Israel, God let himself be found. At that time it was a dog-eat-dog world; life was constantly up for grabs—no one, regardless of country, knew what the next day might bring. Nation battered nation, city pummeled city. God let loose every kind of trouble among them.

So in chaos......we seek God.....I do......and everytime He lets Himself be found......He's never lost I am.....He's never far...I am......and when I get serious He's there.....and then....and then....

PEOPLE we humans get in there and put our spin on it.....our understanding of it......and

YOU'RE always right there, probably shedding these great big tears of......we just don't get it....and yet You love us and let us keep on going.....WOW...
How could you not want what He wants when you begin to understand what it is He wants.....

Col. 1: 18-20 He was supreme in the beginning and—leading the resurrection parade—he is supreme in the end. From beginning to end he's there, towering far above everything, everyone. So spacious is he, so roomy, that everything of God finds its proper place in him without crowding. Not only that, but all the broken and dislocated pieces of the universe—people and things, animals and atoms—get properly fixed and fit together in vibrant harmonies, all because of his death, his blood that poured down from the cross.
21-23 You yourselves are a case study of what he does. At one time you all had your backs turned to God, thinking rebellious thoughts of him, giving him trouble every chance you got. But now, by giving himself completely at the Cross, actually dying for you, Christ brought you over to God's side and put your lives together, whole and holy in his presence. You don't walk away from a gift like that! You stay grounded and steady in that bond of trust, constantly tuned in to the Message, careful not to be distracted or diverted. There is no other Message—just this one. Every creature under heaven gets this same Message. I, Paul, am a messenger of this Message.
24-25 I want you to know how glad I am that it's me sitting here in this jail and not you. There's a lot of suffering to be entered into in this world—the kind of suffering Christ takes on. I welcome the chance to take my share in the church's part of that suffering. When I became a servant in this church, I experienced this suffering as a sheer gift, God's way of helping me serve you, laying out the whole truth.
26-29 This mystery has been kept in the dark for a long time, but now it's out in the open. God wanted everyone, not just Jews, to know this rich and glorious secret inside and out, regardless of their background, regardless of their religious standing. The mystery in a nutshell is just this: Christ is in you, so therefore you can look forward to sharing in God's glory. It's that simple. That is the substance of our Message. We preach Christ, warning people not to add to the Message. We teach in a spirit of profound common sense so that we can bring each person to maturity. To be mature is to be basic. Christ! No more, no less. That's what I'm working so hard at day after day, year after year, doing my best with the energy God so generously gives me.

What if I went to THAT instead of all that I DO go to........
What an amazing God!!!

The Light

We're born into sin
We hear it said
But we are simply lost ??

And there we sit...knowing no other way

And then...a glimpse of perfect light disturbs our perfect albeit selfish *stupor

And in that disturbance we argue....

'But it's too far'
then
'It's too easy'
then
'No way it can be that simple'

And in the far is lazy
And in the easy is doubt
And in the simple....is FEAR

And so we sit in selfish....self-protective STUPOR

And then the glimpse a light so bright ...far off and yet inviting

And maybe this time we hear HIS name
Jesus

We snicker and yet are secretly

intrigued

But again too far...too easy...too simple

And so we sit this time either angrily selfish or fearfully self protective
(are they perhaps the same???)

A disturbed Stupor.... no there's no way ...
once disturbed
once the itch is born
once the hole is revealed

It must be soothed
It must be scratched
It must be filled

But there are many solutions
There are many antidotes
There is much to fill the hole

And yet we get no closer to the light??
And it is annoyingly bright and comforting?????

Comforting....and we remember the name......Jesus

The stupor is forever gone
The journey is begun

And in the journey is struggle....and in the journey is pain.....and in the journey is ups and downs but the light burns in our hearts

And so we fight through selfishness....who knew we were so vain
I hid it well in self protection
I hid it well in nice
I hid it well in all I did
I thought .....I loved but......

I was just needing to BE LOVED

I thought I could do it on my own......
I thought I had to do it on my own....
I thought I didn't need Him...

