Zechariah 1- 3; Luke 11

Who was Zechariah:
a priest and a prophet
instrumental in inspiring his fellow Jews to rebuild the Temple
means "Yah has remembered”
11th book of the twelve minor began prophesying during the same year as the prophet Haggai prophecies came from visions that showed God's power, God's judgment of sin, the importance of spiritual strength, and the promise of things to come, including the promise of the Messiah
concerned about the religious purity of the people and the morale of Jerusalem's leaders. To that end he attempted to inspire them

So he was in tune with God and wanted to inspire others. I think that is secretly or not so secretly what I want to be..... an inspiration to guide, point, INSPIRE people to seek YOU for themselves.

The journey is so worth taking, the humility though momentarily painful and for me repetively so…. .....BUT in the humbling YOU hold me, anyone who truly seeks YOU for YOU, not for appreciation or success or ……..whatever (we can't hide it..... YOU know it’s in there)….the humbling takes you to places you could never go on your own.

The point of the journey is to want what God wants MORE THAN ANYTHING.

In admitting to You repeatedly my …........or is it YOU revealing to me my constant desires??? That’s probably closer to true……I didn’t know, couldn’t know how all about me I AM without Your Spirit revealing that to me…..and in the revelation where I expect condemnation is GRACE…over and over again overwhelming GRACE.

Zechariah 1: 1-4 In the eighth month of the second year in the reign of Darius, God's Message came to the prophet Zechariah son of Berechiah, son of Iddo: "God was very angry with your ancestors. So give to the people this Message from God-of-the-Angel-Armies: 'Come back to me and I'll come back to you. Don't be like your parents. The old-time prophets called out to them, "A Message from God-of-the-Angel-Armies: Leave your evil life. Quit your evil practices." But they ignored everything I said to them, stubbornly refused to listen.'
5-6"And where are your ancestors now? Dead and buried. And the prophets who preached to them? Also dead and buried. But the Message that my servants the prophets spoke, that isn't dead and buried. That Message did its work on your ancestors, did it not? It woke them up and they came back, saying, 'He did what he said he would do, sure enough. We didn't get by with a thing.'"

Luke 11: 27 While he was saying these things, some woman lifted her voice above the murmur of the crowd: "Blessed the womb that carried you, and the breasts at which you nursed!"
28 Jesus commented, "Even more blessed are those who hear God's Word and guard it with their lives!"

Even more………simply in the guarding of the Word……..it’s that important?? In order to guard it I have to be seeking it and in the seeking of it in my life I become blessed……WOW…….for a God who owes me nothing that sure sounds like a lot!!!

And then this so simple and believable and real…tears come to my eyes and my heart just swells with believing it….Luke 11: 33-36 "No one lights a lamp, then hides it in a drawer. It's put on a lamp stand so those entering the room have light to see where they're going. Your eye is a lamp, lighting up your whole body. If you live wide-eyed in wonder and belief, your body fills up with light. If you live squinty-eyed in greed and distrust, your body is a dank cellar. Keep your eyes open, your lamp burning, so you don't get musty and murky. Keep your life as well-lighted as your best-lighted room."

The only way to keep my wide eyed wonder is to keep Your Word in my heart….to trust and believe that through IT you are speaking to me……because let’s face it I WANT to be a light pointing people to YOU….

Luke 11: 46 He said, "Yes, and I can be even more explicit. You're hopeless, you religion scholars! You load people down with rules and regulations, nearly breaking their backs, but never lift even a finger to help…..

IT'S NOT ABOUT RELIGION……be it Emergent or Christian or Catholic or Baptist or………it’s about Him and His Word……His word keeps us open to Him…….not to read it for legalistic purposes but because it is what HE GAVE US TO KNOW HIM……and through it and HIS SPIRIT guiding us…….all we want to DO is know HIM……..The point of the journey is to want what God wants MORE THAN ANYTHING…..maybe He just wants to be known………and then, well THEN HE takes care of everything else…….but I kinda wonder if knowing HIM may take the rest of my life and right now this moment….that’s worth living for…….

"He swiftly uncovers my tendency to use 'questioning' as a way to avert obeying."...UPRISING


There's much more here......

Ezra 4; Psalm 113 & 127; Luke 9

Luke 9: 23-27 Then he told them what they could expect for themselves: "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat—I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? If any of you is embarrassed with me and the way I'm leading you, know that the Son of Man will be far more embarrassed with you when he arrives in all his splendor in company with the Father and the holy angels. This isn't, you realize, pie in the sky by and by. Some who have taken their stand right here are going to see it happen, see with their own eyes the kingdom of God."



So He tells the boys to be about HIS business…and he’s there to watch and teach and …….41 Jesus said, "What a generation! No sense of God! No focus to your lives! How many times do I have to go over these things? How much longer do I have to put up with this? Bring your son here."

THEY don’t get it, so why should I? They can’t heal or reach or teach people and HE was teaching them, He was with them for crying outloud….why do I think I am supposed to….because…because like them I want to….soooo badly, be about His business….. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you?....so, what is the REAL me???

‘the point of the journey is to want what God wants MORE THAN ANYTHING’….so ….that’s inside of me….deep inside of me covered with the filth of me….covered with the pride I suffer from…covered with the desires for stuff in the here and now is a desire to want what YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING…..a desire waiting for me to live in…….

Ezra 2 - 3; Luke 8

Luke 8: 48 Jesus said, "Daughter, you took a risk trusting me, and now you're healed and whole. Live well, live blessed!"
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results…..

Seeing something this morning…..wanting to NOT look at and yet feeling very compelled to LOOK AT IT…..hearing BE PASSIONATELY PATIENT…..wanting answers NOW…..wanting to know what to DO NOW….wanting and what I need??????
Ezra 3: 3-5 Even though they were afraid of what their non-Israelite neighbors might do, they went ahead anyway and set up the Altar on its foundations and offered Whole-Burnt-Offerings on it morning and evening. They also celebrated the Festival of Booths as prescribed and the daily Whole-Burnt-Offerings set for each day. And they presented the regular Whole-Burnt-Offerings for Sabbaths, New Moons, and God's Holy Festivals, as well as Freewill-Offerings for God.
Luke 8: 10He said, "You've been given insight into God's kingdom—you know how it works. There are others who need stories. But even with stories some of them aren't going to get it:
Their eyes are open but don't see a thing,
Their ears are open but don't hear a thing.
Luke 8: 16-18 "No one lights a lamp and then covers it with a washtub or shoves it under the bed. No, you set it up on a lamp stand so those who enter the room can see their way. We're not keeping secrets; we're telling them. We're not hiding things; we're bringing everything out into the open. So be careful that you don't become misers of what you hear. Generosity begets generosity. Stinginess impoverishes."
Luke 8: 25 Then he said to his disciples, "Why can't you trust me?"
Luke 8: 34-36 Those tending the pigs, scared to death, bolted and told their story in town and country. People went out to see what had happened. They came to Jesus and found the man from whom the demons had been sent, sitting there at Jesus' feet, wearing decent clothes and making sense. It was a holy moment, and for a short time they were more reverent than curious. Then those who had seen it happen told how the demoniac had been saved.
37-39 Later, a great many people from the Gerasene countryside got together and asked Jesus to leave—too much change, too fast, and they were scared. So Jesus got back in the boat and set off. The man whom he had delivered from the demons asked to go with him, but he sent him back, saying, "Go home and tell everything God did in you." So he went back and preached all over town everything Jesus had done in him.

Luke 8: 48 Jesus said, "Daughter, you took a risk trusting me, and now you're healed and whole. Live well, live blessed!"

So to recap….

Fear keeps me, fear of what people will ‘think’ keeps me from simply and completely living in You…???

