John 9-11

Don't remember where I found *this sometime ago but it has always just touched something deep inside me . I guess the pride against being just a 'sheep'....and now ...well now I count myself lucky to be one.

John 10:2-5;11 2 The man who enters by the gate is the shepherd of his sheep. 3The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. 4 When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. 5 But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a strangers voice……"I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.
*There are a lot of places in Scripture where the Lord compares us with sheep. Sometimes it seems to be His favorite symbol for us. For shepherds, or for a person who is familiar with these animals, this is a very strange but interesting symbol.
Sheep are extremely simple and stupid animals. If a person leaves a sheep in a place, with plenty of grass to eat, the sheep will eat all the grass and stay there in the same place until the person comes back and takes it to another place with more grass. The sheep is actually too stupid to look for it’s own food. Even if there’s more grass close by, it will die of hunger if nobody takes it to more food.
Sheep get lost very easily. They need somebody to care for them constantly or they will get lost and die.
Often, shepherds put different flocks in the same pen for the night. It sounds impossible, but during the night, these different groups of sheep don’t mingle. When morning comes, the various flocks are still separate.
Also during the night, the shepherd sleeps laying across the gate of the pen in order to protect his sheep. No animal can attack the sheep without passing over the shepherd.
Something else that is interesting is that when the shepherd arrives and calls his sheep in the morning, only the sheep of his flock will come to him, because they recognize his voice. Incredibly, all the sheep recognize the voice of their shepherd, and even though they don’t know where they’re going, they follow him.
So what does God want to tell us with this comparison. He calls us sheep many times. That tells me that even though we think of ourselves as being intelligent, responsible and having a lot of wisdom and understanding, we are really ignorant and stupid before the eyes of the Lord. We don’t even know which food will nourish us, much less how to find it. God, our shepherd, has to guide us to our spiritual food. We get lost very easily and we can’t find our way back alone. God is always the one who looks for us and guides us.
This analogy also shows that God loves us intimately. A shepherd must care for his sheep 24 hours a day and he can never rest without taking the risk of losing some. God cares for us in the same way. He is always caring for us and protecting us from spiritual and physical dangers. He sleeps across the gate to protect us from wolves. He calls us to follow Him, and recognize His voice and we follow Him. For Christians indwelt with the Holy Spirit, it is easy to distinguish the Lord’s voice from other false voices.
For the man who knows sheep this comparison Jesus made is very revealing of our own character and of the character and personality of God. God is teaching us that He loves us and He cares for us as a shepherd does for his sheep and that we can’t survive without Him. Be the sheep……He loves you and cares for you more than anyone
Can't imagine being on here much for the next couple of weeks so wanted to take this opportunity to wish you a very Merry Christmas, one filled with moments of seeing His blessings in YOUR lives however they come. And praying for all to in 2008 follow Him with all the love He gives. Thanks for all you have taught me and continue to teach me in your journeys and I thank God for allowing us to find each other here. In Christ and journeying to follow Him with you...becky

John 8-9

*It takes strength to be firm, It takes courage to be gentle. *It takes strength to conquer, It takes courage to surrender. *It takes strength to be certain, It takes courage to have doubt.*It takes strength to fit in,It takes courage to stand out. *It takes strength to feel a friend's pain, It takes courage to feel your own pain. *It takes strength to endure abuse, It takes courage to stop it.* It takes strength to stand alone, It takes courage to lean on another. *It takes strength to love, It takes courage to be loved. *It takes strength to survive, It takes courage to live.
Author Unknown Barbara posted this.
BTW I am so excited I get to meet her in February!!!!

This was good to read, one of those moments where you are so glad that someone knows how to put your feelings into words. Thanks B for being a blogging friend who constantly encourages and challenges me.

John 8: 12 When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."12 When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

John 5-6

There is a piece of me that longs for perfection. In recognizing my lack of perfection I settle into self contempt, seeing nothing but my incapabilities, my failings, my lack of…….in self contempt sometimes I see Christ and what He desires to do in me, but mostly I see what I am not. So when seeing what I am not takes me to a dependence on Christ, well that’s good….but Gary Thomas wisely says in Sacred Marriage ‘to have contempt for contempt’…I don’t know how to function without first taking on all blame and making every flippin thing about me….So there it is the truth of my sin (surprising me yet again) …..I make everything about me.

Jeff said yesterday “in my humble opinion...what i do is much more important than what i believe.i can believe that electricity lights up my house. but if i do not turn on the switch, i sit in the dark.”