The world says ........
And He says PLEASE 'come to me'

And so we come.......
And in that coming is FREEDOM
He did it all
He loved us first
He doesn't need us to......

He just says........ Come follow me

So here I am on the other side????

I believe with all my heart....
The stupor is forever gone.......
The light....Jesus is the light.........

stu·por a condition of greatly dulled or completely suspended sense or sensibility a state of extreme apathy or torpor resulting often from stress or shock : DAZEsynonym see LETHARGY

saying it better than me

Philippians 3 (Msg)

Philippians 3: 2-6 Steer clear of the barking dogs, those religious busybodies, all bark and no bite. All they're interested in is appearances—knife-happy circumcisers, I call them. The real believers are the ones the Spirit of God leads to work away at this ministry, filling the air with Christ's praise as we do it. We couldn't carry this off by our own efforts, and we know it—even though we can list what many might think are impressive credentials. You know my pedigree: a legitimate birth, circumcised on the eighth day; an Israelite from the elite tribe of Benjamin; a strict and devout adherent to God's law; a fiery defender of the purity of my religion, even to the point of persecuting the church; a meticulous observer of everything set down in God's law Book.
7-9 The very credentials these people are waving around as something special, I'm tearing up and throwing out with the trash—along with everything else I used to take credit for. And why? Because of Christ. Yes, all the things I once thought were so important are gone from my life. Compared to the high privilege of knowing Christ Jesus as my Master, firsthand, everything I once thought I had going for me is insignificant—dog dung. I've dumped it all in the trash so that I could embrace Christ and be embraced by him. I didn't want some petty, inferior brand of righteousness that comes from keeping a list of rules when I could get the robust kind that comes from trusting Christ—God's righteousness.
10-11 I gave up all that inferior stuff so I could know Christ personally, experience his resurrection power, be a partner in his suffering, and go all the way with him to death itself. If there was any way to get in on the resurrection from the dead, I wanted to do it.
Focused on the Goal
12-14 I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.
15-16 So let's keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision—you'll see it yet! Now that we're on the right track, let's stay on it.
17-19 Stick with me, friends. Keep track of those you see running this same course, headed for this same goal. There are many out there taking other paths, choosing other goals, and trying to get you to go along with them. I've warned you of them many times; sadly, I'm having to do it again. All they want is easy street. They hate Christ's Cross. But easy street is a dead-end street. Those who live there make their bellies their gods; belches are their praise; all they can think of is their appetites.
20-21 But there's far more to life for us. We're citizens of high heaven! We're waiting the arrival of the Savior, the Master, Jesus Christ, who will transform our earthy bodies into glorious bodies like his own. He'll make us beautiful and whole with the same powerful skill by which he is putting everything as it should be, under and around him.

The picture....the words.......I am NOT a runner, a RACE runner that is. Oh I'm a runner.... I have been in my life more of a cut and run. To commit to a race has never been my thing, but I can get behind this word picture. I have to.......I have been running it alone my whole life, which of course makes me the winner....not/never competing at anything I can't walk away with.
Do you know that I even with my children and board games would quit....would throw the board....would ....I remember playing chess with my kids, with anyone and IF they took my Queen....I would actually tip the board over...every time. It was funny you know Mom throws the chess board and now I look at it and I am horrified........
I don't know how to commit to a race......too many opportunities to lose and yet looking at it now I have LOST my whole life.....by never competing. But in Christ I am running now and it's not about winning it is about finishing......

DANG when did this happen? That I would see things this way...I don't know.....I think it started with looking.......really looking.
It stings...but seeing it, really seeing it...pieces of it and yet seeing it through eyes covered with GRACE.....His grace.......standing in the waterfall this morning, NO running in it!

Question MONDAY

You know how your car has gauges and warning lights to help you maintain your engine, to keep it fueled up.
Imagine you have gauges to watch in your life........Do you check yours??

How are you doing?



Physically
Emotionally
Spiritually

Where are your gauges reading?
How do you fill up or recharge ?