I may know YOU and in living for and in You ‘feel’ like I am doing right but it is going to be up to You re: everyone else….the people…the people and what they may think of me….(as I was writing that I flashed to the movie Sybil......her fearfully chanting ‘the people, the people'…)

Why don’t I trust You….oh I say I do….I want to….but why….won’t I…don’t I….can’t I????

Why aren’t I more reverent than curious……more obedient than stubborn….more patient than stubborn and impatient…..

Why am I afraid to tell my story….do I BELIEVE I have a story….

I am healed and becoming whole…..why don’t I patiently live like that, without worrying about what people THINK…..

It’s a big fat circle isn’t it, a spiral without end…….I WANT and You are providing me with all that I NEED and what I NEED right now is to live, practice what I preach……

Hey this is my dumping ground….my place to process outloud….to not burden others with the crap that goes on in my head….my heart…..if I didn’t allow myself to be crazy here……the people…the people would really be freaked out…… as it is......noone comments here anymore....not that I NEED approval or affirmation.......but truth is I think I do.......

So much I am learning about myself and while usually I would want to run screaming from the clear picture…..it seems as though that hasn’t worked for 40 some years so why not …..I don’t know LOOKATIT maybe……

Several years ago on our first major trip on a bike I came to realizations about myself that haven’t quite left yet…..so more to learn I guess.

We were riding on a much smaller bike so while I enjoyed it there were things about it that caused….discomfort……After (to my mind and butt) a particularly long day of riding we came to a town at the base of a mountain and all I wanted was a Subway sandwich and a dinky motel room in this dusty little town, the name of which I cannot even recall. My husband on the other hand the driver and controller of this trip saw a sign saying Mt. Wilhelmina Lodge and wanted to summit this particular trip or leg of the trip with this 20 some mile road up the Mountain.

I being stubborn and less than agreeable began to pout……not one to rant and rave and make my wishes known (shouldn’t he sense my discomfort?) so I sat back and pouted. I am not proud of this…..not proud of THIS being how I always act in the face of not getting what I want…..So we began the summit, my husband excited and desiring to share this ride with me and me in my head and heart HARD and pouting….we passed pull off after pull off where my husband wanted me to see where we’d been…to see the scenery……the incredible vistas of mountains and trees and sky and sunset…….it wasn’t until we hit one particular vista….Blue Vista that I even glanced at what he was encouraging me to enjoy with him……I barely looked but what I saw was pretty incredible…..mist and clouds all an incredible shade or shades of BLUE….I wouldn’t let him know I thought it was beautiful and still he took me higher….in reflecting back on this with Dan, it was hard for him…he not only wanted to summit he wanted me to appreciate and enjoy the gift he felt he was giving me……but no….I was still pouting….

At the top…the LODGE was incredible and affordable….I can’t give words to the experience of getting up the next morning and walking with my husband, who forgave my pouting…..through heights and sights and incredible views.

In looking back I see how often I do this to God…never willingly going where He desires to take me……never obedient to what He wants…...Thank God He forgives me as well and perhaps I am learning to push through the tough stuff….learning that what is hard is worth going through to get to where He wants me to go….learning that what I want is so much less than the NEEDS He provides…….

So wants versus needs….I got a lot more to learn….alot more to wrestle with.....

Daniel 5-6; Psalm 130; Luke 3

Life can feel like a roller coaster ride, the chink chink chink of the chains taking you to the very top.....everything coming together and making sense and yet.....at the top.....you don't stay. After getting to the top.....the rush....there is in all likelyhood a big drop coming........PRIDE....will inevitably get in the way and ..

whooooooooooooooooosh.......

back down again......

VACATION..........chink'

I know.....I have learned....that it is in the valleys that I grow......chink'

I know.....I have learned....this is nothing I can or have earned .......chink'

I know......I have learned....there is nothing to be gained by running away.......chink'

I know......I have learned....that all YOU need is me to be available....to be faithful.......chink'

I know......I have learned....I am NEVER alone.......chink'

I know......that after the rain comes the rainbow ...I saw one come in after the rain on the bike on the ride in Colorado, more than once ....so stormy and then there it is the sun and......chink'

I know..... I have learned ....that I get to thinking .....I KNOW too much........ .......

I'm on it though you know, this roller coaster and I can't get off.....to get off would be to miss the life YOU have planned for me....I don't even think I want to get off anymore.....I used to be a quitter...please God I don't want to be any longer.....I think YOU are changing me........

I found this this morning in rereading some of my journals....woke up sour, you know just back from vacation in the routine again...sour.......in reading Daniel seeing that it was his doing what he'd always done in faith.....the king said of his God, of MY God....He is a saviour and a rescuer.

Daniel 6: 25-27 King Darius published this proclamation to every race, color, and creed on earth:
Peace to you! Abundant peace!
I decree that Daniel's God shall be worshiped and feared in all parts of my kingdom.
He is the living God, world without end.
His kingdom never falls. His rule continues eternally.
He is a savior and rescuer.
He performs astonishing miracles in heaven and on earth.
He saved Daniel from the power of the lions

Daniel lived out so faithfully God's plan for his life that an unbeliever ended up Praising God...... God's plan only needs my being available......and then

Luke 3: 7-9 When crowds of people came out for baptism because it was the popular thing to do, John exploded: "Brood of snakes! What do you think you're doing slithering down here to the river? Do you think a little water on your snakeskins is going to deflect God's judgment? It's your life that must change, not your skin. And don't think you can pull rank by claiming Abraham as 'father.' Being a child of Abraham is neither here nor there—children of Abraham are a dime a dozen. God can make children from stones if he wants. What counts is your life. Is it green and blossoming? Because if it's deadwood, it goes on the fire."
10The crowd asked him, "Then what are we supposed to do?"
11"If you have two coats, give one away," he said. "Do the same with your food."

What if you know....what if HIS PLAN is not for me to be wealthy but to be generous??? What if we all as believers followed HIS PLAN........What if I did??

So 3000 miles in 8 days on the back of the bike…..
I bitched and moaned beforehand ….

OH GOD give me a vacation….

oh yeah I can be...I AM that pathetic

I cannot believe how much I focus on what I WANT rather than resting in YOUR provision of what I need…..

I cannot believe how truly blessed I am……

Sitting on the back of the bike I think thoughts…I pray Roman 8:26 prayers…..I wonder and cry… I sing Praise songs…..I seem to in those moments be less about me, because I am on vacation??

I think ….well I THINK many things……

I thought about atheists and Lost People ….I think about the wounds life has left on them…I think how they must self protect….

I think how all He asks is me to love Him and others….all others……He doesn’t ask me to fix anyone…He doesn’t ask me to judge ....in fact He tells me quite clearly to NOT think myself better than anyone….To not worry but to PRAY….
He does say to LOVE OTHERS all others……I think I don’t because I SELF PROTECT and want more from them, want their love before I will love them…???

I think if I truly lived in the KNOWING what I know….

That I am protected if never safe…
That God is in control of everything…….
That I have already received more than I could ever earn or deserve or believe……
That I can’t earn God’s love anymore than I can lose it…..
That a life spent seeking Him is a life of incredible freedom and power and contentment….
That contentment doesn’t mean being LAZY…
That contentment doesn’t mean spiritually satisfied…….
That being spiritually dissatisfied means MOVE towards Him or turn back toward Him or open myself to HIM……

I thought about Lost People a lot….I wondered if the term Lost People is offensive….

I thought about when I was LOST, I didn’t know it….I didn’t want to hear about being LOST….but it didn't make me any less lost....

I thought about convictions without Faith ….you’re simply stubborn…I was…..
But convictions with FAITH has made me softer ....but the softness has brought me more convictions….
I thought about my convictions being based in what I have come to know from reading the Bible…and allowing.....well allowing the Holy Spirit to have free rein in my life.....allowing Christ to become...everything...I thought about how that happened...is happening.....
I thought about the Bible and how much JOY it brings me…
I thought about how that doesn’t make sense…..because I never read the bible and was scared of it and how the fear kept me from reading it and how did I lose the fear??
I thought about how SUPERNATURAL the Bible is….and yet there are people who read and believe and preach the Bible who perhaps have never experienced God or wrestled with Him over something they’ve read.
I thought about how I wrestle with Him.... about everything and how even in the losing I have come to love Him and and and the wrestling and the Bible…….