And today Jesus says….. John 5: 1 Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for a feast of the Jews. 2 Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. 3 Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. 5 One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. 6 When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, "Do you want to get well?"
7 "Sir," the invalid replied, "I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me."
8 Then Jesus said to him, "Get up! Pick up your mat and walk." 9 At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked.
The day on which this took place was a Sabbath, 10 and so the Jews said to the man who had been healed, "It is the Sabbath; the law forbids you to carry your mat."
11 But he replied, "The man who made me well said to me, 'Pick up your mat and walk.' "
12 So they asked him, "Who is this fellow who told you to pick it up and walk?"
13 The man who was healed had no idea who it was, for Jesus had slipped away into the crowd that was there.
14 Later Jesus found him at the temple and said to him, "See, you are well again. Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you." 15 The man went away and told the Jews that it was Jesus who had made him well.

So thanks Jeff gonna walk where He leads....THANKS!

John 2-4

John 3: 16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. 18 Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son. 19 This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. 20 Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. 21 But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God."

To live in the believing of this……so confident, so fearful, so convinced, so awed, so....…….a Christmas season of all who believe loving and serving and……because of what we believe……

Hebrews 12-13; Jude

Hebrews 5-8

Hebrews 6: 7 Land that drinks in the rain often falling on it and that produces a crop useful to those for whom it is farmed receives the blessing of God. 8 But land that produces thorns and thistles is worthless and is in danger of being cursed. In the end it will be burned.
9 Even though we speak like this, dear friends, we are confident of better things in your case—things that accompany salvation. 10 God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. 11We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, in order to make your hope sure. 12 We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.

I am blessed and forget it. In the forgetting I get lost, in the turning back there is so much GRACE. I pray to live in the seeing instead of in the darkness forgetting brings. I pray to see the Hope in every new day.

It’s a girl, her name is Millie Hope and to my kids the *HOPE in the middle, is intentional and meaningful......


*Healing is not the resolution of our past; it is the use of our past to draw us into deeper relationship with God and his purposes for our lives. We don’t have to be held captive by the hurts of our past. We can move from feelings of powerlessness, betrayal, and ambivalence into faith, hope and love. The Healing Path takes us beyond self-discovery to God-discovery, giving us the tools to excavate the riches that lay beneath the surface of our pain. If you’re ready to use the experiences of the past and present to shape a future characterized by love, service, and joy, now is the time to step out onto The Healing Path.
The Healing Path by Dan Allender

Jesus Creed

check him out.

Baby coming (Yeah)
Ice storm coming (hope after everyone makes it safely to hospital)
I don't have my tree up nor the desire to do it......

Colossians 1-4

There is much pain surrounding us...within us.....for this reason I for the glory of God and the benefit of others HAVE to focus on Him and His word.....

Colossian 1: 9 For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. 10 And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, 11 being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully 12 giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. 13 For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, 14 in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
Really all of Colossians today got deeply into my heart, sitting in my chair with my husband...not wanting to go into the world.....For Will and Brenda and Don and a myriad of others that He knows even if we don't.

Philippians 1-4

Philippians 2: 12 Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, 13 for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.
Philippians 3: 12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
15 All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. 16 Only let us live up to what we have already attained.
17 Join with others in following my example, brothers, and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you. 18 For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. 19 Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. 20 But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21 who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.
Philippians 4: 4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.


Followers of Christ if we were this….would we not be attracting people to Him? And it won’t be because we DO IT but because He does it through us. I don’t remember this but when I do I am softer, less demanding. I go back to Jeff’s prayer .

Help me to be a man after your own heart.Allow me see life through your eyes today. Please give me ears to hear. Show me where to walk. Right where you would.Teach me the best way to comfort those who are hurting and alone. Direct my attention to the downtrodden, so that I can love them and serve them with abandon.

Remind me today (and every day) that it’s all about Jesus.Simple as that.

Because when I get that, I relax.I’m easier to be around, and I love better.The trivial starts to fade away.I worry less.I obsess less.I complain less.

Help me to be the Church; without judgment, criticism or hypocrisy.Make me more forgiving.More graceful.A better listener.A better friend.Allow my rhythm to be slower; my pace, enviable.Remind me that in your eyes, the playing field is leveled. I’m not the star. I’m only as loved as the next one. But oh, how loved I am. Amen.

The less I know (and believe me I thought I KNEW a whole lot) the more I seek Him….the more I seek Him the more I WANT Him…..and in the wanting Him ….well we’ll see the next time I forget or get scared or just start wanting what I want…….and the thing is His Grace will always be there, He never lets go…….
Psalm 46:10 'be still and know that I AM GOD…..

Ephesians 1-4

Can’t get past the idea of the wind constantly blowing …..
Jeff’s comment ‘that what is unseen is scary stuff’ ……
hearing ‘be still’……
reading and praying this morning the whole of the Ephesian 1-4 for my blogging buddies…..
wishing we could encourage each other with more than cyber words and then it hits me just how very powerful prayers are …..especially these.