Scene from the Princess Bride:
BUTTERCUP
Farm boy. Polish my horse's saddle. I want to see my face shining in it by morning.
WESTLEY
(quietly, watching her) As you wish.
He gazes at her as she walks away. "As you wish" was all he ever said to her.
(WESTLEY, outside, chopping wood. Buttercup drops two large buckets near him. )
BUTTERCUP
Farm Boy. Fill these with water -- (a beat) --please.
WESTLEY
As you wish.
She leaves; his eyes stay on her. She stops, turns -- he manages to look away as now her eyes stay on him. .....That day, she was amazed to discover that when he was saying, "As you wish," what he meant was, "I love you."


Quote from The uprising : I can think of no better setting for a sighting of You than a full surrender of me.

Phillipians 2: 12-13 What I'm getting at, friends, is that you should simply keep on doing what you've done from the beginning. When I was living among you, you lived in responsive obedience. Now that I'm separated from you, keep it up..Better yet, redouble your efforts. Be energetic in your life of salvation, reverent and sensitive before God. That energy is God's energy, an energy deep within you, God himself willing and working at what will give him the most pleasure.
14-16 Do everything readily and cheerfully—no bickering, no second-guessing allowed! Go out into the world uncorrupted, a breath of fresh air in this squalid and polluted society. Provide people with a glimpse of good living and of the living God. Carry the light-giving Message into the night

A conversation w/an intern I am mentoring comes to mind. Her realization that she can never just DO WHAT SOMEONE SAYS without questioning...my listening to her w/o interruption and silently siding with her, as she told how a fellow intern had told her to do this or that and my thought of 'how dare this person boss her around' ....was in my head and yet somehow this new learning to listen came in handy and listening to her, to her, come to the conclusion that PRIDE in her makes it near impossible for her to be directed into doing something.....

Is it just me...or maybe you can see the connection.
No it's me, I am not at first....heck I wonder if I am ever responsively obedient...this young interns self-observation helped me to look deeper, to follow her...( hey who's mentoring who here?) ..
never does an 'as you wish' cross my lips...
full surrender, who me?? ..

How to get there??... and yet Phillipians says it is God's energy deep within me desiring to...
talk about HOPE......

So my gauges are spiritually at 3/4 and filling up. But what drains my gauges is that physically I am unhappy and probably right at or below 1/2 and when I am physically unhappy that takes my emotional tank down.... but I 'think' my spiritual tank is directly linked to both and IF I can keep filling it up....stay thinking deeply about Him and His desires for His Glory.......perhaps I won't just stop dead...I won't get stuck again.......???

Grace Like Rain

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now I'm found
Was blind but now I see so clearly

Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me Hallelujah, all my stains are washed away, washed away

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me
Hallelujah, all my stains are washed away, washed away

When we've been there ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun
We've no less days to sing Your praise
Than when we first begun

Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me
Hallelujah, all my stains are washed away, washed away


Not really connected to the above or maybe it really is.....THE PROMISE OF REAL CHANGE You don't have to pretend you've got it all together—when you don't. You don't have to pretend your best relationship deeply satisfies—when it doesn't. You don't have to pretend your struggle with sin is a thing of the past—when it isn't. "Only Christians have the capacity to never pretend," says Larry Crabb. That's because real change is only possible when you face the realities of your internal life and let God mold you....

Anyway give it a listen.......Jared and Allison are having this at their wedding and I heard it this morning, never fails to move me......Have a great weekend!!

Ecc. 7-9 and Ephesians 4

Our question this morning was: : Say life is like a mall and there is the kiosk with the map saying 'you are here' with a big star or arrow...where are you?
It was amazing how quickly I saw myself...sitting at the lonely information desk.

Whether it is being 50 or truly Christ I don't know, but I very quickly can flesh this metaphor or analogy out in my minds eye.