I also prayed alot of Romans 8:26 prayers....realizing that I don't know as much as I thought I knew.....made trusting the Holy Spirit with my prayers much easier.....so I prayed for alot of you.....Your names just kept coming to my mind and I just thought and prayed and trusted and.....

I thought and prayed.....about a lot and haven’t sorted much of it out ….

But I think I have liked writing it down here…….

So.....what do you KNOW....build your life on....what have YOU been thinking??

Dallas Thoughts......

2 Great articles about Dallas Willard....here and here.......

We're afraid to follow Jesus, because then we'd have to die and rise with him.......... Do we expect a new Christian life will just happen without our having to make inconvenient changes in how we live Monday to Sunday? If so, we are like people who want to be solvent and who also max out their credit cards. Or people who want to be sexually pure and who also bookmark porn sites. Or people who want to speak Japanese without all the tiresome study that's normally required. Here's Willard's devastating summary:
The general human failing is to want what is right and important, but at the same time not to commit to the kind of life that will produce the action we know to be right and the condition we want to enjoy. This is the feature of human character that explains why the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Prescription So what to do?
The first thing to do is to trust our Christian friends who have died with Jesus Christ when they tell us it's going to be okay if we do it, too. This, in my judgment, is one of the greatest services offered to the church by our Christian friend Dallas Willard. He is a brilliant, modest, immensely experienced Christian older brother, calling to us from the Resurrection side of things. His books all call out, in one way or another: Come on over. It's going to be okay to die first. You have to do it, and you can do it. Not even Jesus got a resurrection without a death, and he'll be at your side when you surrender your old life. Trust me on this. If you die with Jesus Christ, God will walk you out of your tomb into a life of incomparable joy and purpose inside his boundless and competent love.

The disciplined life will cost us. But, as Willard notes, the undisciplined life will cost us far more, now and forever.

2 Kings 25; 2 Chronicles 36; Jeremiah 40 & 41; Revelation 12

Closer fellowship with God through dependence on Christ, on the Word…on the Holy Spirit….it’s cool and scary stuff at the same time….scary in that there really is no part of my life I can keep away from HIM and cool that…..well YOU feel Him so interested but then that’s just scary too…….All of it good and bad at the same time…….bad in that my heart hurts a lot and when it does I look at it and when I look at it I see more selfishness in me and yet in the looking is GRACE and…..bad in that maybe that’s good…….???
But see I get to thinking things I’m not sure I really know…I get to thinking I know MORE than I am supposed to know…I get to thinking…maybe the point is I get to thinking TOO MUCH………but ……

2 Chronicles 36: 11-13 Zedekiah was twenty-one years old when he started out as king. He was king in Jerusalem for eleven years. As far as God was concerned, he was just one more evil king; there wasn't a trace of contrition in him when the prophet Jeremiah preached God's word to him. Then he compounded his troubles by rebelling against King Nebuchadnezzar, who earlier had made him swear in God's name that he would be loyal. He became set in his own stubborn ways—he never gave God a thought; repentance never entered his mind.
14 The evil mindset spread to the leaders and priests and filtered down to the people—it kicked off an epidemic of evil, repeating the abominations of the pagans and polluting The Temple of God so recently consecrated in Jerusalem.
15-17 God, the God of their ancestors, repeatedly sent warning messages to them. Out of compassion for both his people and his Temple he wanted to give them every chance possible. But they wouldn't listen; they poked fun at God's messengers, despised the message itself, and in general treated the prophets like idiots. God became more and more angry until there was no turning back—God indiscriminately—and right in The Temple itself; it was a ruthless massacre: young men and virgins, the elderly and weak—they were all the same to him. called in Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon, who came and killed indiscriminately—and right in The Temple itself; it was a ruthless massacre: young men and virgins, the elderly and weak—they were all the same to him.

Set in my own stubborn ways….. never giving a thought to God and repentance… You could have said that about me before it never entered my mind, what did I have to repent of…??…. …before……before…making a decision to invite Christ into my heart….before making a decision that I was going to live a life of faith…before letting the Holy Spirit roam around every part of my life and before I was willing to listen to what He might point out to me…before…….and now the cool and scary part of HE has wanted to BE in every part and it was my stubborn refusal to admit how badly I needed HELP……

how badly I didn’t want to be seen as a freak…..and now knowing I AM a FREAK but not knowing how YOU want me to operate in that??? So yeah….how do you operate in a hearing from God that says……well just the fact that I ‘think’ I am hearing from Him tells me and you that I am a FREAK right???
So what now you know….what now???
You teach what you believe, but you can only reproduce who you are???
Am I supposed to reproduce a bunch of people who…who…..who love God with their whole hearts and are never going to be sure of anything save that the rest of their lives spent in seeking Him and His will…..what will YOU do in that???? Yeah....if only I could live there.....

Doing a Crown Ministries Study re: how you handle money…not well, never have, never even thought about or wondered IF God cared about me and money…just prayed when I wanted MORE….involves verse/scripture memorization……the verse for this week:

Luke 16:11 Therefore if you have not been faithful in the use of worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches.

The quote : We can teach what we believe, but we only reproduce who we are……

That scares the crap out of me…

Is it too late?

Father God I hope not ~ I pray not~ I KNOW not.
But who I am has to change…..

Philippians 4:13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Ephesians 2: 10 For we are HIS workmanship created IN Christ Jesus FOR good works which God prepared for us BEFOREHAND, that we should walk in them. (emphasis mine)

His plan…….now to go quietly ~ submissively ~ yet thoroughly FREE into it……..

Been without a computer
Stuck with all these BRILLIANT thoughts……
Been praying a lot instead of blogging, instead of reading other blogs.

Been thinking about the story of the Prodigal….being the Elder and hating it (being the elder).

Been thinking about going from Earner to Heir……going from thinking I could ‘earn’ God’s Grace to just accepting that in Christ, through my accepting His sacrifice….I am an HEIR…..
an Heir to God’s grace and in being an heir comes responsibility.
How to LIVE in my inheritance?

So I think I will stay in the quiet for awhile….
In prayer….

Ezekiel 4 - 7; Revelation 3 (The Message)

My passion……it flares and embarrasses me……it flares and drives me…so far and then I stop and in my embarrassment I wait……..and then it flares and …….

passion for God…for lost people……not 'lost' in a judgmental way although that’s probably how it sounds but lost in …tears come to my eyes and I don’t know what to do and is loving YOU enough??? It has to be……it just has to be…….

Ezekial 7:27 I'll deal with them where they are, judge them on their terms. They'll know that I am God.'"
Not for me to DO anything……????
Judge them on their own terms…….CS Lewis says “There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, "All right, then, have it your way."


Revelation 3: 10"Because you kept my Word in passionate patience, I'll keep you safe in the time of testing that will be here soon, and all over the earth, every man, woman, and child put to the test.

Passionate patience ….I ‘think’ that’s where I’m at usually…that is whenever I’m not tyrannized by what I want…….

Ezekiel 1- 3; Revelation 2 (The Message)

Wanna stop praying and yet can’t seem to do it…praying for YOUR WILL…praying to see my heart….praying for revival……

Too much spiritual battle…too much fighting exactly what I pray for….too much insolence….

What I want now is a vacation…..is a new home….is new furniture…..is $$$....is friends who will listen to me…..is is is all about me………

So that’s my heart you know….still and always all about me, so why not just ‘throw in the towel'….give up….go back….run away……STOP……

Because my heart has been softened to YOU….my ears have been opened to YOU…my eyes though stinging and wet with selfish tears…..STILL want to …….