You have impacted my journey deeply and I believe you have impacted others.......


Also....last nite my husband and I watched the movie First Knight and this one scene just really caught me. It is right after Lancelot has run the gauntlet, succeeding where so many before him have failed and King Arthur asks him 'how?'...Lancelot replies that in fear many turn back when perhaps the better thing is to go forward.....I am always about turning back, running away...maybe beginning to learn to 'go forward'...?

My friends and I live in fear….Last week reading about Peter’s walking on water with Jesus….
Matthew 14: 22 Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. 23 After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, 24 but the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.
25 During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26 When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.
27 But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."
28"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."
29"Come," he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"
31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"
32 And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33 Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."
34 When they had crossed over, they landed at Gennesaret. 35 And when the men of that place recognized Jesus, they sent word to all the surrounding country. People brought all their sick to him 36 and begged him to let the sick just touch the edge of his cloak, and all who touched him were healed.

This is after the miracle of the loaves and fishes…Jesus sends his disciples away and he goes to pray. And on the boat buffeted by the wind he approaches walking on the water and Peter asks to walk to him and he does so until ‘he sees the wind’….

It was always blowing but when his eyes were on Jesus he didn’t see it, he trusted his protection and got out on the water and walked….we are always buffeted by the wind….this world is full of ‘wind’…I doubt it ever stops blowing…..looking to our Jesus we only see Him……I pray for all of us in the wind…

There is much in my mind and heart. Much I walk around with and don’t know what to do with and much I want to do this or that with and much that takes me deeper and deeper in and towards following Christ.
I desire to be wise.
I desire to walk with people and share who You are.
I think I am supposed to quietly learn to follow.
So I going to log off for awhile and see how living without spouting off here goes. See if I can learn to just hold You in my heart and walk and talk and live and love focused on You by myself……I blog because I have so many thoughts I want to share but I wonder if I need to keep these thoughts in my heart .

Matthew 5-7

All I know is it sucks and not in any kind of way I can explain to anyone else and that to me makes it feel like I am some kind of a freak ……
dying to self what a concept?
And yet maybe it’s more than a concept and the sooner I wrap my brain around my incapability to explain or romanticize it the sooner I surrender into it??
And not surrender to it to make my life easier….
see I don’t know.
Jeff this morning writes and sees or I read it like …..

it sucks……
but oh how amazing is His grace and I want more and more of that……..

and the whole of Matthew today.......
He knows us so well and IF I would just trust THAT knowing and quit needing to KNOW anything else.

2 Corinthians 3 – 6

If Yours weren’t NEW every morning, I would be stuck MORE than I already find myself. Stuck without seeing that needing keeps me from giving, feeling let down from seeing how many I let down, feeling bound and not living in the freedom I have.....Going to revisit Jeff’s prayer…..

God, I have trouble focusing. My head is all scrambled.It is because of this that I write. Somehow, here, I am at peace. Some window is opened, and words are released. I can concentrate. So, I offer these words as a prayer:

Help me to be a man (woman) after your own heart. Allow me to see life through your eyes today. Please give me ears to hear. Show me where to walk. Right where you would. Teach me the best way to comfort those who are hurting and alone. Direct my attention to the downtrodden, so that I can love them and serve them with abandon. Remind me today (and every day) that it’s all about Jesus. Simple as that.

Because when I get that, I relax. I’m easier to be around, and I love better.The trivial starts to fade away. I worry less. I obsess less. I complain less. Help me to be the Church; without judgment, criticism or hypocrisy. Make me more forgiving. More graceful. A better listener. A better friend. Allow my rhythm to be slower; my pace, enviable. Remind me that in your eyes, the playing field is leveled. I’m not the star. I’m only as loved as the next one. But oh, how loved I am. Amen

2 Corinthians 3 :1 Are we beginning to commend ourselves again? Or do we need, like some people, letters of recommendation to you or from you? 2 You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everybody. 3 You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.
4 Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. 5Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. 6He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.

16 But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. 17Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
2 Corinthians 4: 16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
There’s much more in here for me today and I would imagine any of us who walk the tightrope of living a life of faith….so today I am going to pray to be centered in You and in experiencing that centeredness that surrender remember...….and believe that what You say is true.

Job 41 & 42; 2 Corinthians 1 & 2

To be or not to be THAT is the question.

Shakespeare was so right and funnier than I ever thought. Ok maybe not HA HA funny ….but in a ‘damn he knew what he was talking about ‘…funny. Do we be who YOU made us to be or do we constantly strive to BE who we think YOU want us to be? The loving part, how do we do that when all we want IS love? The extending GRACE part when we live NEEDING it?