Life is a mall or perhaps more accurately for my purposes the journey is a mall ......I can remember being in the mall for the first time and being impressed with it. A place to run around and it HAD everything and it was mine for the taking. And then it hits you that it all costs. So I probably enjoyed looking around for awhile and then got my first job in the mall....and I enjoyed that, the people I was working with, the goods I was providing or selling or...all of it was amazing. But then I became dissatisfied with 'the store' I was in and of course being all about me I wasn't satisfied going just to another store and I wasn't at all ready for management, I became one of THOSE people. You know the ones walking around with their clipboards that you duck when you see them and they are very persistent and annoying.

Now I feel as though I am at the Information Desk and you know....until you are really lost you pretty much avoid them...no that's not right...you just don't need them but boy when you do.......you are sure glad they are there and only hope that they are kind and point you in the right direction. Wonder how...wonder what......No I have the best BOSS in the world and for right now that's where I am at........


Reading Ecc. this morning, struck by the wisdom of Solomon and how it makes sense to me today. The whole of the hopelessness, the randomness of life and yet in Christ I have hope and TRUST that in the randomness He is being revealed, slowly and more and more. My sitting at the Information Desk is not something I earned....not something I even remember getting to or deserve I KNOW THIS and that I see myself there...???...No I just do, see it......the being in the possession of such amazing privilege.......to be in a relationship w/ the God of the universe through my dependence on His word...His Son......I can see God in everything....I trust Him in everything.....I desire the chaos of knowing this more and more because....because......outside the mall is a sea of people who don't even know that what is in here is INCREDIBLE and full of HOPE.....It's a really good place to be......good but not necessarily a safe place to be and yet safer than what is outside it.......

How can we live our lives dangerously safe???????

So how can we work together to make this place, this journey, this mall, this church....and then.... in Ephesians 4: 1 As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called— 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.

So how do we do this?? Whether it be here in blogosphere....in our homes....our churches....our lives.....completely humble and gentle, bearing with one another in love. In Christ we are so loved as to be loving, the key is living in that love isn't it? These are just my thoughts and I by no means have anything 'figured out' and am not intending to be preachy but IF you are reading this and KNOW Christ then let's do it and if you don't.......then find the information desk and begin to ask questions........and for me the information desk is the Bible.......and it's all just words until.......

Eph.4: 20 You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. 21 Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26 "In your anger do not sin" Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.
29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Until we realize we have the instructions, the teachers, the coaches all around us and we don't know as much as we think we do...we don't care as much as we think we care...we don't love as much as we think we love.......and when we realize that or whatever it is for you that God wants you to realize then THEN we KNOW how very much we NEED Christ and in that need and forgiveness we are free.......

Tightrope to Dynamite to Ephesians 3 this morning... 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.


To a song on the radio that at first I thought....I'm not sure what I thought matters because... well very quickly I was in tears and still not sure what I am thinking but with Baptism tonite and so many declaring that they want to follow Christ and in seeing all that I struggle with I cannot help but pray that others all others will come to know the God of the Bible....and all I can do is be wooed by Him myself, wooed and awed and humbled.....

When God Ran

Almighty God, the great I am

Immovable rock, omnipotent, powerful, awesome Lord

Victorious warrior, commanding King of Kings

Mighty conqueror, and the only time

the only time I ever saw Him run

CHORUS: Was when He ran to me, He took me in His arms

Held my head to His chest, said “My son’s come home again”

Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes

With forgiveness in His voice He said,

“Son do you know I still love you?”

He caught me by surprise when God ran

Blow Me UP Lord

I wrote yesterday about being on a 'tightrope'...Oswald Chambers this morning speaks directly / painfully to what I was trying to say.