I don’t know Father…..
I don’t know….
And what I do know is scaring me…….
And yet in the fear THIS time is this strange pulling to NOT throw in the towel…to NOT quit….to NOT run away….to NOT STOP….to u-turn straight into all the pain?????

It’s not huge….it’s not vital….it’s not earth changing……it’s not earth shattering….it’s just YOU in my life……..

If I could but run away….run away and hide, I would
If I could but quit……be done and over with, I would
If I could but ……but I can’t……….

What I want??
So now would I give up ANY of what I have to get what I want?

No……

But today Father, in all my selfish disappointment I think so…or thought so….
But……I think today it’s the unknowing….the living in and out of my control….living and being controlled??

So what now? I don’t want to read Ezekial and Revelation…….’just do it’


Revelation 2: "Don't quit, even if it costs you your life. Stay there believing. I have a Life-Crown sized and ready for you.

11"Are your ears awake? Listen. Listen to the Wind Words, the Spirit blowing through the churches. Christ-conquerors are safe from Devil-death." …………………..

……………17"Are your ears awake? Listen. Listen to the Wind Words, the Spirit blowing through the churches. I'll give the sacred manna to every conqueror; I'll also give a clear, smooth stone inscribed with your new name, your secret new name."…….

……..29 "Are your ears awake? Listen. Listen to the Wind Words, the Spirit blowing through the churches."

So what is it……..Be still and know that YOU are God…….Listen, just listen…me listen…..it’s not about material things or vacations…..it’s not about denominations or emergent or evangelical or or or….it’s about Jesus……..

Because isn’t it the truth that I am tyrannized by what I want??? When all the time you are whispering to me………..

And then I read Oswald (http://www.rbc.org/utmost/index.php) and am reminded to pray…Pray for what?

More of you stirring me up?? When I want to pray wildly / desperately for a vacation….what I want right, when the point of the journey is to want what YOU want more than anything…..

So here I am like a child throwing yet again another fit…..tiredly……wearily…..fearfully…….another fit……..I need someone to hold me and my husband did this morning…..just gave me a hug to which I resisted…insolent till the end I know…..be still and know that you are God…..So to get what you pray for and still pitch a fit.......

Jeremiah 37; Jeremiah 38 - 39; Psalm 79; 2 John 1 (The Message)

My husband put the word ‘insolence’ into my thinking this morning. This yearning to be responsively obedient and failure to do so…beyond stubborn……he named it insolence….you see he's looking at some of the same stuff......

“The people of God are not merely to mark time, waiting for God to step in and set right all that is wrong. Rather, they are to model the new heaven and new earth, and by so doing awaken longings for what God will someday bring to pass.” Phillip Yancy

The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable. ……Brennan Manning

2 John 1 1-2 My dear congregation, I, your pastor, love you in very truth. And I'm not alone—everyone who knows the Truth that has taken up permanent residence in us loves you.
3 Let grace, mercy, and peace be with us in truth and love from God the Father and from Jesus Christ, Son of the Father!
4-6I can't tell you how happy I am to learn that many members of your congregation are diligent in living out the Truth, exactly as commanded by the Father. But permit me a reminder, friends, and this is not a new commandment but simply a repetition of our original and basic charter: that we love each other. Love means following his commandments, and his unifying commandment is that you conduct your lives in love. This is the first thing you heard, and nothing has changed.

I love my husband………

Jeremiah 33 & 34; Psalm 74; 1 John 5 (The Message)

Would love to just have someone to talk to…..
And here YOU are…..

This money thing we are getting ready to do, I vascilate between annoyed and excited and downright scared. This YOU being in every part of my life….I think I do the same…..annoyed and then a bit excited that YOU care that much and then scared that YOU do….

Seeing that again there is nothing in me that is RESPONSIVELY obedient….oh I’ll do it…I AM after all obedient, just never responsively so….always have to wrestle with it a bit or perhaps…. let’s be honest…just…stubbornly refuse for a bit……So here I am Father…..sad and sorry and I think even repentant that I never just follow…….no arguments or excuses just turning towards you sorry…….
A lifetime of doing my own thing…….being bound up in $$$.....in never having enough…….never living without of course....... we are in America after all……but to my mind, never selfishly/self protectively having enough…….

Jeremiah 33: 2-3" This is God's Message, the God who made earth, made it livable and lasting, known everywhere as God: 'Call to me and I will answer you. I'll tell you marvelous and wondrous things that you could never figure out on your own.'…

..........And then I checked where I was this time last year: Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Jeremiah 33-34; Psalm 74; 1 John 5
This prayer is the first thing I see this AM ... Father, forgive me for taking obedience to your will so lightly. Sometimes your way seems restrictive and hard. However, dear Father, deep in my heart I do genuinely believe that your will is a blessing and not a hindrance. Use me to help others find joy in obeying you, too. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.
Jeremiah 33: 19 God saying 'go ahead you make day and nite and IF you can do that then MY WILL will not be done'.....God's will, God's time....my place is to OBEY......and the thing is like the prayer says I KNOW deep in my heart, I believe it IS a blessing........so quit struggling

Jeremiah 31- 32; 1 John 4 (The Message)

I met with a gal this morning….the conversation blessed my life…..
We are all so screwed up…
We are all so NOT what you want us to be….
YOU LOVE US ANYWAY

We wrestle with You and insist on having things our own way….
We try and convince You that what we want is right….
We struggle and fail and fall …..
YOU LOVE US ANYWAY

I have to go back to what I know……
I have to be grounded in YOU….
Mostly I’m not…
Mostly I’m trying….
Mostly I want to….
YOU LOVE ME ANYWAY
me

Those who believe that they believe in God, but without passion in their hearts, without anguish in mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, without an element of despair even in their consolation, believe in the God idea, not God himself. ~Miguel de Unamuno


Jeremiah 31: 2-6 This is the way God put it: "They found grace out in the desert, these people who survived the killing.Israel, out looking for a place to rest, met God out looking for them!"God told them, "I've never quit loving you and never will. Expect love, love, and more love!

Jeremiah 31:33-34 "This is the brand-new covenant that I will make with Israel when the time comes. I will put my law within them—write it on their hearts!—and be their God. And they will be my people. They will no longer go around setting up schools to teach each other about God. They'll know me firsthand, the dull and the bright, the smart and the slow. I'll wipe the slate clean for each of them. I'll forget they ever sinned!" God's Decree.

The new covenant….Christ…….know me firsthand…..the Holy Spirit gives us that knowledge……..we must be born again……..to have the Holy Spirit to be under the new covenant??? What I know…. it HAS to be about Jesus….He is the new covenant…….

1 John 4: 1 My dear friends, don't believe everything you hear. Carefully weigh and examine what people tell you. Not everyone who talks about God comes from God. There are a lot of lying preachers loose in the world.
2-3 Here's how you test for the genuine Spirit of God. Everyone who confesses openly his faith in Jesus Christ—the Son of God, who came as an actual flesh-and-blood person—comes from God and belongs to God. And everyone who refuses to confess faith in Jesus has nothing in common with God. This is the spirit of antichrist that you heard was coming. Well, here it is, sooner than we thought!
4-6 My dear children, you come from God and belong to God. You have already won a big victory over those false teachers, for the Spirit in you is far stronger than anything in the world. These people belong to the Christ-denying world. They talk the world's language and the world eats it up. But we come from God and belong to God. Anyone who knows God understands us and listens. The person who has nothing to do with God will, of course, not listen to us. This is another test for telling the Spirit of Truth from the spirit of deception.
7-10 My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn't know the first thing about God, because God is love—so you can't know him if you don't love. This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they've done to our relationship with God.
11-12 My dear, dear friends, if God loved us like this, we certainly ought to love each other. No one has seen God, ever. But if we love one another, God dwells deeply within us, and his love becomes complete in us—perfect love!
13-16 This is how we know we're living steadily and deeply in him, and he in us: He's given us life from his life, from his very own Spirit. Also, we've seen for ourselves and continue to state openly that the Father sent his Son as Savior of the world. Everyone who confesses that Jesus is God's Son participates continuously in an intimate relationship with God. We know it so well, we've embraced it heart and soul, this love that comes from God.
17-18 God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we're free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ's. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love.
19 We, though, are going to love—love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first.
20-21 If anyone boasts, "I love God," and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar. If he won't love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can't see? The command we have from Christ is blunt: Loving God includes loving people. You've got to love both.