I know the answer is as conduits to...of the love and grace YOU offer, receiving all the time THAT which is just showered on and over us ridiculously. But you know what……that’s just HARD…understatement of the year right? And YOU never promised us easy…….so to not succumb to all that I WANT to do and just trust that IF I live listening to and seeking YOU…..You’ll guide us in and through to where YOU want us…
Job endured all he endured pre Saviour Christ. He experienced God in ways I’m not sure I would even desire to and God well... God is God and we need to become more than OK with that. Job did.

The God of All Comfort
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5 For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
8 We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. 9 Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. 10 He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, 11 as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.

Psalm 149; 1 Corinthians 15 & 16

1 Corinthians 15: 58 Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
1 Corinthians 16: 13 Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. 14 Do everything in love.

Standing firm….even when the tightrope is shaking unbelievably….trusting that one small step in His direction is better than running back and starting all over again….trusting that I can always run back and start over especially if my balance was wrong to start…..

Job 39 & 40; 1 Corinthians 13 & 14

Job 14: 3 Then Job answered the LORD :
4 "I am unworthy—how can I reply to you?

I put my hand over my mouth.
5 I spoke once, but I have no answer—

twice, but I will say no more."

Job who begged for an audience with God, who claimed pure conscience and motives.

1 Corinthians 14: 1 Follow the way of love and eagerly desire spiritual gifts, especially the gift of prophecy. 2 For anyone who speaks in a tongue does not speak to men but to God. Indeed, no one understands him; he utters mysteries with his spirit 3 But everyone who prophesies speaks to men for their strengthening, encouragement and comfort.
last Thursday…… to validate without needing validation

to encourage without needing encouragement

to love without needing love

I am not saying I have any kind of giftedness in prophecy, heck I don’t even understand it and yet this combined with todays reading....……a tight rope, always a tightrope....

from google images

And you know what in this picture when you fall it's into a pool of falls my first vision of GRACE so to keep walking is the challenge and not be afraid of falling.......

Job 37 & 38; 1 Corinthians 12

I want so badly to FIX stuff for people. I don’t think it’s that I want to fix people any longer but IF there is something I can DO for them to fix……..I say pointing people to God is enough but still and all I get in the way instead of just listening and BEING with them in their crap I want to FIX it. I don’t know that this is a bad thing but definitely something I am looking at……WHY do I think I can fix stuff? Do I want to fix stuff for them or because it makes me feel better?

A life in Christ is about thinking about stuff that I never gave any thought to before. A life in Christ is about in the looking listening and learning and perhaps choosing differently. A life in Christ is about being human…..and….and what? A life in Christ is about walking a tight rope all the time, a tension tight rope and remembering that it’s not in the middle where I am to live but in the seeking to get to the other side.

Job 37: 5 God's voice thunders in marvelous ways; he does great things beyond our understanding.
1 Corinthians 12: 14 Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. 15 If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. 16 And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? 18 But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. 19 If they were all one part, where would the body be? 20 As it is, there are many parts, but one body. 21 The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" 22 On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, 24 while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, 25 so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. 26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. 27 Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

Job 34; 1 Corinthians 4-6

Paul writes so authoritatively in the book of Corinthians. So passionately about stuff that is so hard to hear. What to do with it now?

1 Corinthians 4: 12 We work hard with our own hands. When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it; 13 when we are slandered, we answer kindly. Up to this moment we have become the scum of the earth, the refuse of the world.
To as a believer, follower of Christ be subjected to such…. are there those now who are? Is that what keeps me from wanting what YOU want more than anything. That whole wanting to be ‘well thought of’ by people instead of focusing totally and compeletly on you? To be thought of as the refuse of the world, well I wouldn’t allow that would I? .... that I won’t keeps me from fully and completely following You? Would it, does it happen now? Are any of us so sold out for Jesus as to be counted here? What’s changed?
1 Corinthians 6: 6 But instead, one brother goes to law against another—and this in front of unbelievers! 7 The very fact that you have lawsuits among you means you have been completely defeated already. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated? 8Instead, you yourselves cheat and do wrong, and you do this to your brothers.

Lawyers are a part of life, why not rather be wronged….would I allow that? Now I have never yet had occasion to hire a lawyer but would I?

It is just all so hard to hear and what to do with the hearing of it and not my place to tell anyone else but for me should the occasion arise would I simply NOT hire a lawyer and allow myself to be wronged??

But we never have clear consciences…Paul claims as did Job to be clear of conscience, telling me they are closer to God than I can ever hope to be or that in coming close to God, seeking to follow Christ we become more in touch with our inner selves and that ‘in touch’ we come closer to having that clear conscience?
To want what God wants more than anything…….that this is so tough to read and apply to my life means I still want what I want and yet desiring to apply it will bring me more in touch with choosing, knowing everything is a choice and choosing counterintuitively?