Phillipian 2: 2:12 - So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling;

Your will agrees with God, but in your flesh there is a disposition which renders you powerless to do what you know you ought to do. When the Lord is presented to the conscience, the first thing conscience does is to rouse the will, and the will always agrees with God. You say - "But I do not know whether my will is in agreement with God."
Look to Jesus and you will find that your will and your conscience are in agreement with Him every time. The thing in you which makes you say "I shan't" is something less profound than your will; it is perversity, or obstinacy, and they are never in agreement with God.
The profound thing in man is his will, not sin. Will is the essential element in God's creation of man: sin is a perverse disposition which entered into man. In a regenerated man the source of will is almighty. "For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure." You have to work out with concentration and care what God works in; not work your own salvation, but work it out, while you base resolutely in unshaken faith on the complete and perfect Redemption of the Lord. As you do this, you do not bring an opposed will to God's will, God's will is your will, and your natural choices are along the line of God's will, and the life is as natural as breathing. God is the source of your will, therefore you are able to work out His will. Obstinacy is an unintelligent 'wadge' that refuses to be enlightened; the only thing is for it to be blown up with dynamite, and the dynamite is obedience to the Holy Spirit.

Do I believe that Almighty God is the source of my will? God not only expects me to do His will, but He is in me to do it...........Oswald Chambers My Utmost for Your Highest June 6, 2006

All that churchy stuff about flesh and will...And when I say 'churchy' I do not mean it as a criticism, it is simply words and phrasiology that doesn't make sense to me, it is not in my data bank so to speak. I grew up Catholic and know about God and guilt and then coming to Christ in the last couple of years, I mean really desiring to follow Christ all this is new and a very good kind of challenging....I love asking questions and being asked....

So didn't God give us Free Will?? So where does the belief that I am on a journey come in? Am I a new person? So what does a new person do? His will ....Ok but when I 'think' I am doing His will I don't think I am as loving as I am supposed to be...is that my will getting in the way??

So I pull out the look to Jesus......in all things all the time....look to Jesus.....

flesh wants what it wants all the time right?? And the point of the journey is to want what God wants more than anything...I get that........will I want what God wants before I die?? Do I want what God wants but my flesh won't allow me to follow it...dynamite.....the dynamite is obedience to the Holy Spirit..........blow me up Lord...blow me up!

TIGHTROPE

As with most things not quite sure where the thought process started and yet here I am thinking about .......and wondering what your thoughts are......

It seems as though my life is a tightrope......and as with any tightrope it is suspended high up in the air and it's a dangerous thing to walk. Now a tightrope to be suspended up high has to have or be suspended between 2 points....In the circus those points are platforms and to get to those platforms you must climb a really dangerous pole and at the top of the pole is the platform and the tightrope is suspended between the two of them.
In my life it seems at 50 I have scaled the pole and am now on the platform of 'my desires' , finally seeing it for what it is (because as you're climbing up you can only see it in the distance and THAT'S what you're going for) .....and here it is this tiny little platform........
and clear across the way, to be reached by walking this tightrope is another platform and that platform seems to be so far away and it is 'what God wants'.....
I spend alot of time tiptoeing out and away from 'my desires' ...timidly heading for 'what God wants', hitting a place of passion and even running towards Him and yet never resting in and on THAT platform, if I have ever really reached it??
As soon as the passion subsides and I start looking at what I'm headed for ....like Peter walking on the water you start to sink and on the tightrope you just start shaking and knowing you are about to fall so why not go back to the platform that I KNOW and just stand there some more.......
and what would it look like anyway you know.....
so I try really hard to walk the tightrope, to find the balance, the right amount of tension.....

So back to the platform of MY DESIRES.....
It's been exhilarating heading for the other side....
A moment to catch my breath and ......another step out...and another and another.....
the rope shakes...the temptation to quit.....and yet....
Hating the platform....knowing I can't go back...
could I really make it to the other side???

It calls to me...the more I see my own selfishness and feel His grace...
I mean I made it this far didn't I......

I feel His grace and feel His call ....
Another step out focused on Him .......
Almost running to Him and there comes a bit of a wobble in the rope...
Can't even see the platform now it is so much safer to go back.....

No I can hear Him calling me I run wildly onto the platform but never quite get my balance so

I end up running wobbly, disappointedly back...to the platform I KNOW.....

Am I supposed to do it slower?
Am I supposed to find a balance with each step??
All I can do for right now is see both the platforms and KNOW in my heart I am supposed to learn....to walk the tightrope to the other side.....