Ok it’s NOT rocket science but it is connected and in the connecting it is HARD…because all that I have thought my whole life I have to ‘rethink’ and in the rethinking is fear…..is ‘but’ and ‘what if’ and yet in the midst of ALL THAT is such PEACE…….go figure……I think kids do less figuring and in THAT they KNOW it …..no wonder He says we must be like little children….what an Amazing God!

Jeremiah 28 - 30; 1 John 3 (The Message)

Jeremiah 30: 22 "'And that's it: You'll be my very own people, I'll be your very own God.'"

1 John 3: 1 What marvelous love the Father has extended to us! Just look at it—we're called children of God! That's who we really are. But that's also why the world doesn't recognize us or take us seriously, because it has no idea who he is or what he's up to.
2-3But friends, that's exactly who we are: children of God. And that's only the beginning. Who knows how we'll end up! What we know is that when Christ is openly revealed, we'll see him—and in seeing him, become like him. All of us who look forward to his Coming stay ready, with the glistening purity of Jesus' life as a model for our own.

Children of God…..with a Father who desires for us to live in HIS freedom…….I am drawn always to being safe…to being loved ...........and only in Him will that ever happen fully....And the loneliness and being ‘misunderstood’ comes when I go to wanting more THAT instead of what can only happen in Him…..wouldn’t you know it…….but in and with Him I can fly……..

Jeremiah 21;24; 27; Psalm 118; 1 John 2 (The Message)

Psalm 118: 21-25 Thank you for responding to me;

you've truly become my salvation!

The stone the masons discarded as flawed is now the capstone!

This is God's work.

We rub our eyes—we can hardly believe it!

This is the very day God acted—

let's celebrate and be festive!

Salvation now, God. Salvation now!

Oh yes, God—a free and full life!

26-29 Blessed are you who enter in God's name—

from God's house we bless you!

God is God, he has bathed us in light.

Festoon the shrine with garlands,

hang colored banners above the altar!

You're my God, and I thank you.

O my God, I lift high your praise.

Thank God—he's so good. His love never quits!

1 John 2: 28 And now, children, stay with Christ. Live deeply in Christ. Then we'll be ready for him when he appears, ready to receive him with open arms, with no cause for red-faced guilt or lame excuses when he arrives.

Go back to what you KNOW……Live in what you KNOW……So much I want to slam the door on, cut from the fabric of my life and yet that is all about protecting myself and NOT trusting God….risking everything….that’s been my prayer…..a desire to live on the edge…but still and all I forget who’s in charge……I forget or I want to feel safe in a world where He never promised us safety……? But He does promise we are protected……..
Again this is NOT rocket science but it is definitely HARD……what an amazing God!

So, what's been your prayers lately and how have you seen God work in them?

Jeremiah 48 & 49; Psalm 67; 1 John 1 (The Message)

I've been Gigi this weekend and it's been good .......

Psalm 67

God, mark us with grace and blessing! Smile!

The whole country will see how you work,

all the godless nations see how you save.

God! Let people thank and enjoy you.

Let all people thank and enjoy you.

Let all far-flung people become happy

and shout their happiness because

You judge them fair and square,

you tend the far-flung peoples.

God! Let people thank and enjoy you.

Let all people thank and enjoy you.

Earth, display your exuberance!

You mark us with blessing, O God, our God.

You mark us with blessing, O God.

Earth's four corners—honor him!

A post written in the moment and I know it will pass....but sometimes the moments feel very heavy....

Today I am tired
Today I am sad

Today I want to run screaming

I hear ‘go back to what you KNOW’

I know running away
I know quitting

Today I am tired
Today I am just flat out tired……of following……..????

And I get the phone call….the SIL of a friend has passed and in her passing was torment….a torment of dying in lostness, in hating and....... in never knowing or hearing about or listening to….someone tell her of a God of love who asks for us to ‘turn towards Him and listen” ….a torment I have seen….I don’t want to see again……

Does my passion for God, for Jesus....for the Bible …….does it …..does it.....

or more does it HURT others….I can’t stand it if it does…but I have to know…??…

but but that people die in torment….
lost and forever away from the God I know….
what do I do with all this Father…..
where do I put this pain……
how do I live……when all I want is to KNOW…
’go back to what you know’…….
I know a God of love and in His arms I can rest……

Jeremiah 23-25; John 19

I am troubled this morning by my lack of submission.....(hard heart)...?
I am troubled by my immediate response to….well crap... to EVERYTHING…..
I am troubled by ME…..
What happens when I am troubled??? Well of course EVERYTHING is about me then…..I can’t see the forest for the trees so to speak…….I can’t …..I can’t becomes the first word out of my mouth…..

In driving home this morning into a brilliant sun shining and for all practical purposes blinding me…….I got to thinking…….

Whenever the sun shone in my eyes I had to look only at the side of the road…I had to drive more carefully with only the edge of the pavement as my guide and whenever the brilliance of the sun disappeared behind a house or a hill or a cloud I could see the road again……..I got to thinking I KNEW where the sun was and began anticipating when the blindness would hit……anticipating……I turned the corner to my home and ‘thought’ I knew where the sun was, was going to be.…but was surprised where the sun actually was ...surprised and yet in remembering I KNEW it should be, where it WAS......Rising gloriously in the EAST and relax and TRUST that….Hey it made sense this morning…..as I was driving this amazing revelation of there ARE some things I KNOW….just like the sun always rising in the EAST and sets in the WEST ....always....
I know:
God is an amazingly good God….I KNOW that and while there is much MORE that is beyond my knowledge... all I have to do is go back to the Bible and see for real and certain what HIS INTENTIONS have been from the beginning…..

In the goodness of God is much beyond my understanding, my earthly understanding…..

In the being beyond my understanding I have to TRUST that which I do know…that God created me and I rejected and reject Him but He NEVER rejects me when I ‘turn back’ to HIM.

In my rejecting Him I break His heart…I am not only a law breaker but a heart breaker…..

My understanding of Him comes from reading His word…not and never can from my own thoughts because my thoughts are always and always about what I WANT….His word is about what He wants, has always wanted….His word is a record of the lengths He has gone to from the beginning to love and restore us…How much He sacrificed to bring us into the relationship for which we were in the beginning created FOR…..

So about my being troubled……… ?????

Jeremiah 23: 35-36 "Instead of claiming to know what God says, ask questions of one another, such as 'How do we understand God in this?' But don't go around pretending to know it all, saying 'God told me this...God told me that....' I don't want to hear it anymore. Only the person I authorize speaks for me. Otherwise, my Message gets twisted, the Message of the living God-of-the-Angel-Armies.
37-38"You can ask the prophets, 'How did God answer you? What did he tell you?' But don't pretend that you know all the answers yourselves and talk like you know it all. I'm telling you: Quit the 'God told me this...God told me that...' kind of talk.
39-40"Are you paying attention? You'd better, because I'm about to take you in hand and throw you to the ground, you and this entire city that I gave to your ancestors. I've had it with the lot of you. You're never going to live this down. You're going down in history as a disgrace."