Job 33; 1 Corinthians 1-3

to validate without needing validation
to encourage without needing encouragement
to love without needing love

I literally heard this yesterday or a variance of it as I was feeling sorry for myself needing validation, encouragement and love.

Learning and yearning to know what a life of service is like, for me this is a piece of it and maybe the whole thing.

The readings today speaks volumes and yet not what I want to hear, not what I can fully understand. But the understanding I do have, receive... this morning drives me to tears and further on. When really, to run away FEELS best. So my prayer today is for us who believe, who hear, who seek.... to be driven further on trusting Him and only Him.

1 Cor. 2: 12 We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us.

She lives so far away. We had a great time.

Psalm 121; Mark 9 & 10

Leaving for Los Angeles this afternoon, to see my daughter. Excited and at the same time hating to leave the familiar, the love that surrounds me here. Sat with a bunch of women this morning and talked about what Christ is to us. I of course get all passionate and probly as per usual steam roll a particular woman whom I love but don’t show in the ways she receives.

I wonder how many times that happens?

I get all wrapped up in me and forget them? More times than I care to admit and yet IF I don’t continue to look at the way I LOVE I am not listening to Him. Funny (not really) I spend so much of my time worrying about being loved and then this slight inclination to His way and I more than ever before worry about loving…..
Mark 10: 21 Jesus looked him hard in the eye—and loved him! He said, "There's one thing left: Go sell whatever you own and give it to the poor. All your wealth will then be heavenly wealth. And come follow me."
22The man's face clouded over. This was the last thing he expected to hear, and he walked off with a heavy heart. He was holding on tight to a lot of things, and not about to let go.

He knows our hearts, what that last thing is we expect to hear. He loves us and calls us to Himself.

This song, I woke up to it this morning, it's on my mind.....go and have a listen and here are the lyrics:

Have you ever heard a love song, That set your spirit free?

Have you ever watched a sunrise, And felt you could not breathe?

What if it's Him? What if it's God speaking?

Have you ever cried a tear that You could not explain?

Have you ever met a stranger Who already knew your name?

What if it's Him? What if it's God speaking?

Who knows how He'll get ahold of us? Get our attention to prove He is enough.

He'll do, and He'll use whatever He wants to.

To tell us, I Love You.

Have you ever lost a loved one Who you thought should still be here?

Do you know what it feels like to be tangled up in fear?

What if He's somehow involved? What if He's speaking through it all?

Who knows how He'll get ahold of us? Get our attention to prove he is enough.

He'll do and He'll use whatever He wants to To tell us, I love you.

His ways are higher yeah His ways are better and though sometimes strange.... What could be stranger than God in a manger?

ooh yeah yeah yeahhh Who knows how He'll get ahold of us?

Get our attention to prove He is enough. Who knows how He'll get ahold of you?

Get your attention to prove he is enough. He'll do and He'll use whatever He wants to,

To tell us I love you God is speaking, I love you ohhh yeahh

God Speaking Ronnie Freeman

Job 22; Mark 7 & 8

I asked rhetorical questions yesterday and was asked back my answer to them. What does following Christ look like to me, what does living and breathing Jesus look like to me?
It’s about waking up in the morning with a song literally in my heart, one that points me to a day of living in a knowledge of Him that is relatively new to me and if not new then so old as to have been ignored.
It’s about seeing my heart as disobedient and yet feeling this pull always to learn what obedience is.
It’s about in that obedience finding out it’s about loving when I would rather self protect and while I usually still self protect , quickly feeling the sting of what that does to me and in the situation I have chosen to self protect in.
It’s about more and more realizing how wrong I am and accepting GRACE in that realization and in that GRACE weird as it is moving forward when my instinct is to retreat and ….
It’s about seeing all this and in the seeing realizing that it’s Him and has been Him forever and will continue to be Him….and maybe someday when I least expect it I will trust Him and ……….

Mark 8: 11 The Pharisees came and began to question Jesus. To test him, they asked him for a sign from heaven. 12 He sighed deeply and said, "Why does this generation ask for a miraculous sign? I tell you the truth, no sign will be given to it." 13 Then he left them, got back into the boat and crossed to the other side.

I am a Pharisee, I know it the truth/Him and trust it the truth/Him very little. I know who He is and trust Him like someone who doesn’t…….Please I don’t want to remain a Pharisee.