John 19: 28 Jesus, seeing that everything had been completed so that the Scripture record might also be complete, then said, "I'm thirsty."
29-30A jug of sour wine was standing by. Someone put a sponge soaked with the wine on a javelin and lifted it to his mouth. After he took the wine, Jesus said, "It's done . . . complete." Bowing his head, he offered up his spirit.

So alot to think about.......and yet in the thinking and small doubts I HAVE to come back to that which I KNOW......

2 Kings 24; Jeremiah 22; John 18 (The Message)

John 18: 37 Then Pilate said, "So, are you a king or not?"
Jesus answered, "You tell me. Because I am King, I was born and entered the world so that I could witness to the truth. Everyone who cares for truth, who has any feeling for the truth, recognizes my voice."
38-39Pilate said, "What is truth?"

Of one mind and heart….what is ‘truth’??
From Websters:
Main Entry: truth Pronunciation: 'trüthFunction: noun Inflected Form(s): plural truths /'trü[th]z, 'trüths/Etymology: Middle English trewthe, from Old English trEowth fidelity; akin to Old English trEowe faithful -- more at TRUE1 a archaic : FIDELITY, CONSTANCY b : sincerity in action, character, and utterance2 a (1) : the state of being the case : FACT (2) : the body of real things, events, and facts : ACTUALITY (3) often capitalized : a transcendent fundamental or spiritual reality b : a judgment, proposition, or idea that is true or accepted as true c : the body of true statements and propositions3 a : the property (as of a statement) of being in accord with fact or reality b chiefly British : TRUE 2 c : fidelity to an original or to a standard4 capitalized, Christian Science : GOD - in truth : in accordance with fact : ACTUALLY

Lyrics Casting Crown Voice of Truth
Oh what I would do to have the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in on to the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand
But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy, you'll never win!" "You'll never win!"

Chorus: But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory
"Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth

Oh what I would do to have the kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me time and time again.
"Boy you'll never win!""You'll never win!"

Chorus: But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth

But the stone was just the right size to put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high on top of them lookin' down
I soar with the wings of EAGLES when I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

Chorus: But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me (calling out to me)
I will choose to listen and believe-I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth
I will listen and believe
I will listen and believe the Voice of truth
I will listen and believe
Cause Jesus you are the voice of truth And I will listen to you, you are-

“I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. That is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant. "




What is YOUR truth?? One heart and one mind.......there are those looking for a Spiritual Revolution would we KNOW what it looks like?? What if we are always in the midst of HIS trying to revolutionize us??
Hey, these are just questions rolling around my head this morning and this is my place to dump them......

Cause Jesus...YOU ARE the voice of truth and I will LISTEN AND BELIEVE....

Jeremiah 18 - 20; Psalm 93; John 17 (The Message)

John 17: While I return to you.
Holy Father, guard them as they pursue this life
That you conferred as a gift through me,
So they can be one heart and mind
As we are one heart and mind.
As long as I was with them, I guarded them
In the pursuit of the life you gave through me;
I even posted a night watch.
And not one of them got away,
Except for the rebel bent on destruction (the exception that proved the rule of Scripture).
13-19 Now I'm returning to you.
I'm saying these things in the world's hearing
So my people can experience
My joy completed in them.
I gave them your word;
The godless world hated them because of it,
Because they didn't join the world's ways,
Just as I didn't join the world's ways.
I'm not asking that you take them out of the world
But that you guard them from the Evil One.
They are no more defined by the world
Than I am defined by the world.
Make them holy—consecrated—with the truth;
Your word is consecrating truth.
In the same way that you gave me a mission in the world,
I give them a mission in the world.
I'm consecrating myself for their sakes
So they'll be truth-consecrated in their mission.
20-23 I'm praying not only for them
But also for those who will believe in me
Because of them and their witness about me.
The goal is for all of them to become one heart and mind—
Just as you, Father, are in me and I in you,
So they might be one heart and mind with us.
Then the world might believe that you, in fact, sent me.
The same glory you gave me, I gave them,
So they'll be as unified and together as we are— I in them and you in me.
Then they'll be mature in this oneness,
And give the godless world evidence
That you've sent me and loved them
In the same way you've loved me.
24-26 Father, I want those you gave me
To be with me, right where I am,
So they can see my glory, the splendor you gave me,
Having loved me Long before there ever was a world.
Righteous Father, the world has never known you,
But I have known you, and these disciples know
That you sent me on this mission.
I have made your very being known to them—
Who you are and what you do—
And continue to make it known,
So that your love for me
Might be in them
Exactly as I am in them.

Jesus praying for us……praying for us to be of one heart and one mind….the church……drawing people into Him…..us THE CHURCH living focused on Him and trusting that HIS purpose…His command to love will be lived out in us because HE LOVED us….
The leadership summit …praying for Church leaders to be of one heart, one mind, united in Christ…..so that the LOST will be found…..united and together…..
Bill Hybels sharing the gospel with LEADERS......Wayne Cordeiro exhorting us as leaders to spend time daily in the word, not for head knowlege but for IT to change and soften our hearts to the Holy Spirit's leading....it's not us to give the WORD to others but to give our hearts FOR the word to others....to be of one mind wouldn't we have to be of one heart...to be of one heart wouldn't we have to be of one WORD His???

Jeremiah 16-17; Psalm 96; John 16

Psalm 96
1-2 Sing God a brand-new song!
Earth and everyone in it, sing!
Sing to God—worship God!
2-3 Shout the news of his victory from sea to sea,
Take the news of his glory to the lost,
News of his wonders to one and all!
4-5 For God is great, and worth a thousand Hallelujahs.
His terrible beauty makes the gods look cheap;
Pagan gods are mere tatters and rags.
5-6 God made the heavens—
Royal splendor radiates from him,
A powerful beauty sets him apart.
7 Bravo, God, Bravo!
Everyone join in the great shout: Encore!
In awe before the beauty, in awe before the might.
8-9 Bring gifts and celebrate,
Bow before the beauty of God,
Then to your knees—everyone worship!
10 Get out the message—God Rules!
He put the world on a firm foundation;
He treats everyone fair and square.
11 Let's hear it from Sky,
With Earth joining in,
And a huge round of applause from Sea.
12 Let Wilderness turn cartwheels,
Animals, come dance,
Put every tree of the forest in the choir—
13 An extravaganza before God as he comes,
As he comes to set everything right on earth,
Set everything right, treat everyone fair.

An amazing Psalm......so do you care about the lost? Not judge but care....? The key for me is that...I don't know who's lost and who isn't....I only know I am found and want THAT for everyone. When you think about the ‘lost’, what or who comes to mind and how do you think about them?

I hope and pray I am changing in and about the way I think about it…..I hope and pray as I change that the change becomes more and more visible….I hope the visible change is a softness and that in the softness His light shows through…

I hope that this changing never stops….I hope that as God sees my heart He doesn’t think I am too far gone…I hope that I don’t listen to any voice that tells me that is what God ‘thinks’ and that I will remember the bible tells me differently….

The bible is about this being who creates creatures who reject Him and then He goes to all sorts of lengths to guide them into a position where they can witness just how much He is willing to love, to sacrifice, to restore….I hope I remember THAT……

And how about....where to your mind is the most beautiful place, full of His glory?
As for me Ouray Colorado or Independence Pass on the back of the motorcycle was pretty amazing.....but then who can beat a sunrise on the beach..... God's incredible creation...His beauty.....

Jeremiah 7-9; John 13

Woke up this morning with a headache and a sense of ugly fear and dread. My daughter is flying out on British Airways this morning on her way to South Africa via Heathrow Airport in London..... I prayed this morning to ‘hear’ really hear…..

I immediately 'heard.....' 'PRAY about everything and worry about nothing"

As I began my readings I hear:

Jeremiah 7: 21-23"The Message from God-of-the-Angel-Armies, Israel's God: 'Go ahead! Put your burnt offerings with all your other sacrificial offerings and make a good meal for yourselves. I sure don't want them! When I delivered your ancestors out of Egypt, I never said anything to them about wanting burnt offerings and sacrifices as such. But I did say this, commanded this: "Obey me. Do what I say and I will be your God and you will be my people. Live the way I tell you. Do what I command so that your lives will go well."

and

John 13: 34-35"Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other."