Job 21: Mark 5 & 6

I had breakfast with a gal this morning who comes from a pretty I am thinking charismatic church experience. She has amazing insight and wisdom and a soft seeking heart or so it seems to me.( I gauge this as we are able to talk about anything and often do so with tears in our eyes. I'm not saying that is a correct guage to use, what is a soft heart to you?)
We talked about a lot of stuff and came back always to a sense of not knowing anything for sure anymore save for Jesus died for us.
She referenced at the height of her devotion how she downsized her job, was driving a hundred miles to do prison ministry and did a lot of other stuff that sounded pretty remarkable.
But when her church split she stopped..... and her daughter remembered this period of time as ‘not fun’.
She referred to that period of time as living and breathing for Jesus. ....
It seemed to me and I mentioned to her that IF she stopped at the time of the church split, it wasn’t about Jesus....?....
Making me ask this morning what does living and breathing for Jesus look like?
Are we, as fallen and self protective people even able to? consistently?
And IF we could what would it look like?
I wonder if we in our self protective methods of operations still just have hard hearts??
I wonder how long it takes to completely soften / transform and I guess maybe not this side of heaven????....
But we recognize the hardening quicker and turn back sooner……???
image from www.harbenpictures
Jesus Walks on the Water
45 Immediately Jesus made his disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to Bethsaida, while he dismissed the crowd. 46 After leaving them, he went up on a mountainside to pray.
47When evening came, the boat was in the middle of the lake, and he was alone on land. 48 He saw the disciples straining at the oars, because the wind was against them. About the fourth watch of the night he went out to them, walking on the lake. He was about to pass by them, 49 but when they saw him walking on the lake, they thought he was a ghost. They cried out, 50 because they all saw him and were terrified.
Immediately he spoke to them and said, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." 51 Then he climbed into the boat with them, and the wind died down. They were completely amazed, 52 for they had not understood about the loaves; their hearts were hardened.

..."ok God, you do what only you can do and I commit to doing my part...whatever that is...I want to do it"..... from http://evidence-of-grace.blogspot.com/

This was a weekend full up with blessings and service. I was going to say service first and tell how my back hurt but it was more about the blessings than being about service..I think….
Friday we prepared breakfast for Saturday and attempted to cut 1000 apples for Sunday. Saturday we went to a small church in Kansas City, Kansas an all black church and served them breakfast and they blessed us with being able to worship with them. I have never been a part of anything so all out spiritual…..they worship with voices and body and words and music and there were no inhibitions no caring what the person next to them was doing. They ‘praise Jesus’ whenever it hits them. There is no polite applause after listening there is praising God while listening. It was so foreign to me and in my head there was much confusion and then all of a sudden there were these tears and I didn’t know what to do with them. Was it the spirit of God JUST in this little building or was it my surrender to the God who is always here?

I sometimes feel so lonely in the midst of the biggest crowd. To believe in something so huge…..to desire to live so differently….to fail so repeatedly…..and yet to preservere……

Job 17; Acts 24-26

Acts 26: 19"So then, King Agrippa, I was not disobedient to the vision from heaven. 20First to those in Damascus, then to those in Jerusalem and in all Judea, and to the Gentiles also, I preached that they should repent and turn to God and prove their repentance by their deeds. 21That is why the Jews seized me in the temple courts and tried to kill me. 22But I have had God's help to this very day, and so I stand here and testify to small and great alike. I am saying nothing beyond what the prophets and Moses said would happen— 23that the Christ would suffer and, as the first to rise from the dead, would proclaim light to his own people and to the Gentiles."
24 At this point Festus interrupted Paul's defense. "You are out of your mind, Paul!" he shouted. "Your great learning is driving you insane."

I remember apologizing for my new found passion which came across as condesending and I imagine even a bit mean (I am even more sorry as I write this for that inability to process something so life changing as anything but softening.BUT I had no desire then to BE soft. I wanted to be commended and well thought of) to my Dad and his looking at me and asking me if I were perhaps
'insane'.
Don't know why I relate this story other than every time I read this passage I get a strange kind of comfort.

I may move this to my side bar I like it so well....the Bible as scandalous....

“Only by giving the Bible a devotional spin when we read it, by taking isolated verses out of context and ignoring the raw whole, by filtering and interpreting, do we “civilize” it. Civilized, the Bible has become a devotional prop of middle class values instead of being the rude challenge to false propriety it actually is. The Bible is a dangerous, uncivilized, abrasive, raw, complicated, aggressive, scandalous, and offensive book.
“The Bible is the literature of God, and literature, as every book burner knows, is dangerous. The Bible is the drama of God; it is God’s Hamlet, Canterburty Tales, and Wuthering Heights. The Bible is, among other things, about God, men, women, sex, lies, truth, sin, goodness, fornication, adultery, murder, childbearing, virgins, whores, blasphemy, prayer, wine, food, history, nature, poetry, rape, love, salvation, damnation, temptation, and angels. Today the Bible is widely studied but rarely read. If the Bible were a film, it would be R-rated in some parts, X-rated in others. The Bible is not middle-class. The Bible is not “nice.” The Bible’s tone is closer to that of the late Lenny Bruce than to that of the hushed piety of some ministers.
“In some centuries, the church did not allow the common people to read the Bible. Now by spiritualizing it and taming it through devotional and tehological interpretations, the church once again muzzles the book in a “damage control” excercise. We now study the Bible, but through a filter of piety that castrates its virility.” Franky Schaeffer
—from googleimages.com