And then I come to work and this is in my inbox:

Daily Meditation for August 11, 2006
written by Henri Nouwen

_........................................................._

Trusting in the Fruits

We belong to a generation that wants to see the results of our work. We want to be productive and see with our own eyes what we have made. But that is not the way of God's Kingdom. Often our witness for God does not lead to tangible results. Jesus himself died as a failure on a cross. There was no success there to be proud of. Still, the fruitfulness of Jesus' life is beyond any human measure.
As faithful witnesses of Jesus we have to trust that our lives too will be fruitful, even though we cannot see their fruit. The fruit of our lives may be visible only to those who live after us.

What is important is how well we love. God will make our love fruitful, whether we see that fruitfulness or not.

sigh..........what an Amazing God you know???

Still not too many photos....had to share this one.....my precious Granddaughter... and Grandson......

Daily Meditation for August 10, 2006

written by Henri Nouwen
_........................................................._
Burning With Love
Often we are preoccupied with the question "How can we be witnesses in the Name of Jesus? What are we supposed to say or do to make people accept the love that God offers them?"
These questions are expressions more of our fear than of our love. Jesus shows us the way of being witnesses. He was so full of God's love, so connected with God's will, so burning with zeal for God's Kingdom, that he couldn't do other than witness. Wherever he went and whomever he met, a power went out from him that healed everyone who touched him. (See Luke 6:19.)
If we want to be witnesses like Jesus, our only concern should be to be as alive with the love of God as Jesus was.

I believe no matter what...the CHURCH is the hope of the world...connected believers / followers of Jesus Christ.....this weekend there is a Leadership Conference and I would ask that we all pray for those leaders to be soft to the Holy Spirits leadings as they experience this together.....that they come back to their churches with whatever THEIR church needs to reach and serve more people....

Ponderables for me today……inthequiet….ponderables……..

C S Lewis: "We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in the slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." ~ C S Lewis

Hinds Feet in High Places:
The awful glimpse down into the abyss of an existence without him had so staggered and appalled her heart that she felt she could never be quite the same again. However, it had opened her eyes to the fact that right down in the depths of her own heart she really had one passionate desire, not for the things which the Shepherd had promised, but for himself. All she wanted was to be allowed to follow him forever.

Larry Crabb:
The point of the journey is to want what God wants more than anything.

Jeremiah 1-2; John 10

Brain dump following read at your own risk....

Dara’s going to S Africa and most days I am OK…others I can get a bit freaky about it.

Phil. 4: 6-7 Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

I can do that…..Wanting a vacation, is it ok to pray for time away…..time away…..

The introduction to Jeremiah says this book/Jeremiah is a….’ God revealing companion for the worst of time.’…..a light in the darkness…salt in a flavorless world….Sometimes that’s what it feels like…surrounded by so much pain and darkness and turmoil…you just want to offer something…..

Jeremiah 2 : 11 But my people have traded my Glory for empty god-dreams and silly god-schemes.

A life of darkness, so immersed in what I want…my silly god schemes…thinking I was doing anything other than something for my own immediate self…’hell, I better do it before someone else does’…..that was, can be my thoughts….how to live as light…as salt……as…..

Jeremiah 2: 13…."My people have committed a compound sin: they've walked out on me, the fountainOf fresh flowing waters, and then dug cisterns— cisterns that leak, cisterns that are no better than sieves.

How quickly I go to my own well…even now, having tasted Yours…and yet I yearn to be salt and light, satisfied and complete in and at YOURS…..

Jeremiah 2: 32 Day after day after day they never give me a thought.

Reminding….being reminded….living in the reminding….living in the looking myself at myself and simply pointing to You, being pointed to You….praying to BE REMINDED…and in THAT living a softness, a dependence would be, could be born…living in reflective repentance and in the repentance~ forgiveness and in the forgiveness ~ forgiving and in the forgiving~softness and light and flavor…..in the softness is following, not having to lead….

John 10: 6-10 Jesus told this simple story, but they had no idea what he was talking about. So he tried again. "I'll be explicit, then. I am the Gate for the sheep. All those others are up to no good—sheep stealers, every one of them. But the sheep didn't listen to them. I am the Gate. Anyone who goes through me will be cared for—will freely go in and out, and find pasture. A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of.

WILL be cared for….
In the repentance is forgiveness……

Reponsively obedient to the call to repent….
In the repentance IS forgiveness…why so slow to obey????

Reading Hinds Feet on High Places an old book, an allegory with much wisdom and many ‘aha’ moments…From bitter experience she knew that pictures thrown on the screen of her imagination could seem much more unnerving and terrible than the actual facts…..

A life no longer in darkness…
A life no longer in fear…..

Step once again into the freedom
Step once again into the light

It ain’t rocket science, but it’s sure not easy either.
If it were easy……

Thank you Abba Father for:
The Shepherd
Jesus
A journey of learning to CHOOSE to live in and under HIS protection,
when nothing is safe or good…….
This call to live as salt and light, so more and more can come in and out
of the darkness……

You know….Lori told me a long time ago………BE THE SHEEP!!!

Zephaniah 1 - 3; John 9

John 9: 11"A man named Jesus made a paste and rubbed it on my eyes and told me, 'Go to Siloam and wash.' I did what he said. When I washed, I saw."

He didn’t just heal the man, the man had to be active in his healing. He listened and did what God asked…..’Go to Siloam and wash.’….Have you experienced God’s healing in your life? Or are you still walking around with his paste on your eyes?

For me I don’t ever immediately go. I question and wrestle with the instructions. It’s never an immediate, responsively obedient thing for me. And yet when I finally get up and go and wash…He is standing there, having waited for me to obey….expected me to obey, because I have experienced the healing more than once. I wonder when I will …John 9: 6-7 He said this and then spit in the dust, made a clay paste with the saliva, rubbed the paste on the blind man's eyes, and said, "Go, wash at the Pool of Siloam" (Siloam means "Sent"). The man went and washed—and saw.
So how about you….and how did you get there, to responsive obedience?

2 Kings 22; 2 Chronicles 34; John 6

Yesterday I left the following quote on Barbara’s blog…"We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in the slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." ~ C S Lewis

John 6: 53-58 But Jesus didn't give an inch. "Only insofar as you eat and drink flesh and blood, the flesh and blood of the Son of Man, do you have life within you. The one who brings a hearty appetite to this eating and drinking has eternal life and will be fit and ready for the Final Day. My flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. By eating my flesh and drinking my blood you enter into me and I into you. In the same way that the fully alive Father sent me here and I live because of him, so the one who makes a meal of me lives because of me. This is the Bread from heaven. Your ancestors ate bread and later died. Whoever eats this Bread will live always."

The belly burning hunger of the prodigal fully realizing his NEED of his Father’s food…
Knowing He offers us steak and lobster …and yet I satisfy myself with fast food burgers…
I am too easily satisfied…
The belly burning hunger of the PRODIGAL, how do I the ‘elder brother’ ever acknowledge all that I need without …..how to quit administering my own ‘first aid’ ~ eating the empty carbs of immediate gratification and yearn deeply for what God provides…I am far too easily satisfied.

Nahum 1 - 3; John 5

They’re back and refreshed at least they were until Jared had to come this morning. He is a new teacher and today is NEW TEACHER orientation….. He will be taking in a TON of information and I just want to be holding him up in prayer……encouraging him to keep the main thing the main thing, to perservere through all this information…..so praying for Jared today……

Our group this morning, talking about repentance ….getting to spend time with Jamie, exploring her heart, her journey…THAT is so invigorating. Coming into contact with someone seeking YOU and open to being explored and accompanied on the journey.