Job 16; Acts 21 - 23

Worship

Main Entry:
1 wor·ship
Pronunciation:
\ˈwər-shəp also ˈwȯr-\
Function:
noun
Etymology:
Middle English worshipe worthiness, respect, reverence paid to a divine being, from Old English weorthscipe worthiness, respect, from weorth worthy, worth + -scipe -ship
Date:
before 12th century
1chiefly British : a person of importance —used as a title for various officials (as magistrates and some mayors)2: reverence offered a divine being or supernatural power; also : an act of expressing such reverence3: a form of religious practice with its creed and ritual4: extravagant respect or admiration for or devotion to an object of esteem

Just something I am thinking about. When I worship, is it because of what He’s done or because of who He is? What or how would I change IF it was simply because of who He is?

So Job and Paul……worship for who You are or what You did?

I gotta believe in the midst of such stuff as I can only imagine it was for who they KNEW YOU TO BE……

The tension of how to praise and worship You and not be thought of …….dang…WHY do I continue to care what others think……tension….

Job 15; Acts 19 & 20

A group of 11 from my church and 17 from 2 other churches are flying right now to South Africa, specifically to land eventually in the village of Bhukwini. I would ask your prayers for them and the organization being developed to help the villagers through an entire strategy and all the organizations out there that do much MORE than talk about things. I hope and pray that is a place God is taking me and somedays I actually believe that the lethargy with which I have experienced or approached things/situations in the past is being replaced by a ‘call ‘ to action. I wonder if the lethargy simply and completely masked a jealousy of those who move….Until then though I do pray for all those who answer higher callings and DO amazing things to advance causes or get right down in the trenches and help people. It is daunting to think about and yet inexcusable for me now to NOT think about it. Go here again today or explore the links at Lubabalo or go to...(I could list off pages of organizations looking for volunteers or financial help) and see what what you can do NOW.

Acts 20: 19 I served the Lord with great humility and with tears, although I was severely tested by the plots of the Jews. 20 You know that I have not hesitated to preach anything that would be helpful to you but have taught you publicly and from house to house. 21 I have declared to both Jews and Greeks that they must turn to God in repentance and have faith in our Lord Jesus.
22 "And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there. 23 I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. 24 However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.

I don’t have a clue about that kind of life. But then look at Paul, until God struck him blind did he? A life saved from where we stubbornly head by a God who sees ahead of us. A life lived in gratitude for that saving and in the gratitude grows a love that we never knew. He is ahead and behind and I pray for the wisdom, the perserverance, the obedience to complete the task He has given me…testifying to the gospel of God’s grace. I wonder if it is really that simple?

Job 13 & 14; Acts 17& 18

Ranted yesterday about the Bible….hey it’s my blog I can rant if I want to right?? Don’t have any kind of balance at relating how I feel about something , without waiting to say something until I bust, like a volcano or blow everyone over with my emotions like an open fire hose. The passion that rises up in me scares me the wake it has left / leaves, and that’s passion which is from Him....what about the hard hearted and unaware wake I leave?? (ouch)

Ouch…..Acts 17: 21 (All the Athenians and the foreigners who lived there spent their time doing nothing but talking about and listening to the latest ideas.) Here's someone with a place / ideas...to maybe do more than ...nothing...

And the whole following passage……Acts 17:22 Paul then stood up in the meeting of the Areopagus and said: "Men of Athens! I see that in every way you are very religious. 23 For as I walked around and looked carefully at your objects of worship, I even found an altar with this inscription: TO AN UNKNOWN GOD. Now what you worship as something unknown I am going to proclaim to you.
24"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. 25 And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. 26 From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. 27 God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. 28 'For in him we live and move and have our being.' As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.'
29"Therefore since we are God's offspring, we should not think that the divine being is like gold or silver or stone—an image made by man's design and skill. 30 In the past God overlooked such ignorance, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent. 31 For he has set a day when he will judge the world with justice by the man he has appointed. He has given proof of this to all men by raising him from the dead."
32 When they heard about the resurrection of the dead, some of them sneered, but others said, "We want to hear you again on this subject." 33 At that, Paul left the Council. 34 A few men became followers of Paul and believed. Among them was Dionysius, a member of the Areopagus, also a woman named Damaris, and a number of others.

It’s about a journey, a learning to seek outside of ourselves while taking an internal look that, without Christ scares the hell out of you or completely defeats you. What does that first step look like for people?? For me it was realizing the religion I had wasn't filling the hole....taking what I learned in and from the religion....recognizing that there was a hole and how I sought to fill it and looking deeper and further from what I knew into .....a whole lot of stuff I didn't know, admitting I didn't know and quieting everything that came up in me with that admission....wanting to hear more on the subject...and then....well....

It’s about we who know, have found, have been found living in the security of that and growing there becoming more and more outer focused and loving…less self protective and confident in Him who protects us …..it’s about a journey and keeping the end in mind choosing every moment to believe in that which is pretty unbelievable. That He could love us THAT much.

A good friend just emailed me : Becky, How do you know God loves you? Do you experience it or just believe it?

I started about 6-7 years ago wanting an 'experience' like my friend Mardy who said she 'actually felt Jesus arms wrapped around her'…so I started like I said about 5-7 years ago maybe wanting to be held in His lap....It never happened….but in seeking that I got to the place where I KNEW/KNOW He loved me

When Dara was almost hospitalized w/depression, I was told I couldn't give away what I didn't have…….I wanted it for her and IF I had to have it first then……

I don't know / remember if they were at the same time or which came first but in those experiences a seeking heart was born and I really believe a seeking heart HE NEVER DENIES….

Does that answer your question….and THANK YOU for the blessing of being asked and having to TRY to put it into words…..

Dan’s brother is out of the hospital (and doing well btw) and Dan is driving at this moment to spend some time with him in Colorado…I am praying that Dan in these 11 hours in the car is just with God and that from that time spent he just IS with Tim. There are things I so wish I could express and that I can’t frustrates me and then I have to be careful that THAT very frustration doesn’t grow into a full blown FIT. This week in prayer, I was mostly hard hearted…..I know because of how it broke Sunday morning….I wish I knew when it was hardening or knew what to do or did what I am supposed to do to stay soft and….but I didn’t or don’t or won’t….. Wanting what I want over and over and……it becomes so strong and yet I don’t realize that (??) and even in prayer I am demanding God to do what I want and forgetting to TRUST what He wants….I don’t do that naturally, TRUST…..I think I yearn to naturally, but what I do is demand .

Hybels confesses:
We made a mistake. What we should have done when people crossed the line of faith and become Christians, we should have started telling people and teaching people that they have to take responsibility to become ‘self feeders.’ We should have gotten people, taught people, how to read their bible between service, how to do the spiritual practices much more aggressively on their own.

This just grows my respect for Bill Hybles, which was already there. His vision and passion for lost people is what directed / inspired Roy Moran and his wife Candy to create Shoal Creek where I found, was led to, had revealed to me…I don’t know how to describe undertaking a journey of epic proportions and a relationship with Jesus, before unknown to me. It came and grew because they followed, Roy led….. where Wayne Cordeiro was also leading, creating a reading plan that allowed us to read the bible together and taught us to journal through our thoughts ….I love the Bible and say that reading it has changed my heart in ways I’m not even yet in touch with. The Bible is for all practical purposes to my mind is the only way we have now to know who God is. I know we as believers and followers of Christ have the Holy Spirit and I am coming to love and trust that voice in me but not always. I am first and foremost about me and that THAT is forgiven staggers me most days, but the thing is most days I am not looking at and seeing that penchant for what it is and accepting that forgiveness….

I love that even hard hearted He spoke to me and it broke my heart and in that breaking there is ever more desire to be in the Bible. One of the biggest blessing in my life is that I share this love and desire with my husband…..we don’t always get the same thingswe don’t always get to share what we do get, what we are wrestling with…but that we have this between us has grown our love for each other and others and leading us to the ‘all others’ piece…..I really believe that.

So I will continue to read and share what touches me here and pray for more and more to fall deeply in love with this book… Because I believe that the more people fall in love with it, what it says, the more it transforms us and the more we are transformed the more He can do in and through us because the transformation is nothing but LOVE….

This weekend as my BIL experienced emergency brain surgery I found myself preaching a patience in the waiting...
In having another SIL and her husband, both mentally challenged here as we waited to hear and trying our best to serve them in the waiting…to model to them praying instead of worrying...to help them understand……..to love them and celebrate them when we pretty were impatiently wanting the weekend to ourselves…..
In not being close enough to KNOW everything that was going on…and not obedient enough to do what we could do…..and looking at myself instead of preaching it to others, I see over and over THAT very impatience. So I am going to spend a week in prayer…in listening……in Thanking Him instead of badgering Him…at least that is my intent. It’s hard to wait……..it’s hard to humble myself to simply and completely waiting….to listening.

Nehemiah 7-8; Acts 1

Acts 1: 24 Then they prayed, "Lord, you know everyone's heart........"