So much in talking about repentance…….I pray today to be SOFT to YOUR leadings when and where I need to repent and to choose THAT path as opposed to the much more traveled one for me of pride and self protection……..

Nahum, the story of a city (Nineveh) broken….given every chance to repent, encouragaged by YOU at every turn to come back and no, no deal……..a city full of consumers……how to break the cycle of consuming?? How to be content with my own efforts at seeking to live less material and not look or preach at and to others to follow…judging others who simply don’t see….. How to see myself as a citizen of Ninevah and not become a prophet of gloom and doom……because I know Christ…..I see a harvest more than hopelessness…….how to live in THAT instead of following down the road of ruin, watching people lost believe in things that will disappear……. how to not be a FREAK but be a light?????? Live focused on You and Your will and not all that is seen......

John 5: 25-27 "It's urgent that you get this right: The time has arrived—I mean right now!—when dead men and women will hear the voice of the Son of God and, hearing, will come alive. Just as the Father has life in himself, he has conferred on the Son life in himself. And he has given him the authority, simply because he is the Son of Man, to decide and carry out matters of Judgment.

Repentance means coming to God, coming to God…accepting my forgiveness in Christ means to come alive…having been dead and coming alive……..hearing the voice of God……can I?? The bible IS YOUR VOICE and reading that I can hear……..

John 5: 39-40 "You have your heads in your Bibles constantly because you think you'll find eternal life there. But you miss the forest for the trees. These Scriptures are all about me! And here I am, standing right before you, and you aren't willing to receive from me the life you say you want.
41-44 "I'm not interested in crowd approval. And do you know why? Because I know you and your crowds. I know that love, especially God's love, is not on your working agenda. I came with the authority of my Father, and you either dismiss me or avoid me. If another came, acting self-important, you would welcome him with open arms. How do you expect to get anywhere with God when you spend all your time jockeying for position with each other, ranking your rivals and ignoring God?
45-47 "But don't think I'm going to accuse you before my Father. Moses, in whom you put so much stock, is your accuser. If you believed, really believed, what Moses said, you would believe me. He wrote of me. If you won't take seriously what he wrote, how can I expect you to take seriously what I speak?"

All my need for approval……and yet in the wrestling with that, seeing that YOU know it/ knew it all along and that in the wrestling I am giving it more and more to You……I believe…..and in and on the journey, I am coming to know that wanting what YOU want is what and where You want me and why wouldn’t I continue to wrestle with that, knowing like in all my wrestling….. You will win and…..you know what…THAT’S what I want…….today.
The picture, of the sheepdog brings back such memories. Early on in my journey, in struggling to hear from God I was looking always looking for signs. One evening of sleeplessness I caught an old Disney short film about a sheepdog.
It was about this sheepdog and in his working with his shepherd taking care of the sheep. The story was about 3 lost sheep and the shepherd sending the sheepdog out to gather and bring them home. The dog chased and found the sheep and in the telling of the story it came out just how really DUMB sheep are, how dependent they are on the shepherd and in their being lost, well they were totally lost.
Sheep will not even drink running water, the shepherd must find them still waters….the sheepdog did that and led them across that water to the ground, the route home. He did it by chasing and nipping at their heels, relentlessly driving them HOME. And then when he got them there and he did, the shepherd simply patted him on the head……he had done what his master had told him to do and there was no fanfare or reward in that…….just a satisfaction that he had done what the shepherd asked him to do….
I saw myself as the sheepdog…responsible and trustworthy, obedient to the shepherd, wanting to nip at everyone's heels driving them to the shepherd ..... Problem was I hadn’t yet seen myself a SHEEP....a SHEEP desperately in need of a shepherd. I hadn’t seen myself as a sinner…I hadn’t seen myself as needing saving, hadn’t seen myself as desperately ill in need of a Doctor……and now…..I have seen, have wrestled with continue to wrestle with who I am....I KNOW I NEED Jesus….I NEED my shepherd…..but perhaps I am still a bit of a sheepdog????

Wedding Memories!!

The wedding was beautiful…the groom handsome…the bride stunning….the service breathtakingly simple and elegant ….the vows heartfelt and real….the message personal and true……the way we were served humbling…..

Memories of Jared seeing Allison for the first time, I truly thought he was going to fall down. He grasped his throat and stumbled.
Memories of sitting and seeing him standing right in front of us and yet so far. Seeing his lower lip tremble as he did as a child the only place excitement has to escape. Seeing him look at her with such intense love and admiration.
Memories of watching them prepare and take communion, watching Jared lead his wife to a place of knowing the importance of what they were about to do.
Memories of the vows….the message, Roy’s knowing each of them so well and speaking into the chaos that will be married life.
Memories of their kiss…….seeing his love for her shine through in that moment.
Memories of Emma so anxious to follow them down the aisle. Asking Dara…. ‘now’…not yet….’now’….not yet…..’now’…..not yet…..’now’….Yes……and her precious hesitancy and yet taking her trip down the aisle while Blessed Be Your Name was being sung ….beautifully I might add.
Memories of their first dance. All 6’ 6” of him towering over her 5’ beauty and seeing no awkwardness in the difference.
Memories of my dance with my son, his making me feel so special, saying all the things a Mom loves to hear and in that moment not feeling any loss just JOY. He spun me…twice and even dipped me!!!
Memories of toasts and skits and stories.
Memories of kids dancing and dancing and dancing……it was like a club with lights going right along with the music, in our auditorium our CHURCH.... Jared has spent time telling his friends about his journey, his church, his church family…and they SAW and were intrigued. A church with dancing and kegs and wine and cigar smoking. A church that loves Jesus and lost people. A church they want to try…Jared was so excited.
I was just thinking this morning it is what people SEE more than what we SAY that draws them into the journey. The light of Christ shown in that auditorium….in the vows and in the service of so many to Jared and Allison and his Dad and I.
I haven’t seen many pictures yet but this is what I have so far.

Isaiah 65- 66; Psalm 62; John 3

The wedding was stunning and gorgeous and touching and real and emotionally stimulating and draining…..we were served by our church family in ways we can never repay and that is uncomfortable and probably exactly where He wants me…humbled and awed……empty……standing at the foot of the cross with NOTHING….....NOTHING......

That’s what it has felt like the last couple of days and while it is extremely uncomfortable I am scared for the feeling to leave as well….to go back to self protecting and mask wearing and capable…able…hands carrying what they always carry and unable to receive any of what HE desires to give me……His Grace...His Amazing Grace...

And then John 3 and being born again…..trusting what we can’t SEE…coming empty handed…..….. verse 15…..and everyone who looks up to him, trusting and expectant, will gain a real life, eternal life….

So simple to read and so hard to do..PRIDE insists that I BRING something…anything and YOUR desire is for me to empty handed receive this NEW LIFE in Christ….living vulnerable and trusting, without self protecting or wearing the mask of ‘confidence’ .....of ability….……..living naked and free……..simple to say and very HARD to do……
Again Larry Crabbs words come to mind….’the point of the journey is to want what God wants MORE than anything’ and this life is about more and more repenting of what I want…….
Dan Allender says….”Repentance is a process that is never accomplished once and for all. It is a cyclical, deepening movement that , like a snowball, picks up weight and speed as it rolls. Repentance opens the heart to the bitter taste of sin and the sweet joy of restoration. It clears the senses in a way that exposes depravity and affirms dignity. It awakens our hunger for our Father’s embrace and deepens our awareness of His kind involvement. And when we are deeply, truly touched by HIS LOVE, we will move boldly into the bittersweet privilege of loving others. “

So it’s kind of messy this morning…so much JOY in the sadness, the emptiness….an empty......... repentance perhaps...??...…and the JOY....the JOY is Him…..so probably tomorrow will try to write more of the JOY of the wedding…and it was an evening of such JOY.